Our Journey to Jillian

Tough Questions Ahead

2010-09-04T21:44:00.004-05:00

Tonight, in the kitchen, out of the blue, Jillian asked me why I left her on the side of the road. I don't ever, ever, ever recall saying that in front of her (at least since she's been old enough to understand me)...but I'm sure my kids may have. I had to explain to her I didn't. Her response was..."No, when I was in China...why did you do that?". I couldn't get her to understand it wasn't me. She then asked me about what it was like when she was in my belly. Again, I had to tell her I didn't get to have her in my belly....somebody else did...and then somebody else kept her safe until I could get to her. I don't know where this is coming from....but I am absolutely heartbroken that these questions are coming so soon. Is she old enough to process any of this???? Does she really think I would leave her on the side of the road now???? What is going through her mind??? I know all parents of Chinese children that have been abandoned have had to deal with this...and we'll make it through....but good grief it feels like somebody has cut my heart out.

Poetry

2010-09-03T06:42:00.002-05:00

Chandler had to write a poem about himself for his English class. Here it is:

I AM

I am a 14 yr old guy that loves Jesus.
I wonder when He will return to earth.
I hear the loud buzz of a bronze trumpet sounding through the earth.
I see Him in His shining white robe descending to the ground.
I want to spend eternity with Him.
I am a 14 yr old guy that loves Jesus.

I pretend I am walking the streets of Heaven.
I feel free from the fall backs of life.
I touch the thick, soft mane of a passive lion.
I worry about those who not reach Heaven.
I cry when I think of those people.
I am a 14 yr old guy who loves Jesus.

I understand that not everyone has the opportunity to know the Lord.
I say we should try to provide those opportunities for them.
I dream of the day when I am face to face with God's glory.
I try to bring salvation to as many as I can.
I hope that when my time comes I will be happy with my life.
I am a 14 yr old guy who loves Jesus.

Just a little update...

2010-09-02T08:12:00.002-05:00

For those of you who aren't a part of my daily life, or aren't my friend on facebook...I thought I would just give a quick update on where we are in life right now. This school year has truthfully been the year I've been dreading for a few years now. My oldest is at the high school...he's freshmeat..oops, I mean a freshman. Then my next oldest is in the middle of her middle school years, then Collin is at the elementary school still, and my little Jillian has officially started Pre K. Which means....4 kids, 4 different school. Blah. I will have to say though...it has worked out much better than I had ever imagined it would. I have had to implement the bus for one of the kiddos...which isn't so bad. He's got some good friends on there to ride with. We're also carpooling in the mornings with my neighbor...which helps GREATLY!! The high school adjustment has been excellent to say the least. The high school my son goes to is huge. There are like 600 freshmen there with him. To say I've been a nervous wreck is the understatement of the century...but he's thriving!! The Lord's hand is on him...and He has certainly answered my prayers and more. Lots of classes with kids he knows....classes close together so he hasn't ever gotten lost....etc. And as well as the high school adjustment has gone...the pre k adjustment has gone just as smooth. Jillian loves going to big school...loves getting to eat in the cafeteria...and LOVES that 8 of the kiddos from her Sunday School class go there with her. Actually, I don't know who loves that more...me or her. It's a precious little group...and they'll all be split next year...but for now, they get to be closer friends. What can be better than that???

I know that is really fairly boring..but I was thinking about posting this or that...and realized it wouldn't even make sense to some of you. Maybe tomorrow's post will be much more exciting!! Ha!

Well hello there.

2010-08-31T22:46:00.002-05:00

Well this is probably going to be awfully scattered....

Over the course of the last year, almost year and a half...I have so very much wanted to blog. There is such a fine line between blogging, venting, and pouring out your very soul for everyone to read. In my family, on any given day, I could very much do every single one....some even all in the same day. Sometimes I feel like I'm only a taxi driver being beckoned from here to there...and other days I feel so close to the Lord, and like such a child of the King...that I can almost feel Him in the living room with me. So, I guess I'm saying, that over time, I felt like I couldn't post about a down day...because I thought somehow it might appear that I love the Lord less. My downfall (one of them), is that I'm a very, very transparent person. It's almost impossible for me to hide my feelings. It's almost impossible for me to fake it if I'm irritated....or depressed...or worried....or excited...or happy....or anything. Pretty much, I'm a "what you see is what you get" kind of person. Over the last year, we've had many, many ups and downs. I've wanted to post about the good...but then didn't want to see too fake that we had it all together all the time. Does that make any sense at all?? So, here I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. For all the world to see....well, maybe 6 or 7 of you at least. My life is crazy, hectic, but amazingly fun, and REAL. I'm hoping that if more and more people understand that Hollywood is just that...Hollywood, it'll give some people hope. That 'off the wall' might really be what is "normal"...if that even exists. Maybe I'll get going again. Just a warning though....I might take a day to vent....or moan....or rejoice. Or do nothing but post lyrics to a song that has moved me to the core. But whatever is posted...it will be ME...and just ME.

Monopoly...the 1935 edition.

2009-05-04T22:21:00.003-05:00

My family loves game nights. We really do....and it doesn't even matter necessarily which game it is. For the moment....it's monopoly. A while back, it was Sorry. Chandler's always asking us to play a game of cards...but we never really ever do that much. Today was one of those non stop phone days....which means I was on the phone almost the entire day.....so I was so very thankful that we had the opportunity to get together as a family tonight...and just play. It was also nice that I won the entire game handily!! Lol!! Now don't get me wrong...this family game night was nothing like the commercials that you see....you know the one's....all laughing and giggling. Nothing but smiles. Oh no...my family is way too competitive for that....we had quite a bit of pouting at hand...but not so much that it ruined it! Truthfully, it was still just SO nice.

When I was younger, I always wanted a big family!! I remember saying that I wanted to make sure SOMEBODY would come home for Christmas! But I'm starting to realize how thankful I am to have a big family now. I know we're loud...and I have realized we don't get invited to quite all the social events on the weekends since there are 6 of us...but that's ok. We can have a whole group of us playing domino's, cards, games, or whatever. I am so very thankful somedays for the chaos that is going on...obviously not every single day...but I am learning to appreciate the walk. It's a process...and I'm working on it. Every single day, I'm working on it. And today....I worked on it by beating the pants off of everybody in my family playing monopoly! Woohoo!!

Update...

2009-05-03T05:11:00.003-05:00

I was at a birthday party with a friend that I had not seen in a couple of years yesterday. She was asking about Jillian...and happened to mention that she followed my blog. I laughed and said," uh oh...I better go update. My last post was on one of those bad day posts". We got tickled for a minute....and then realized how nice it was to go ahead and admit that we all have bad days. Some of course worse than others..but bad days nevertheless. I thought I needed to say that Madison came through her root canal with flying colors. She did fabulous!! She actually told me that the Lord had healed her...because she had not been hurting at all. I was so thankful to hear that whole sentence!!! Now, we just have to make the appt. to get her crown put on, and we'll be done. I also need to update on Chandler's trip to Dallas...it was canceled. Yes...canceled. Why you ask....swine flu. Can you believe that? The superintendent of the school board canceled all trips to Texas....because of swine flu. Chandler had expressed some concern about going....I think that was on the highest media hype day...and truthfully, I was a little concerned...but I thought to cancel it was just silly. I was really thankful to not have to worry about him going again..but felt bad for him for it to be canceled. It was going to be a great trip...so maybe they'll be able to reschedule it.

So, things are leveling out. Actually, maybe it's just me that's leveling out. End of the year activities usually stress me out a little bit. Reflecting on the year...what's gone right, and what's gone wrong. What I wish we could redo...and wonder why I didn't do certain things. And to be perfectly honest this year has been tough. I need to welcome it's closing....and look forward for the summer!!

I'm all over the place right now.

2009-04-27T19:52:00.003-05:00

Just to be clear....I have no idea if that's a picture of a good book or not...but the title cracks me up!!! My emotional state is questionable right now. I admit it. I'm not going crazy or anything....but I have way too many mixed emotions that it's causing some inner conflict. Chandler got home from DC last night. He had a great time...other than the day he got the most horrible stomach virus ever, had to stay in his room until they kicked him out....and then got pushed around the National Archives in a wheelchair. Yeah...other than that, he did have a really good time. He got to see so many things....the White House, the Capitol, etc., etc., etc. He had an amazingly loving teacher that cared for him while he was sick...but when she got off the bus at the school...she was sick too. I felt so bad...and then we found out today that Chandler's roommate has been sick all day today too. Ugh!! I know that I know it wasn't Chandler's fault..he just happen to get it first...but I still feel bad. So we have been asking Chandler all about the trip...and then he remembered his choir trip is Friday. Which means....I had totally forgotten another trip to Dallas that he is taking this stinkin weekend. How does a mom forget that? (at least Chandler has lost track of time too....) How is it May already?? When did all this happen?? Tonight was also the 6th grade parent meeting for the kids that are heading out of elementary school and into middle school. Yep...I've got one of those too. When did that happen also?? Madison is SO not ready for middle school. To say we've had a difficult year with her is the understatement of the century. I'm extremely glad to see this year go....but am I ready for her to be at the middle school?? Um....no!!! Maybe after she has her root canal tomorrow we can talk about it. Oh yeah...did I forget to mention my 10 year old is having to have a root canal?? Ugh #2... I also found out today that her end of the year field trip is on a day I have to work...which just doesn't help. My precious worker is going to come in a bit early that day so I can at least make it for an hour or two. I just can't believe it'll pretty much be her last parent invited field trip. I'm just sitting here thinking about those dreaded middle school years. Chandler had one incident on his trip where one of the "popular" 8th graders really put him down and literally laughed at him, while trying to get the other "popular" kids to laugh at him also, because he was buying his little brother a wooden sword.....(which for the record Collin LOVED!!!)....and I just wanted to find that kid and punch him in the face. Ok, not really, but good grief it made me mad. I think, and I hope I'm not wrong...but I think Chandler's secure enough to handle all that...but is my Maddie?? I just don't know. I know I can't guard her forever...but homeschooling never looked so good!! And I'm realizing now that I have 6 straight more years of middle school before the break in between the ages for Jillian. Wow...I suppose I better get a grip on this soon...or y'all may be seeing more posts like this! Yikes!!!

Proud Momma!

2009-04-24T09:48:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I know the last posting of Chandler singing about diarrhea probably didn't shine forth the true gifting of my Chan man. He is actually quite talented in so many different ways....and I am really so very proud! This week, he is in Washington DC on a school trip. They have packed full days...going to all the memorials, museums, the White House, the Supreme Court, then heading to Colonial Williamsburg, Jamestown, etc. etc. When I talked to him today, he said he was pretty tired, but it was very worth it. Only 50 students out of the 7th and 8th grade are allowed to go on this trip. To be fair, the system is....that their names are picked with a lottery system. They choose numbers 1 - 50, and then everybody after goes on the waiting list. Once your number is drawn..you have to maintain a 3.5 gpa, and have NO conduct marks whatsoever. If you either go below on a 3.5, or get a conduct mark... you are out!! This really is a great way to ensure it will be a manageable group of kids going on such an expansive trip. To be perfectly honest, I was kind of hoping Chandler's name would not get drawn. It's fairly expensive...but it's worth it if money isn't an issue with you. So when his name, and his close friend's name were drawn, I told him he HAD to help raise this money for him to be able to go. We did a little bit of research to figure out what might be the best way to go about this....and we decided on candy bars. We ordered candy bars from World's Finest Chocolate...and he got to selling. He has sold candy bars virtually every single day since before Christmas. He earned almost the entire amount of money he had to have. He flew out on Wednesday morning...EARLY...and has been going ever since. When I talked to him last, they were in Williamsburg on their way to see a glass blower. I asked him if it was worth all the days of toting a box of candy bars around...and he said YES!! I am just bubbling over with pride for him. He's not perfect, so I don't want you to think I'm one of THOSE parents. But he is a great kid...he's worked hard...and he's now getting to see the fruit of his labor. What a great lesson he's learned....and what a great prize he's rewarded himself with!! I can't wait to see all the pictures he has taken....and I'll try to post a few when he gets home with them!!

Boring days of Spring Break......

2009-04-13T16:36:00.003-05:00

I know I am probably ruining the idea that many people have of me by posting this...but I thought for a 13 year old this was pretty clever. My Chandler is the one singing, Madison is next to him, and my nephews are in the background.....try, try, try to get a good laugh....enjoy!!

Happy April Fool's Day!!

2009-04-01T10:45:00.004-05:00

My friend Alisha sent this to me this morning....and it made me laugh out loud.....

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said. "Disneyland has burned down." He cried and cried, but I think deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. ~ Jack Handey

Jillian likes shaving cream....ALOT!

2009-03-27T14:00:00.003-05:00

The Mouse House...

2009-03-26T21:20:00.003-05:00

Well, I honestly can't believe I'm going to tell the entire world about the mouse house....but there really is a purpose to it...so here goes.... I was walking out of Super One Foods the other day, and saw they had sitting by the door, grills for sale. Just like so many other grocery stores, they bring in seasonal stuff, then they mark it up outrageously, and try to get you to "remember" you need a grill for the summer! Does anybody really buy that? Anyway, back to the point of my story...when I saw that grill....my mind immediately went back in time. For real....I went right back to the end of 1998, and the beginning of 1999. Madison was a baby, and Chandler was just about 3. We lived in our 2nd townhouse, which was right across the street from our 1st townhouse, and very conveniently 2 doors down from my mom's townhouse. I loved our street, and our situation with my mom being so close. It really was one of those ideal situations....for a little while at least. But then, the bottom fell out....I started noticing hints of mouse droppings. Then I saw a mouse, and then eventually two.....and so on. Our row of townhouses backed up to a cow pasture, and evidently little tiny field mice had come in and built a nest somewhere in our walls. It was awful!!! I cannot even explain to any of you out there how truly awful it is to have a mouse infested house...that you can't seem to do anything about. We called our landlord, they would do nothing. We called an exterminator, they said they could come set traps....which is exactly what we could do, and did. I won't go into all the details, but before it was all said and done, I couldn't even watch movies like Fievel Goes West, Mickey Mouse....or any movie for that matter that had a cute little mouse in it...because we frankly had had to kill so many. It really was a time that I think the Lord had to give us all grace to live through, because when I think about it now, it just freaks me out. Anyhoo....so when I saw that grill at Super One a few days ago, and my mind went back to that time, I found myself laughing in the parking lot thinking about what all we went through. I remember one time, a mouse was bold enough to come out while we were all in the living room....Roy and Chandler, (who again was 3 by now) had cornered this mouse under Chandler's little recliner. They couldn't figure out what to do next, but Chandler thought it was the most fun in the world. I remember running upstairs with Madison, but could still hear them downstairs. I sat there and listened to Chandler belly laugh so much with his Daddy trying to catch that mouse. I remember sitting in the kitchen on the phone with Roy while he was out of town, (at the time he was a drug rep, and traveled quite alot), and seeing little mice scurry around all over the top of our grill on the back porch. (Hence the recollection when I saw the grill) When we finally moved into our current house, back in 1999, Chandler was so sad, because he didn't want to leave "the mouse house". How crazy is that?? So, I sat in my car driving home, thinking how I never imagined then, that I would look back at those times with fondness. And while they certainly weren't great times in our lives....we sure made some great memories. I realized then, that I hope and pray, that in 10 years from now....I will look back on these drastically different, but also equally stressful times, with fondness. Am I taking the time to make the good memories? Or am I just drowning myself in the stress of daily life. I want to have more times to look back on and laugh about than I can count. And truthfully, it's just a decision away. A decision to look at things on the bright side. Maybe if I continually ask myself..."how am I going to remember this in 10 years?" it might put a new perspective on it. I'll keep you posted how it goes...but as of now....I am exceedingly grateful that mice in my house is not one of my stresses!! Praise the Lord for small wonders!!!

Wii Fit

2009-03-25T12:10:00.004-05:00

I've recently gotten the Wii Fit. I love it. I really do...it's ALOT of fun, but it's also quite motivating! The first day after working out, it said I had lost a pound....but it quickly told me that weight can fluctuate 2 pounds or so, up or down. Basically, it told me not to get too excited! The next day, I went up 2 pounds...and to be perfectly honest, I was really bummed. However, I then expected it to tell me not to worry...my weight can fluctuate. NOT!! It immediately said, oh no, let's figure out why you're gaining weight. Are you eating too late? Are you doing enough excercise? What's up with that?????

While I'm Waiting.....John Waller

2009-03-23T18:11:00.007-05:00

While I’m Waiting
Psalm 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 38:15, 40:1, Isaiah 30:18, Lamentations 3:24
John Waller

"The explanation for this song is simple, I was waiting on God and I was hurting when I wrote the lyrics. I probably wouldn’t have written
a song if my friend, Mike, hadn’t encouraged me to document what I was going through during that time. I’m sure there are few people
who can’t relate to this song, but the important thing to remember while we’re waiting on God is to not just wait but to actively wait.
Serve, worship and be faithful with what you have, where you are… “even while (you) wait.”

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

I absolutely love this song!! I actually really like John Waller, and the lyrics to several of his other songs too.....go look him up. I'm sure you'll love him as much as I do... Anyway, back to this song.... I know I'm not in the waiting game for my adoption anymore...but this song would have been a perfect way to explain what I was feeling and thinking at the time. But just because I'm not waiting on my adoption...doesn't mean I'm not waiting on other things. I'm sure like all the rest of you, there are promises that we just know that the Lord has placed in and on our lives...and we are just waiting to see what (or more accurately when) on earth the outcome is going to be. These lyrics challenge me, (because so often I fail at this particular challenge) and I hope they would challenge you also, to serve Him while we are waiting for whatever it is that the Lord has called us to. To wait peacefully. At first glance, (or listen in my case)....I thought to myself...seriously?? Move ahead, bold and confident?? Are you kidding me?? Every step in obedience!!! (Again, I'll say....very often, I am a total failure in that area.) Wow....how much different would my outcomes be if that was what I did. Obviously, that IS exactly what we are supposed to be doing!!! I have learned, yet one more time through my study of Esther....that our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ IS working behind the scenes even when we don't physically see His work. His promises are clear, and they are promises....now we (I) just have to wait on Him.

Bummer.

2009-03-21T08:40:00.002-05:00

My computer crashed last week. And I mean totally crashed. Blue screen of death crashed. We took it to the computer store....and they said they could restore it, but would have to wipe it clean. I said, everything?? And they said...EVERYTHING. They couldn't save one thing I had put on my computer....no files, no music, and NO PICTURES. I thankfully had uploaded most of my pictures to snapfish albums, but there were some, I had just neglected, and hadn't gotten done. Mainly miscellaneous pictures...that I had no specific album to put in. I have an amazing picture of my mom and Chandler at Chandler's Christmas choir concert....that thankfully I recovered...but I had no album to put it in. After I got my computer back, with nothing on it, I immediately ran around my house to find all my memory cards to see exactly what I still had on them. I was surprised to see how old some of them were, and I did manage to salvage a few pics that I thought I had lost forever. My China pictures, which I had uploaded, and already have the hard copies of, were on one of those cards. As I was going through them, I realized how different Jillian looks. I mean, I know she looks different, but she has really, really grown. I'm pretty sure I did this with all my babies, but since it's been awhile since they were babies...I just didn't remember how stinkin FAST time goes. And how you don't even realize at that age, how fast they change....and you don't even notice it as it's happening right before your eyes. I'm so thankful that Jillian has been part of our lives for long enough that WE have been able to witness her changes. Her hair is so much longer, she's taller, she's thicker....and I LOVE watching it. I LOVE seeing her change. Now, if I could just freeze time.....

Where to begin....

2009-03-18T21:41:00.002-05:00

I have tried to figure out how to start back blogging. Should I explain my time out? Should I not? Should I just give a few details, which of course would be very boring to you? I've decided not to go into all the long, drawn out excuses, but I will say...the Lord has done several mighty works in my life, and I am ever so grateful. There are a couple of areas of my life, that have been such faith builders over the last months. Truth be told, a couple of areas have been nothing but a roller coaster ride for quite some time. I have to tell you, I'm ready to be off that ride....for good. That's all I'll say for now....but there definitely have been some things I've wanted to blog about....and I think it's time to get back at it. If for no other reason, for me. It's a fantastic way for me to go through my day, realize my blessings, and have a few deep thoughts. Lol!

So, I'll jump right back in now.... A few months ago, he came home telling me there was a new student at school....and he was from the Ukraine. I at first was thrilled, and wanted Chandler to be best friends with him immediately, just so I could pick his brain about the Ukraine...but no such luck. He'd mentioned his new friend here and there, but nothing too much. And then, quite honestly, I had forgotten about it for the most part. Well, last week, Chandler came home and told me that one of the counselors at the school had pulled Chandler aside and told him that Max was having a difficult time making solid friends, and she asked Chandler to befriend him, and maybe have him over and maybe even have him spend the night. First off, and slightly off subject, I have to say how excited, and impressed I am that this counselor thought enough of Chandler to ask him to do such a thing. Secondly, I immediately had all kinds of questions. What would this mother who brought her child all the way from the Ukraine think of a relative stranger inviting her son to our house. Because of all these very random, and slightly concerning questions, I made an appt. with the counselor, who arranged for me to meet the mother. Long story short, Max came over today. He seemed to have a great time, he went to church with us, and then I brought him home. I have certainly had my "deep thoughts" about all this. As most of you know...my heart is in the Ukraine. I felt very certain I was to adopt from the Ukraine...but was clearly wrong on that issue. Nevertheless, my heart hasn't left those Eastern European countries. Romania, Russia, Ukraine, etc. So, why out of that entire school, would that counselor, who doesn't know me at all, ask Chandler of all people to befriend him? Why is Jillian's new facilitator for speech from Romania? I am consistently reminded of these countries all the time. I may totally be reading more into this than I should...which I often do....but I still am so very happy to have made a few connections to those countries. Maybe one day I will be able to go there. Missions is continually crossing my mind these days. Who knows what the future holds?? I sure don't....but I do feel blessed. On many, many fronts.

He is!!

2009-02-03T14:31:00.002-06:00

I know I've said before how music, and lyrics can really move me. Praise and worship is a very important part of my life...and more often than not I hear the Lord speak to me more during those times of worship than any other. So, when I find a song that really moves me..sometimes I obsess over it. Ask my kids...or my workers...I will play it over and over and over just trying to squeeze out every bit of power that I can from it. He is by Aaron Jeffrey is one of those songs for me. I have gone through cycles with it...where I play it all day, and then where I don't play it for months. I hadn't listened to it for so very long..and then lately I have realized that my children for whatever reason, don't know the books of the bible. I don't know why I've not known that before...maybe I just took for granted that they did. From owning a teacher store, I have learned that children can memorize so much more when it's put to a tune...so I started trying to find a tune that the books of the bible were to...and then I remembered the song He is. I pulled out my cd and began to listen to it, mainly to refresh my memorization skills before I started working on them. And as I was listening to it....the power of that song came through so fresh, like I had never heard it before. It goes through the entire bible, and states what the Lord is in every single book of the Bible....and it is so unbelieveably moving to me. If you ever thought for one moment that the Lord couldn't be to you what you need him to be..you are so very wrong. He is everything. I'll type out just a few of the descriptions of Him that particularly move me....but I would encourage you to go pull up this song....on whatever search engine you can...and listen to it. Let all that the Lord is, soak in...accept it, and accept Him. It starts out in Genesis, where He is the breath of life, onto Exodus where He is the passover Lamb...then the High Priest, Moses's voice, He is salvations choice! Judges...law giver, trusted prophet, He's sovereign, a true and faithful scribe, He's the rebuilder of broken walls and lives..In Esther He is Mordecai's prophet, Job's timeless redeemer, He is our morning song....He's wisdom's cry, the cry for Israel, the call from sin, the stranger in the fire, He is forever faithful.....He is the Spirits power, the arms that carry us....the Lord our saviour!!!! He's the great misionary, in Micah the promise of peace...our strength and our shield....He is the restorer, our fountain....the Son of righteousness, rising Healing in his wings....In Matthew, Mark, Luke and John He is God, man, messiah, power of Love, in Galatians He is freedom from the curse of sin... Our glorious treasurer, the servant's heart, the Godhead trinity....our faithful pastor, the everlasting courage, in James He's the one who heals the sick, King of kings, and Lord of Lords....He is!!!!!! Prince of Peace, Son of man, the Lamb of God...the great I AM, the alpha and omega. It ends with those overwhelming words...and when time is no more..He is! How amazing, comforting, overwhelming, awe inspiring! I can't say enough to describe how I feel when I think of all that He is. I don't let Him fill near enough roles in my life. I try to fill too many with myself, my own works, other people....and truth be told.....only He can fill those empty spots that I try to squeeze anything and everything in. He is!!!!

Random Pics

2009-01-28T22:23:00.003-06:00

On the way to Mamaw and Papaw's to open presents.
Jillian liked her new pillowcase more than I thought she would! :)
Daddy and Madison on New Year's Eve at a friend's bonfire.
Roy and Chandler at MaMaw and PaPaw's.
My handsome boy.

What is in the water??

2009-01-28T22:07:00.002-06:00

I'm not sure what it is, but I am just over the top emotional these days. Last night I was crying with and for Madison...tonight I'm all stirred up on another front. We had a little incident with Chandler today...and I thought, "are you kidding me?? are you for real?". I won't go into the details, but it's all in all not so bad. Normal 7th grade stuff...but I was just not in the right mindset I guess. Today was also our final homestudy meeting we'll ever have. It was our 12 month post placement report, (which was actually way overdue, but I couldn't find my social worker). When she left the house, I thought back on all we had gone through over the last couple of years. Yes...years.... ridiculous I know. I remember our first appt. so very well. I was a nervous wreck, and she (our social worker) was so soothing. We got so much done so quickly, that I knew the Lord's hand was on it. You know, I think part of what gets me is maybe how long our entire adoption process took. And because it takes so long, and consumes you so much, you almost become attached to it. If that makes any sense at all. I worked on paperwork for months, I think I applied with our agency in June of '05. Once we finally got our paperwork to China, we then waited a solid year before we heard anything. Literally, I mailed our paperwork to China on June 30th 2006, and got the call about Jillian on June 26th, 2007. I wanted one of those shirts that said, "Yes we're still waiting. No we haven't heard anything. Thanks for asking.". I loved them...but I resisted. Once we finally, finally got the approval to go get her, then waited what seemed like the longest wait ever...to be able to get on that plane to go...and then ever so suddenly, it all came full circle. We had her in our arms. Now, we have been working in reverse...having to prove that she is in fact thriving with us....and she's not being abused. To do that, we had to have the social worker come out after we had had her for 6 months, and then a year. And now, after ALL that, we are officially done. It's complete. No more. Wait...a finished project?? That's just about unheard of in my house! Roy should be proud of me!

My heart hurts.

2009-01-27T22:15:00.003-06:00

Madison is having friend challenges. And they are absolutely hurting my heart. Believe you me, I am fully aware of those challenges she brings on herself..and she does it quite a bit....but this time, it's of no fault of her own. She's hit the "don't tell your mom, or I'll never talk to you again" stage...and it's awful. I am going to a Beth Moore bible study on Esther. If you have never done a Beth Moore study..you need to. She's amazing. I'm not one that likes to tout different preachers or teachers...because I firmly believe if you put PEOPLE too high on a pedestal, you and you alone are bound to be sorely disappointed. But she has a gift....and she may be flawed in many other ways, (although I have yet to see a flaw of any kind!!), but she is gifted in teaching the Word. She can link the bible to make sense from so many different angles. Today, part of the study was on mean girls. And she was so perfect in her description in so many different ways. One of the things she was saying...was that it's not really in her nature to be mean. But man, let a mean girl get ahold of one of her girls...and the mean girl came out!! I got so tickled at that, because it is so true. I'm not necessarily mean...but I do have very definite opinions...and I have a hard time faking it if I don't agree. That's the politically correct way to say it I suppose! :) Anyway..I am totally feeling that right now. She's got a best friend...and they've been best friend for quite a few years now. Well, the bff decided to get a little ugly this weekend...and do some stuff she shouldn't do with Madison at the house. Then, she decided to tell Madison that she could NEVER, EVER trust me because I would tell the bff's mom..which I absolutely am going to. This mom is going to freak out as much as I am. So now..the bff is all "I'm not going to be your friend if you tell, etc, etc." And while, I know that I know, they'll probably stay friends...the first crack has happened. They've had tiffs before...this is nothing new, I promise. But this is "don't tell your mom....you can't trust your mom, etc.". That's bigger in my book. Maybe I'm just taking it personally....I just don't know. So often, my other kids get praised for grades, or soccer, or this and that...and I feel like Maddie Lee gets overlooked on the recognition end of the totem pole. She's not the best dancer, artist, brainiac, etc. But she IS gifted!!! I just want all ya'll 5 people that read this to know...she is a mightily gifted person. She has more compassion in her pinky than many grown adults could ever muster together. She is a caregiver....she's probably given Jillian more baths than me....because she wants to do it. And she loves. When she loves, she loves deep. I believe the Lord has high and mighty plans for her....we just have to get through middle school. And we aren't even there yet! My knees are going to be tough as nails for a few years...I can see it now.

A Glimpse.

2009-01-26T22:24:00.003-06:00

I know the path the Lord has us on is pre ordained. I absolutely believe that the Lord has hand crafted our steps to get us exactly where he wanted us to be. My head knows that, but my heart has had a second thought lately. For the first time in a very long time...I've wondered what our life would have been like if we had taken this path, or that path. I guess, through reconnecting to my early childhood friends, then college friends, and now even friends from our early adulthood, I'm able to see, in hindsight mostly, all the different paths that my friends have taken. One of my elementary school friends posted pictures from high school....and it hit me like a mack truck..."that would have been my life if we didn't have to move". I moved from New Orleans to West Monroe in 8th grade. It was pure torture. I had such a major cajun accent...and I was picked on ruthlessly, so I overcompensated for it... and became the biggest country hick you can imagine. I remember right before we moved, I was about to try out for cheerleader, etc. And then we had to move to north Louisiana, which is truly like a different country compared to south Louisiana....it just doesn't even compare. None of that is particularly relevant, but I will say...those pictures kind of took my breath away...and I'm not altogether sure why. Maybe because I've always wondered what those elementary friends were doing? I really have thought about them so much over the years. Maybe it was strictly because of the 'what if's' it brought to mind. But as I was thinking about that, I then remembered some of my college friends that I have recently reconnected with. Great people in college...the ...you know the type I'm talking about....the kind you wish you were, but weren't. Now they are definitely the 40ish professionals, doing great, drinkers who love a good party. I have to say, I was really shocked. That's not the path I would have ever guessed they would have gone down. Now, while the decision to move from New Orleans to Monroe wasn't my own. What we've done with our adult lives has been our very own personal decisions. How easy could it have been for us to go that route?? Living the life!! Please don't misunderstand me...they are having a ball and a half!!! I'm sure alot more fun than we have a whole bunch of the time!! What small little steps have we taken that have put us on the path we are on. There were several, several decisions that we made as newly married couple that I look back on and could really let myself get down about. Major missed opportunities...some because of fear, and some because of ignorance. Totally on my part....I had a plan, and a change in the plan scared me to death. I have felt really bad over a few of them several time...but I always go back to the fact that I have to believe that whatever the reason, the Lord knew, and has guided us on this path. I guess I got a glimpse....maybe opposite from the one in Family Man..I just got it backwards. What if Roy had gone the politician route? (yeah..I bet that surprises alot of you!), or the doctor route. What if we had all the money in the world, but had lost our faith. I don't want to be raising my children in an environment other than one that is pleasing to Him. I don't want to be chasing what the world tells me to chase. I want Him...and His guidance, and His ways for my family. Wow...what a glimpse...what a gift. Truly a gift.

I love winter.

2009-01-24T16:49:00.002-06:00

I really do. Maybe it's because we have so little actually cold weather...but when we do, I just love it. Several years ago, Roy decided we had to have gas logs in our fireplace. So, we saved up, and got gas logs. Bad decision. We never, ever liked them...so we finally cut our gas off...and have left them for quite awhile. Finally this year, Roy asked his dad to help him rip out our gas logs...and plug the hole where the gas line was...and theygot it done. Today was our first fire in our fireplace in so long....I can't even remember how long it has been...but it has been heavenly. Absolutely wonderful. Our house smells like wood....and it's crackling....and I just feel so cozy it's ridiculous. Collin ended up having a friend come over...and since it's so cold outside...Roy let them build a fire in the firepit outside also. Just for the record...he helped them build it...and it was very supervised. Anyhoo...as soon as that fire was up and going....the requests began...hot dogs...marshmallows...oh wait!!...smores!!! So, we ran up to the store and got all the goods...and got to roasting. Which made the day even more heavenly. The only thing that could make this better...is if we woke up to a nice layer of snow....which isn't anywhere near the forecast..but a girl can dream!

Pre teen girls....yikes!

2009-01-19T15:48:00.002-06:00

I've got one....one of those pre teen girls that is almost just a little bit too big for her britches! I am so struggling with finding a balance of discipline with her. She is an amazingly compassionate, and loving child. Her nature is to not hurt a fly...but I'm convinced the influences that surround our girls these days overwhelm them. Girls that are only 1o are doing things that 15 and 16 year olds used to do. If you have ever watched any episode of Suite Life of Zach and Cody...or Drake and Josh....and pay attention at all...it is disgusting the amount of disrespect and bad attitude these kids have towards any sort of authority whatsoever. I'm sure we owe pop culture a great big thank you for that...but I think it shows a pattern in parents as well. Now, don't think I'm claiming to be the best parent ever....if I was, I sure wouldn't be struggling as much with what on earth to do. What I mean by the affor mentioned statement is.....pop culture can say what it wants...but we as parents have the right and frankly the God given obligation to say no. I can't even tell you how hard that has become to a certain level. For Chandler...my oldest...he would just accept no, and move on. He may not like it, but he would for the most part, accept it. He pretty much knows now, that we just aren't going to let him go to dance parties left and right. We've let him go to 2, and they were given by the same person. We are comfortable with the parents....so it was ok. Madison on the other hand just doesn't accept no very well. She is very much her mother's child. I never have accepted no well....and I'm paying for it now. Ha! Not to make excuses, but I think girls are far more brutal than boys are in terms of peer pressure...at least for this age. Recently, there was a movie that I strongly disagreed with her going to. Again, Chandler knew I wouldn't let him...and he actually agreed that it wasn't appropriate after we read the reviews....Maddie..not so much. She stood her ground with me for awhile...but then her stance began to erode. Every other friend was going....I've let her see worse, etc. etc. And I have let her see worse...but learned from those mistakes...and realized how much more I needed to guard what they watch. I'm just afraid that we are getting used to the dark..and if we don't ask for God's hand over our children...and for His total and complete guidance for our (my) decisions....they are really going to be used to the dark. I was speaking earlier with a like minded friend who was sharing with me the same struggles with her daughter..who is also a very good girl. She gave me such Godly advice that she had used for her eldest daughter. She would tell her daughter...."If you think I'm being overprotective....then pray for me. Pray that the Lord would open my eyes to see that I should give you more freedom". I just thought...wow! What great advice. My children believe in the power of prayer...and hopefully, they realize I'm not just irrational with my decisions. I do almost always try to explain my yes's and my no's. Not that I think they have a right to hear it...but so they will trust me that I have not made my decisions without thinking. It's just such a fine line to walk...and if anybody that reads this has any advice...please, please, please feel free to let me know! I'm open to any suggestions!

History

2009-01-16T16:26:00.000-06:00

Does anyone else obsess over history? I suppose obsess is a relatively strong word, but I do think about it quite often. Tonight, we were watching the history channel....watching the historical recount of Valkyrie....(not sure if that spelling is right or not). I have always been fascinated by WWII. The power Hitler had totally, and absolutely perplexed me as a child. I couldn't then, and can't now even begin to fathom how someone could be brainwashed into torturing people the way they did. How and why did so very many people fall for it???!!! I honestly can't think of one single thing that could make me believe what I was doing was ok...if I was them. But as usual, I have strayed from the point of my post. As I was watching that program, it continually referred to the year 1944....the year my mother was born. My true fascination with WWII came in about 6th grade. Maybe 7th. So that's Chandler's age. I very distinctly remember being his age...and looking at what life was like the year my mother was born. My grandad, who we called Bumpa, was engrained in the thinking of the great depression. He likewise taught my mother those ways...who tried to teach us..but we rebelled. Roy has said he will move out at the point that we start hanging plastic wrap on our cabinets to dry....after we've washed it to reuse it... sorry Mom...no offense. My around the block, chasing a rabbit or two thought on all this is....what does Chandler see great about what my generation has done. It just seems like from 1940-1970 Soooo much changed. But from 1970-now...it just seems like we have become more attached to the things we shouldn't. Our cell phones, our computers, our 50 million channels, etc. Something to think about I suppose.....maybe that can be your thought for the day.

This is for you Ashley.....

2009-01-15T10:04:00.003-06:00

As usual, I have no excuse why I haven't been posting. Of course, that's really not true...but I've realized lately, for the upteenth time, that you will find time for whatever you want to find time for. I just had this discussion with my almost 13 year old child...who when asked to do his chores, he threw at me that he was really stressed because he was behind on his bible reading. That, at that very moment, he was about to delve into the word....and pour his heart into it. Can you say manipulation? I did. I told him straight up that he was not going to manipulate me that way..and he was going to do his chores, and then delve into that word that he held so dear. I told him that if it was that crucial to him, he would not have spent hours outside with his friends. That if it was stressing him to the ends of the earth, then he wouldn't have been fighting over his turn for the Wii. Right? Of course it's right. And so it goes with my blog. For me to say, I just don't have time, really isn't true. I do have time...I'm just wasting it. As I've mentioned before, facebook is fairly addictive...and I spend more time than necessary on it. Chill time is also fairly addictive....I actually wish I had more time to spend on it...but it's certainly not necessary too often. So, I am officially making time to post today....all that was just my introduction....here comes my actual post....

Yesterday was Collin's 8th birthday. It was a great day, but his party isn't until Saturday...that's when the real fun will come. His party is at a ranch...where we'll have hay rides, pony rides, and a petting zoo. It's the first time any of us have been there...so we definitely have our fingers crossed that it's going to be all we expect it to be. Yesterday morning, he decided he wanted a big breakfast, so I got up and cooked bacon, eggs, and biscuits...and toast to make him a bacon, egg sandwich. At lunch, Roy went and ate lunch with him...and for dinner...he chose CiCi's pizza. I so desperately wanted him to choose somewhere else..somewhere GOOD!! My church has an annual fast for 21 days...and I've been fasting certain foods, but made a concious decision to release myself from the fast for Collin's birthday dinner. He was so selfless about deciding where to go, trying to find a place that we all could eat at...and I decided that wasn't fair to him...since this fast will ALWAYS be during his birthday...so he would never actually get to eat what he truly wanted. Of course, after he said CiCi's...I had to remind myself of that. This is HIS dinner..whatever he wants. Sadly, after not eating bread or meat for a couple of weeks...CiCi's was pretty stinkin good. I suppose everything is relative.

So, until Saturday...Collin's birthday was celebrated right there at CiCi's....8 years. Man, it has gone by so ridiculously fast. Don't blink....

Thanksgiving Pics....

2008-12-31T13:07:00.002-06:00

I think I posted a long time ago that I would try to post some pics from our trip to Texas....and I never did..so here are a few. Enjoy.

Could that wad of gum be any bigger??
Making gingerbread houses at my brother and sister in laws.

Jillian and Madison

Collin and Charlotte wrestling in the backyard.

Chandler and Madison at the George Ranch.

Christmas just CANNOT be over!!!

2008-12-27T23:37:00.004-06:00

We had an absolutely fabulous Christmas. One of those Christmas's that you just don't want to end. I have to admit, that sometimes, Christmas is either too exhausting, or just plain too chaotic, that sometimes I'm really just ready for it to be over. Ready for that fresh start....anybody out there know what I'm talking about? Well, not this year. This year was just ideal. My kids were great...very grateful for their gifts...not too wild. My only regret is not getting more pictures of Chandler. I was filming, and taking pictures, and cooking breakfast, and cooking my designated items for our lunch...and just didn't realize that almost all the 'film' I had on Chandler...was from my camcorder. Bummer. Other than that, for my personal family, it went off without a hitch. This year, it was so good, that I've almost found myself sad to see the season passing. For those of you who don't really know me well...I could really listen to Christmas music year round...and have been known to pull out a cd in July for my own personal "Christmas in July". It doesn't last very long though...because my kiddos usually beg, and beg, and beg for me to stop...which I truthfully find hilarious for some unknown reason. And I would put my Christmas tree up right after Halloween....if I didn't think my family would commit me. Saying all that....is basically just to say, it's not unusual for me to be sad for the season to be finished. But this year is different. I can't even pinpoint it...but it's a stronger feeling. Like...I really, really don't want this Christmas season to end. So, I've been trying to think of what makes this year so different. And bottom line...I think really more than Christmas itself, I think it's because I just love it when the kids are out of school and Roy's off of work. I know that sounds SO spoiled. Really, I do, but I don't think it's as bad as it sounds. I remember, one time, after a holiday season, I posted on my old myspace something like how reality came back way too fast. I had someone ask me if reality was really that bad...and of course I knew it wasn't....but the truth of it is, our family time together, not family time at soccer games, or some of us at Wal Mart, I mean, TRUE family TIME just seems so stinkin rare...that the absence of reality...is just really almost fairy tale. I know...you are thinking...spoiled again. But seriously, hear me out.... We are such an active family...and this last week..as any of you with children know..all activities were cancelled. No soccer practice or games, no dance, no art, etc. And while I know those ARE great things for my children, and I think it would be unfair for us to take those things away from them, it sure does make family time squeezed. Another thing that has just been a total extra bonus this year, is that Roy isn't usually off this long for Christmas either...it's just the way Christmas day fell in the week this year. I have to say, that also, sadly one of my dearest friends has lost so many family members in the last month, that it has increased my commitment to pouring into my children, and my husband. I'll talk about all that in another post..maybe tomorrow...but needless to say, I just don't do it enough, and having this week off to have the freedom to do so, has been wonderful. Roy has told me over and over again that fairy tales just don't exist...that my expectations are too high...and while that's 100% true...I feel like the last week has been as close to it as you can get. Family, food and the celebration of the birth of my Lord and Saviour. What could possibly be better??

Time

2008-12-17T23:21:00.002-06:00

China is slipping away from me. It doesn't seem too long ago that it seemed like yesterday that we were boarding that plane not only to go to China..but then to come home from China. But for some reason lately...it's seeming like that whole entire, amazing, life changing experience was a million years ago. I don't know if it's because Jillian is totally a part of our family...so it's hard to imagine not having her...or if it's because we are so busy that I just don't have time to dwell on it any longer....or just what. And I'm not sure I even realized it truthfully. Tonight, I'm painting. I've got several paintings due...for teacher gifts....but I took a break to check my email. I haven't been reading my adoption related emails lately...because frankly...I'm just too busy right now. Not only with work stuff...today I was totally consumed with room mom stuff...which I did love by the way. Tonight was different though...for some reason tonight, I read through several. Maybe I was trying to procrastinate a touch...but whatever the reason...I realized how far, far away it seemed. The overwheming sense of sadness has totally come over me. I don't want it to slip through my fingers. I don't want forget how amazing it was. I don't want to forget what all the Lord has done in my life. Roy and I have not one time gotten out the videos from China and watched them...so I think that is definitely in order. I know...and I really do know...that in time, I will forget this and that about the trip. I'll forget the smells of China. I may forget about that Chinese opera....I may forget how much Jillian like congee...I know I'll eventually forget some...but I'm not ready to forget anything yet. So....movie night..here we come....because, I guess movies will just have to be what we settle for until we are able to go back.

The Day after....

2008-12-12T12:38:00.002-06:00

So I'm officially 37. Yesterday was my birthday..and it was amazing. I had lunch with friends...dinner with family...and realized I am amazingly blessed. The girls that work at my store even bought me gifts...which I loved!!! Roy offered me a proposal.....possibly that of a nice new digital SLR camera. This year, there is very little I actually need or want...(other than to get my quilt tops quilted), so Roy offered for my birthday and Christmas....from both he and his mom...to pool that money and put it towards the camera. At first I told him we really should put that money on debt, etc...but then I realized, if they didn't buy me the camera, then the money would be spent on lotion, perfume, shoes, etc. Stuff that I don't need..even though I might want. They aren't not going to give Christmas presents...so this really is the smartest thing to do, right?? I will say, I have a digital camera that works great outside..but the flash stinks inside. I've always been a picture nut..thanks to my daddy snapping pictures of us everytime we turned around...but I am ever so thankful to have those old pics now. Unfortunately most of them are slides, so I've got to figure out how to turn them into prints...or get them on a computer somehow. I'll think of that another day though... For now, I'm camera shopping. Daddy is doing some research for me, which will be very helpful....but I still have a touch of anxiety about it. Maybe once I get it in, and get those pics taken...I'll feel better...but of course, then, I'll need photoshop!! Haha!!

Scrapbooking...more than a hobby....and I'm not selling you anything.

2008-12-09T22:36:00.007-06:00

I'm going to set the scene for you...... the weather channel says we might get snow Wednesday night/Thursday morning. For all of you people from Virginia, etc.....snow in Louisiana is rare, and is cause for great celebration!! Chandler, my very down to earth 12 year old...tries to calm Madison and Collin by reminding them how often the weather channel has said that..and how often we have gotten nothing. At that point, my mom jumps into the conversation and says that really, the best chances for snow are in January....and she is, so very correct. HOWEVER, I remembered that December 11th, 1997....it snowed in West Monroe. I remember that because firstly, it's my birthday...and snow on your birthday in Louisiana is EXTRA special...and secondly because my brother and sister in law were here, and they were heading out to go home that day. So, I immediately jumped up, pulled out my scrapbooks to prove it. There they were...the pics of Chandler..approach his terrible 2's very rapidly....playing in the snow....right in front of our townhouse. The same townhouse that a year or two later we affectionately named, "the mouse house"....but that story is for another day. As our bedtime routine progressed, and while I was rocking Jillian, Madison turned on her little radio to Christmas music. I muted the weather channel....just rocked Jillian, and looked at my Christmas tree. We have so many old ornaments on there..and I love it. It's not a fashionable tree at all...but it's ornaments are full of more memories than I can count. As I'm rocking, and zoning out....I realize Madison is still in the kitchen...so I tell her it's time for her to get in the bed. She tells me she has only one more page to read, and asks if she can please finish it..and then go to bed. I'm thinking to myself, "reading?? what is she reading?? and in the kitchen no less??"...but of course, I tell her that's fine, but as soon as she's done...please go straight to bed. She finishes up, and walks in the living room, and just looks at me. While I wasn't looking, she evidently had pulled out a different scrapbook...from her preschool days...and had been at the kitchen table just pouring over it. It's at this point that she says, "just looking at that book almost made me cry. All those memories, and seeing all those pictures of...(insert special friend's name here that we've lost touch with)...I just wonder where she is. And all you wrote about us...just made me remember how much I miss her." It's now at this point that I almost start to cry as I realize....all those hours and days that I spent working on my 'scrapbooks' weren't wasted....and it's way more than a hobby. They are our memory books...and I am so thankful to have them. I am determined to get back to my scrapbooking before I forget everything from the last 3 years...and yes I'm that far behind. I spend so much time on facebook....which I will absolutely admit is a great way to keep in touch with friends, and have some fun with them...but it's also a great way to get your nose into way too much, that's really not even your business. I think back to those scrapbooking days...with no blogs, no facebook, no email, etc....but I have physical copies of my memories....that will last way longer than anyone's interest in this blog, or what was said to who about what on facebook. I've got to change my focus. Tonight I learned a wonderful, softly spoken, life lesson...and maybe the Lord was whispering to me how way off my focus has become...

Bragging.

2008-12-04T20:04:00.002-06:00

I have to do it. I have to brag on Chandler. He came home Monday or Tuesday telling us that he had tried out for one of the solo's for the Christmas program. I suppose I'll need to give you a little background fyi....he's in 7th grade, and in the men's advanced choir at Good Hope Middle School... So he tried out, and his main competition was 2, 8th graders.. He came home on Tuesday saying he did very well...saying his friends in the class were high fiving him, etc. However, one of the guys he tried out against, is known to be THE strongest singer in the choir. So, we knew "the man" would get one part...and we just had to hope Chandler did well enough get the other part. Soooo, he came home today to tell us he had gotten the solo. I asked him who else got it, and he said NOBODY...it was a one man solo. He beat out THE man. I am so excited and proud for him....although now, he is extremely nervous. I know he'll do great...and I can't wait to see him singing in his tuxedo.

Heading home...

2008-11-29T20:37:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow we are leaving my brother's house. Usually, I'm reading to head home regardless of the situation...but this time, I really truly am not. It has been so heavenly to be out of town not only with my husband and my children, but with my mom, brother and his family. Roy's phone has virtually been silent. I only had one glitch at the store...but nothing too major. My brother's house is beautiful....and he loves to cook all kinds of amazing meals. I think tomorrow morning before we go, he's going to be cooking us Pumpkin pancakes, with cinnamon whipped cream, and home made root beer syrup. Now, before I give too much praise to my brother...my sister in law is a master planner. She has had every meal planned...every activity well thought out....so the combination of their hospitality has just been amazing. It's been such a blessing to have my mom here with us too. She's just so helpful!! I told her the other day that she literally was just going to have to move in with me....so I could have an extra set of hands...and an extra brain! Ha!!

My niece Charlotte, and Collin are like little soul mates. We have giggled at them over the years...but they really truly so precious together. You can tell they LOVE each other. In Charlotte's early years...she loved Chandler so much...I think almost in a little crush way..but as soon as she and Collin were old enough to click...they did. Now, we have Jillian and Adam. They are only 6 months apart...and I am praying that they have the same relationship Collin and Charlotte have. It's much like the relationship between Chandler and his cousin Cole...from Roy's side...and Madison and her cousin Peyton....also from Roy's side. We are very blessed with each of them to have that special cousin that they can always look forward to seeing.

I suppose it's really just been an ideal Thanskgiving holiday. We rarely ever take an entire week off...and I'm so thankful we did. We are rarely all together...I either travel with my mom, or Roy...and this time all of us were able to come. We got to visit some amazing places...and the kids had a ball everywhere we went!! So...other than eating so much my clothes are ridiculously tight, it's been perfect. Literally. Thanks to my brother and sister in laws well planned food.....which included not only the entirety of Thanksgiving detail..but orange cinnamon rolls and biscuits with sausage gravy for breakfast...(and then of course gourmet pancakes tomorrow)...homemade pizza one night, grilled hamburgers another....fresh with blue cheese and guacamole...yum!!!!.... So, other than the fact..heading back home to reality is going to be difficult just because of financial stress, time stress, pre teen stress...but now I look trashy in my clothes. Ha!!! Sorry...I just got a mental picture...eww. Not for long though...Roy is determined for us to lose some weight...so I'll be able to mark that one stress off my list! Whew...now if I could just get that financial stress to go away!!! I keep telling myself if I just move in here, and never go back home...then I'll have nothing else to worry about...but Roy keeps telling me that's not quite how it works....Ha!!

The George Ranch

2008-11-27T07:56:00.004-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I have so very much to be thankful for...I am truly blessed in so many areas of my life. I not only posted this Norman Rockwell painting because of Thanksgiving, but because it reminds me so much of some of what we saw yesterday. Yesterday, we went to a place called the George Ranch. It is one of my favorite places ever. Usually, when we get together at my brother and sister in laws house...they always have all kinds of fun things planned. This time is no different....but I did have a request to go back to the George Ranch. We went years ago when Collin was about 1, and my niece Charlotte was about 6 months old...and it was in the middle of the summer...and steaming hot. Chandler and Madison thoroughly enjoyed it...but we wanted to go back for the little kids...and really, truth be told...for me again. It's a working ranch between Pearland and Lake Jackson, Texas. It's a place...where they have recreated history...and are living it. It's a series of dwellings, houses, homes....and farm land that dates from the 1830's all the way to the 1930's. The first house you go to, is the 2 room pioneer house from the 1830's. There are people in there dressed from the time, working as if they are living in the time, and explaining to you every single thing they are doing. Then you leave there, and go to the 1860's house....then from there you go to the house that was built in the 1890's. That was an amazing elaborate, beautiful, Victorian style mansion. It was really amazing the transition from the 1830's to the 1890's...and then lastly you go to the 1930's house. That is the one that reminded me so much of the Norman Rockwell painting. They have preserved almost every detail of the last 2 houses....even Mrs. George's clothes were hanging in her closet in the 1930's house. Her brush was on her vanity...their stationery was on the desk....the rug that she made was on the floor. It was absolutely fascinating for a history buff like me. They were wealthy people...but lived relatively modestly, especially after the 1890's house....and they were generous. It was just really awe inspiring.... I am thankful we went back, and I'm thankful we went back this time of year. It was just perfect. I'll try to post some pics later....but until then....think of all that you have to be thankful for....and Praise the Lord for it!

Ridiculous!

2008-11-25T19:56:00.002-06:00

First and foremost...I must say something....Hello Phil!!! And Hello Renae!!! My faithful followers!! LOL!!

I know, I know...it's ridiculous how long it's been since I've posted. I have no reasonable excuse whatsoever. I had a really bad couple of weeks...but I usually can find the shiny spot in the middle...but lately, there just was none. I'm working on that though. I am working on finding a place of peace. Joy. Hmmm...does that sound familiar?? Why is it that I am on a stinkin constant search for peace. I feel it so clearly one day....and then the other, I allow myself to fall into total despair. I let the outside circumstances affect every aspect of the attitude of my life, and that's not at all what I want to happen. Outwardly, I can usually put on a smile, and be a goofball at anytime, anyplace but I want to FEEL that way....so that's my goal....

Over the last 2 weeks, we've been running like crazy people...Chandler is playing soccer for Good Hope, and is doing fantabulous!! His coach had originally told them that the first year players would likely not play at all...and he's played every single game...sometimes virtually the entire game. Maddie Licious has started dancing again..preparing for next year at Good Hope...and maybe trying out for the dance line. I can't believe I'll then two kids in middle school...and then the next year I'll have one at West Monroe High School!! AGH!!!! But I digress....as usual....Jillian and Collin are doing just great as well. Collin has been playing his little heart out in football...and loving every single minute of it!! He even got the coach's award for the offensive line for his willingness and wantingness to do whatever the coach's asked of him. He really is such a good kid. Wild, but good.

We have come to my brother and sister in law's house in Pearland, Texas for Thanksgiving week. We got in today about 5ish....right before the 5:00 rush in Houston thankfully. I'm hoping to post more...since their computer is a million times better than mine...and hopefully I'll even be able to post some fun pics!! Please forgive the relative superficialness (I know that's probably really not even a word) of this post....I'll be back to normal soon...I promise!!

A sentence???

2008-11-08T22:12:00.003-06:00

Tonight a whole group of us went out to eat for a friend's birthday. I thought it was just going to be a few couples, but when we got there, the husband had planned a decent sized shin dig for his wife! I really was quite impressed if you want to know the truth. However, right in the middle of eating...my phone rang, and it was time for Madison to be picked up from her friend's house. I told them I would be there in about 30 minutes or so....if they didn't mind...which they didn't. So, pretty much as soon as we finished eating....I headed out the door of the restaurant to go get her. I then see Roy bringing Jillian to my car crying hysterically...(we brought seperate cars for a variety of reasons). She got in, and clearly just didn't want to go with him for some goofy reason. As he locked her in the car seat, and closed the door, I asked her if all she wanted was just to come with mama....to which she replied with a waving finger pointing straight out the door..."no no daddy....mama!!!". Could you consider that a sentence?? I am pretty sure you could!! 4 words...with a pause. It's got to be a sentence!! Progress!! We are officially making progress!! Woohoo!!!

Random pics from the last week.....

2008-11-06T17:06:00.005-06:00

Jillian and I at the Chinese restaurant.
Cheese.

Grandma and Jillian at our Gotcha Day celebration.

Collin and Jillian.

Please...no more pics...can you tell her smile is fading! LOL!!

Chandler was a jamaican ninja...in case you are wondering...which you should be.

Madison and her friend Alana....at Alana's house.

Cute random pic at the Children's Museum.

One Year Anniversary

2008-11-05T07:50:00.002-06:00

This is going to be gushy....I can feel it. I can feel the tears coming....so be forewarned. One year ago this morning, I was getting on a bus, to board a plane, to finally have Jillian put in my arms. I remember it like it was yesterday. I hope I always do. The last year has flown by where Jillian is concerned.... Jillian immediately fell right into our family. The adjustments over the last year have been small compared to what I expected them to be. Remembering all the stuff you need to have in your diaper bag...potty training, speech, etc. Those are all basics that you would have to do with a toddler anyway really. But for the most part, adoption carries so many other challenges that you just can't even prepare for...but you try as hard as you can to. These are those things that have been minimal for my family. No adjustment issues. No attachment issues. No night terrors. It has been amazing to watch her.

Tonight, my mom, the kids and I loaded up and went to eat Chinese for dinner. I always kind of thought that was kind of cheesy, and never thought I would do it myself, but I couldn't resist. On the way there, I started asking the kids what their version of gotcha day was. I could get almost no information out of them...except for the fact that they had wished each day that I would post more pictures on the blog. I remember that day, and the entire trip so clearly. I remember after we got Jillian, walking forever and a day to the grocery store...and wondering how on earth we were going to walk back with groceries, and a baby!! I remember those first smiles. I posted them on the blog that day. She had just eaten some of that baby food that we walked so far to get....and she was so happy. I expected not to get a smile for a LONG time, and I got one that day. (here come the tears!) And as I think of all those precious memories...that I pray I never forget as long as I live....I realize that I miss China. Who would have ever thought that would come out of my mouth...or off my fingers in this case! The smells of China were so clear....not that it was my favorite smell, but it was China. The people worked SO hard. I still often think of those older ladies sweeping the streets with bamboo brooms. It still blows my mind. Guangzhou was my favorite of all the cities that we visited...it was huge...but Shamian Island was just gorgeous. Shopping was great....I still regret not getting more. One day, I'll go back. I don't know when it will be...but one day....

If you've been a follower of my blog....thank you for joining us during these ups and downs of this last year. I know we've sure had some downs in other areas of life. But Jillian has been my up. I am convinced that the Lord put her in my life for proof of His knowledge and power of what is best for us. If there is anything I've done right in my life...it's been this journey. I have said before....I know this adoption is bigger than just this adoption. I overheard Madison telling Roy tonight that when she grew up she wanted to be a photographer, and an orphan mama. I love that the Lord has changed, and softened the hearts of my children. I love that the Lord has blessed me to be part of this miracle. My heart is so full today....and I am so very thankful.

Do you love it??

2008-11-04T19:29:00.003-06:00

Do you absolutely love my new blog look?? Seriously! If you are a blogger...you HAVE to get Carla to do you a blog makeover!! Go to her blog.... lewterfamily4.blogspot.com Click on all the different links....and get her to do one!! All the proceeds go to her adoption!!! I love it!!!!! Woohoo!!!

I've been tagged...

2008-11-03T13:05:00.002-06:00

I've seen this on so many blogs....and I think I've even been tagged once before...but never filled out the info. So, here is my answer to my tagging...7 random/weird things about myself......

1. I worked at Burger King in high school. How embarassing is that...but I had to pay for my clothes somehow. That was when the Limited was a HUGE thing, and my mom refused to buy anything like that...so it was Sears..or get a job and buy my own clothes. Job won.

2. I grew up all over South Louisiana...I lived in Lake Charles, Lafayette, and New Orleans, before finally moving up here to West Monroe...and I was shocked!! For those not from Louisiana, North Louisiana should be a different state. I grew up going to crab boils, fishing, and cajun. Up here....is nothing like that. It's not all redneck...but we sure do have our share.

3. I am obsessed with history. Ok, obsessed may be a strong word, but it absolutely fascinates me. If I were to ever read a book, it would be something historical. When I was in late elementary school, I had to do a social studies project. I decided to do it on the holocaust, ( I guess I was already obsessed then), and it blew me away. I still remember making those playdough people with big yellow stars on their shirts. It was very impactful.

4. Part of me...and I'm not really sure how big of a part, but at least part, would like to live in a foreign country. Not sure why. Well, maybe I do, but I just don't know how to say it.

5. I've been to 2 Olympic sights, right before those various Olympics started. (struggling here). Barcelona, and Beijing.

6. My nervous habit is to type....on my fingers. If you are ever around me, you'll notice my fingers going ninety to nothing. I'm probably typing what you are saying. Weird, I know.

7. I can't stand anything that has to do with eyeballs. If one of my kids gets something in there....too bad. Somebody else will have to deal with it. I could never, ever be a doctor.

That's about all I can think of. Unfortunately, I'm such a transparent person, that almost everybody knows most things about me. Maybe something of this will be a surprise. I'm supposed to link someone else to tag...but I don't know how...so that'll just have to be that.

2008-10-31T12:19:00.002-05:00

Last year....we pretty much missed Halloween. When we had our layover in Detroit....most of the workers at the airport were dressed up for Halloween...so that was nice. We ate at Chili's...I called my friend Angie to find out exactly how many xanax I could take...(really!), and then boarded the plane to head out for China. The next time we saw ground in Tokyo, Japan..it was November 1st. And by the time we got to Beijing...November 1st was pretty much over there. Crazy huh??

Twas the night before....

2008-10-30T18:19:00.004-05:00

Twas the night before leaving when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, including my spouse.
The luggage was packed and repacked with care
in hope that our daughter would soon find us there.
No child was nestled or snug in our bed,
she slept that night in her orphanage bed.
And Mama in her kerchief with luggage in sight
had just settled our brains for a long sleepless night.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutter, And threw up the sash.
The sun on the grass and the newly formed dew
gave promise of morning time to bid our adieu.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a yellow airport taxi and our friends we hold dear.
With a little old driver, so lively and pip,
I new in a moment we start our big trip.
More rapid than eagles, from our cities we came,
and we whistled and shouted and called them by name:
Jackson! Detroit! Tokyo! LA!
Beijing! Nanning! Guangzhou today!
From the Great Wall of China to the Province of Guandong
now dash away…dash away…dash away ALL!
Like treasure from heaven in our arms they did place,
our precious new daughter tears fell from our face.
So up to the hotel room with our child we flew
our new bundle of joy "We have presents for you."
Then, in a twinkling, I heard from the door
"Paperwork to do!" I heard myself "MORE?"
Like rain from the heavens when hurricanes fly
tears just like raindrops fell from our eyes.
We bathed her and dressed her from her head to her toe
with ribbons and dresses and a giant hair bow.
A bundle of clothes we had that were too big or too small
we sent to the orphanage to be shared by them all.
Her eyes- how they twinkled! Her dimples, how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, my nose red as a cherry!
Her beautiful smile was drawn up like a bow,
and both of her parents seemed to give off a glow.
A stamp of her foot and a print from our thumb
made a family of us the adoption was done!
Passport and Visa then the Consulate Visit.
Our paperwork done? Afraid that it isn't.
The paperwork workshop we held in the hall
when finished a sigh, came from us all.
A wink of an eye and a twist of a head
soon gave me to know we had nothing to dread.
He spoke a few words, went straight through our work
double checked our documents then turned with a jerk.
He wanted to know "was this the daughter we chose"
and giving a nod; up from his desk he arose.
They gave the approval, we gave a loud whistle,
and away we all flew like the down of a thistle.
They heard us exclaim, both me and my wife:
"Blessings to all and to all a good life!"

I still cannot read this without crying. One year ago tonight...I was terrified. I remember laying on my sofa...after visitors had gone...and everybody else was in bed, thinking, "I can't do this!!". I never imagined that this trip...that I dreaded more than anything in my entire life, would be so magical. The Lord blessed me 100 fold. I knew getting Jillian would be a blessing....but the entire trip was so amazing...words just can't describe it. Last year, on this date, I didn't know what Jillian's personality would be...what she would look like...if she would be healthy....how much she would grieve. Frankly, I wasn't convinced I was going to get to her. I remember one time praying...and I so clearly remember saying, "Lord, if you have these great plans for Jillian's life...then You can't kill us in a plane crash." I really did say that. And I really did mean it. What a year it's been. I never imagined last year, on this night, that this year, on this night, I would be crying at my computer thinking I wish I could do it all over again.

Uh oh.

2008-10-28T22:47:00.003-05:00

Clearly I have messed up my blog. It's late...everybody is asleep....and I'm bored. Of course, I should TOTALLY not be bored, due to the fact that my house is a disaster... Just a little fyi about myself...I rearrange my house all he time....so I thought I would try it on my blog! Thank goodness my travel buddy Carla made my page. And since I'm going to beg her to help me fix it...I may as well give her a plug. Her family is going back to China to adopt another special needs child. She's got link on her blog for donations....and for blog makeovers, with all the proceeds going to her next adoption! Her blog address is lewterfamily4.blogspot.com. Go check it out...and maybe my blog will be fixed soon...and it might even be totally different. Maybe with a little red in it?? Who knows???!!!

The boy who cried wolf...or was it a girl?

2008-10-28T21:05:00.003-05:00

Since I've not had a great day, and I'm determined not to go down that road...I thought I would tell ya'll a dramatic story that happened to Madison last week. Last year and the year before, Madison literally called me about every other day with some ailment that needed my immediate attention. Each and everytime, she would want to come home. When she called me last week, I probably rolled my eyes or something like that, thinking 'here we go again!!' She proceeded to tell me how she had been choking in the cafeteria....and because of that, she was crying so hard that she needed some advil for her head. I told her she probably just had some drainage....she of course, said, 'no, I was choking on food'. Again, I reassured her and told her all was well, but I would come asap with some advil....but it would not be immediately. About 30 minutes later, I left the store, certainly not in a rush, and brought my little Maddie Lee some advil. When I got there, the secretary buzzed down for her to come down to the office without me saying a word. This should have been a warning sign...but I ignored it. Since no words were needed, I went and waited in the hallway to watch for her to come. She is in the very last classroom at the end of a fairly long hallway, but I still saw her coming...but her teacher was walking her. Keep in mind, she is in 5th grade.... which means middle school next year...no teacher is needed by now. This also should have been a warning sign, but I know this particular fairly well, and thought she just wanted to say hi. I could not have been more wrong. As they got closer and closer, I could see that the teacher was fairly red...and was beginning to well up a little bit in her eyes. Strange. Finally, they get to me, and Mrs. Munn says...."GIRL!". I look at Madison....and she starts to well up in her eyes. The whole story is....Madison and Mrs. Munn were sitting at lunch talking about Ashley and Phillip. Madison took a bite of an orange about the time Mrs. Munn asked her a question. When she went to answer, she breathed in and sucked the orange down her throat, where it chose to stay. Mrs. Munn threw her arms up, called the other teachers over, started doing everything they knew to do. Mrs. Salazaar was going to do the Heimlic maneuver when the orange popped out. By then, Madison was so hysterical that they had to physically carry her out of the cafeteria. When she finally calmed down, poor Mrs. Munn then lost it. She said she immediately called her husband...who is clearly a great guy...and he immediately brought her a sweet tea to help calm her down. So here I am, standing in the hallway, watching both Madison and her teacher starting to cry while telling me this awful story....and all I could think was....'I told her it was probably drainage!!!!!' I felt like dirt! And get this....to make matters worse, the next morning, I had to go up to the school to help judge a little art contest. No lie, every teacher I passed asked how Madison was. Parents stopped me and asked how Madison was. One mom called me very shook up stating her daughter became very frightened, and just yesterday, a mom sent me an email checking on her....letting me know that her son also had become very frightened. Yeah. Drainage. I bet I win mom of the year!

Joy.

2008-10-27T22:17:00.003-05:00

For some time, I've really been praying for the joy of the Lord to come back to my life. But I've been stuck in such a rut for SO long that if I'm not a stay at home mom, and my kids can't participate in all their various activities, then it is just not possible for me to be happy. Don't get me wrong...I definitely have my good days, and my bad days...ask the girls at the Depot...they'll give you the real scoop...lol!! But I mean that true joy...that inner peace regardless of what is going on. So I've been thinking about my job, and my kids, and really, how very blessed I am....even with the pressures of owning your own business. Today I got up, got Jillian up about 9:30 so we could go to a funeral for a dear friend's family member. After that, I went to the store for a bit, left the store to go eat lunch with my kids at their school. After that, I went back to the store until it was time to pick the kids up from school. We came home, I made them a snack, took Collin to art, ran to Wal Mart, came home, and cooked supper. And then the rest of the evening was just normal...cleaning the kitchen, laundry, telling the kids over and over and over to pick up their clothes up out of the bathroom floor. But I digress...my point of all that is...how many jobs out there could I do that at?? Unless you count a drug rep that is working like a drug rep, but should be working more...none. And I DO make money at my store. If I really thought about it, my price per hour is probably petty stinkin good!!! Now, if I could work like a dog to get my mind off of it when it's not necessary....then my problems would probably be solved. So, as I struggle with what to do, and how to do it, I am going to focus on the good things about my job. Starting right now. I got some fairly frustrating news today about my competitor....but so be it!!! There is absolutely nothing I can do about it...so why let it keep me up all night!! Right?? Right!!! Ok, so tomorrow when I'm devestated again....remind me to come read this blog!!!!

To stress or not to stress.

2008-10-25T15:55:00.003-05:00

I know what you are going to think after you read this..but don't judge me too harshly!! Just call me fish. As I've thought of the freedom that selling the store would bring....I remembered why I was looking for a job in the first place. We need the money. And I remembered being so stressed about everything! How would we pay for this and that. How would Chandler ever be able to get braces?? How would we ever be able to do home updates that need to be done...not that we just want to be done. And then I asked myself...am I just trying to run from stress?? I can either have the stress of working, or not working. I wasn't the mother I needed to be when I was stressed about money. So what is the answer?? It is not an option for my husband to get another job. He loves what he does. And I mean loves it. Frankly, he's happy enough for both of us. And likewise, I'm stressed enough for both of us. How awful is that?? He seems to have the mentality of "what's the big deal...we'll sell the house if we need to...". Unfortunately, I don't have that attitude. And boy do I wish I did at this point in time. So, that brings me all the way back around to what on earth am I supposed to do? Just pray for me and all these decisions. I either need the Lord to send a buyer that would offer what I need, or I need Him to bless my business. Until tomorrow at least, when I feel something different. LOL!

So am I questioning the Lord?? Absolutely not. Am I questioning myself hearing the Lord. Yes. Unfortunately that's what I do. When we got the call about Jillian, I questioned myself every step of the way. I was so afraid of making the wrong decision....the one the Lord didn't want me to make. I was convinced if it was my flesh that answered the call, something dreadful would happen. I know deep down, that's not really the way the Lord works. He knows my heart. My days of being a happy stay at home mom with no financial worries are gone, unless the Lord steps in. Is He capable....absolutely, but is that what He wants from me?? What does HE want from me???? AGH!!!

Surrender, and listen.

2008-10-25T10:50:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a really, really bad day. But my eyes are very open now to what the Lord has been wanting me to see for some time, I believe. The Lord has strategically placed 3 people in my life over the last two weeks to open my eyes to the fact that I am not surrendering, and I'm not listening to anything He has to say. The first one made me really think about things....and ponder some things that I really have not let go of, that I should have. I'm not doing the best job at that...but I am conciously working on that, and thinking about things that I can change. Not the things that everybody else can change...which is what I tend to think about way too often. The next person, stopped me randomly in the hallway of the kids school, and out of the blue...told me, "I haven't told you what the Lord is telling me now."...then proceeded to tell me that the Lord was calling her to homeschool her 4 kids, one of which is entering high school next year. She doesn't want to, doesn't really feel capable right now...but clearly has heard from the Lord that He is calling her to. He's not even just calling her to just do it, but He is calling her to pour her life into it. We talked for probably an hour about what the Lord has spoken to her. I realized then, for the second time in a week or so, that I am so stinkin busy that I just don't really hear from the Lord anymore. She asked how the store was, and I started telling her how I thought it was for a season, but that I'd like to sell it. Which I do. I don't generally tell people that though these days, I tell them it's great! Then, yesterday afternoon, I found out that a project that I had been working for months on at work, was handed to my competitor on a silver platter. It seems a touch shady to be perfectly honest. I had worked with specific people looking for some specific items, and they ordered it from me. But, someone in the higher ups, decided to ask my competitor for a bid, not ask me, and give the job to my competitor. I literally felt like the wind was knocked out from me. I cannot even tell you how upset it was. Immediately, my first reaction was..."that's it! I'm closing it down!!". And then I realized a conversation I had had in the spring with the 3rd person the Lord strategically placed in my life. In the spring, I desperately wanted to sell the store...my heart was at home with the kids, but my mind was very preoccupied with everything at the store. I had counseled with this person, who knows me inside and out....and she confirmed what I was feeling. She told me that it was clear to her that I should sell the store, based on everything I had been telling her over the time, but I couldn't flounder on my decision. At the time...I thought, "I'm not floundering....I want to sell it, no questions asked.". But as we did my taxes, and realized how much money I really made....and then I floundered. There was no way I could sell it, and not have that money. So, as all this came up...all I could think about was how the Lord had given me the opportunity to sell it, and I truthfully felt like I was supposed to sell it...but I let money get in my way, and went outside of His will. I firmly believe He is trying to speak to me, and has been since about December of last year....but I am simply not listening. I then spoke to that 3rd person again yesterday afternoon, and it was as if she knew this was coming...she's been experiencing similar things in her life. It's so hard when the Lord is telling you to do something, but you literally cannot figure out how it will work, if you obey. I don't know where the extra money will come from if I sell it. I don't know how we will have any extras in our life. And truthfully, I don't know who would buy it, and pay us what is needed....since I have just recently restocked the entire store!!! Maybe He's just wanting me to be obedient....or maybe not. Maybe He's got so many much bigger plans....for all of us involved in the Depot! But I know, that I know, I've got to trust Him. In all things....not just our financial state. And then I ask myself...why is that so hard to do...with ALL that He's shown me personally that He is capable of doing. Surrender. What a hard word.

Costume Party #2

2008-10-22T14:34:00.004-05:00

At church, we have a small group called 'girlfriends'. We get together once a month, play some crazy games, eat some food, have a little time of worship, and prayer. It is always absolutely amazing, and the coordinator is an amazingly gifted woman. Since this one fell so close to Halloween, they decided to make it a costume party. I absolutely had to redeem myself somehow after the frightening "joker" costume from last week. I decided to attempt June Cleaver...and I think it turned out pretty well. I ended up going to an antique store, and racking up with all kinds of good things...for dirt cheap. Here are some pics...enjoy!

Caroline...aka Mimi from Drew Carrey show, and...me...aka..June Cleaver.
Richard Simmons came back to join us!
June and her little friend....Lil Taryn.

Mish Mash

2008-10-18T22:25:00.002-05:00

That's what we call it when I don't cook supper, and everybody just gets what they want. Cereal, toast, sandwich, chicken noodle soup, ravioli, and spaghettios are some of our favorite mish mash items. Not that that really has anything to do with my post....other than this may be a little scattered. What else is new is what you are thinking right?? I know...but really, that's how my mind works. I am an amazing multi tasker. I can literally do a countless things at once...but what I've realized...is that's how my mind works too. Hence the sleeping problems, etc. It's just going and going. Anyway...this weekend was Chandler's all state choir concert. We went last year...and he thoroughly enjoyed it. This year...we didn't know if Chandler would make it again since he was grouped with older boys with much mature voices. Thankfully he did, as it was another thoroughly enjoyable year. We stayed at the host hotel this year which made a huge difference in Chandler's 'fun' level. While I loved the cost of staying a my daddy's, and the fellowship between Daddy and I, Chandler really did miss out on alot of fun that the other kids were having after practice just hanging around the hallways, etc. We also got to take a tour of the capitol because Chandler's friend's Mom is dating a Senator. It was a great tour for the boys! I passed on going to the top of the capitol. Chandler told me later that he was glad I did...because I would "have freaked!!!". They went up on the very top...and looked over the balcony...24 floors up. Yes, I would have freaked...and then I would have thrown up.

While we were in Baton Rouge, we drove around to see Daddy's house which is ruined right now due to Gustav. It really is stunning when you see the massive amounts of 100 year old trees that are uprooted and gone due to this Hurricane. So much history wiped away. Of course it was nothing like post Katrina New Orleans....but it's still devestating nevertheless. Daddy will probably be in this rental for another 3 months or so...until they can get to his house. The list is a mile long for all these contractors. Daddy said this weekend, he would give anything to be in the roofing business during Hurricane Season. And I said I would be happy to join that business!! LOL!!

There are still so many scattered thoughts in my head right now....I so enjoyed time with just Chandler, and I know he will be a teenager in a few short months...and my time 'talking' with him is limited. Oh how I am praying for the Lord to have His had on him. I have also reunited on facebook with one of my elmentary friends....and it's made me so sentimental....I know, that's not hard. My mom took the kids to the zoo today while Roy had a church function, and I was still in Baton Rouge..and I'm so very thankful for that. She's really the best grandmother anybody could ever ask for....even when my life is so crazy that I become a pitiful daughter. Another friend of mine is going through one of the toughest times in her adult life...so say a prayer for her tonight...the Lord will know who you are talking about. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. But for now, I suppose I'm going to try to turn in...and turn my brain off. Really...if anybody has spare prescription of Lunesta...please feel free to send it to me anytime!!!

Bunco Pics....

2008-10-17T19:03:00.004-05:00

Tracy!!!
Me and Tracy....
Richard Simmons....aka Angie!! Excercise Girls!!!
Check out the pit hair!
The whole group of us.
Tracy working on fixing my hair!
Sarah and Shannon....the nun.

We had such a fun night that night! The pics of me are really scary aren't they?? I kind of look like a mix between bozo the clown...and something else that I just can't figure out! Anyway...get a good laugh!!

Sleepless days and sleepless nights.

2008-10-16T00:45:00.002-05:00

I can't sleep....again. I've got so much on my mind it's ridiculous. I'm heading out of town tomorrow... headed to Baton Rouge with Chandler for his All state choir concert. Last year it was so much fun. I was really, really impressed with the level of excellence these kids sang at. It was fantastic. As usual though, the timing is pitiful for this weekend. Roy is going to be busy virtually the entire time I'm gone. I've already asked Mom to come in and help as much as possible for Saturday....but now Roy's going to be busy Thursday night and Friday too. I have no concept of who possibly is going to help during those times. The girls at the store schedules for this weekend got all mixed up, so getting that worked out took up my entire afternoon today...all because of lack of communication. None of these issues are life threatening...none of them are relationship ruining...none of them can't be worked out...but man are they frustrating. Jillian's not been quite acting herself lately either....which is throwing a kink in our daily routines. This too shall pass.

However, on the flipside of all this....I went to Roy's uncle's funeral today. I saw him once a year for about the past 20 years or so at family reunions. I don't think I've ever had a major converstion with him at all. In fact, I can't say that I knew he even lived in our town. Sad. I did find out today though, that apparently he was an absolutely amazing Godly man. He lived each and everyday for the Lord. He made it clear to everyone around him what his priorities were. He lived 85 years, raised his children, knew his grandchildren, and great grandchildren. And now it's over. He evidently made his life to be a life for the Lord. Not rich in material possessions, but so very rich in all the other areas. So, after days like today....of LOTS of running around, trying to find a tie for the concert, run here, run there, place this order, etc., etc...I have to caution myself to remember...this will all be over one day. And soon, this entire busy, frustrating day I've had will not even be remembered by anybody involved. I just wonder why I let my mind get so filled with such clutter, when it is all in passing. Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ has given us peace.... and peace of mind. I know I for one just have to reach out and grab ahold of it. And while I'm at it, I'll take a little rest too. :)

Bunco.

2008-10-14T23:47:00.004-05:00

Does anybody out there play bunco? I have had friends that have played it for years, but I never really thought it was for me. In the past, I never took a girls night or anything like that really. However, I am now at a point in my life, that I want to get out, once a month, and enjoy myself. I have always thought that would be selfish of me to do that....and it just wasn't for me. I never thought bad of people who did...it just wasn't for me. Truth be told...I need it. I don't work lots of hours everyday, but I am one of those people who can't turn their mind off. So, regardless of whether I've been at the store for 7 hours, or 3 hours, my mind is still on a 24 hour schedule. Not to mention the fact, that I do have a 4 kids. Again, they aren't non stop like they used to be....but sometimes I just get mentally exhausted. I also have never really been invited to join a group, that had lots of my friends in it either....until this group. I think this night tonight was my 3rd time to play. Last month, I thought there was no way I could laugh any harder than I did that night. In fact, at first, everybody seemed a little bit quieter than usual tonight. But then it got started. I truthfully have some of the craziest, and funniest friends in the entire world. This month, we decided that for tonight, since it was October, we would make it a costume party. I guess since men aren't involved...we all just cut loose. My friend Angie dressed as Richard Simmons, and literally laughed so hard she peed in her pants. Another friend dressed as a nun...and acted it out the entire night. Actually, we met those two at the dollar general parking lot so we could all ride together...and to our surprise, they walked out of dollar general, instead of their car....which obviously means they weren't afraid to walk around in public like they were!! And so on and so on. I was dressed as an old lady, with crazy teased hair, and LOTS of makeup. I think by the time it was all over I ended up looking like one of the Who's from the Grinch. Truly, it was one of the most fun nights of my entire adult life. I am so incredibly blessed with such amazing friends!! The Lord as been so unbelievably good to me in that area of my life. I'll have to download pics and post them tomorrow so you can all have a good laugh.

Fried Squirrel.

2008-10-12T22:33:00.002-05:00

I ate it! I did....I really did. Fried squirrel! There is a relatively long story behind that, but I'll try to make it short. My friend Alisha had asked if Collin could go hunting with Finley this weekend. Long story short again..we said yes. In the meantime, Chandler was asked to go stay with a friend, and Alisha hates to stay at her house by herself...so she asked me and Madison to come stay with her. I absolutely couldn't pass up that request, (especially since that meant Roy would go home with Jillian... just them two), so Madison and I headed out to the country. Madison played with Aubrey, Alisha's daughter, and Alisha and I talked and talked. Literally, we stayed up till 4 am talking about anything and everything. I never imagined that we would have that much to talk about!! I think at 3 or so, I said, "we have GOT to go to bed!!"...and she said back..."but how often do we get to do this!!". Of course, the answer is never, so we chit chatted some more! Alisha is my friend that I had blogged about a long time ago... about going to her grandmother's every Saturday to eat lunch. And how wonderful I thought that was, and how great the food was...I think I even said..."amazing food" maybe. Well, since I had spent the night on Friday, I was privileaged to be able to go out to Chatham, to the grandmother's house. This particular weekend however, they had decided to fry up some squirrel. I had never eaten it before, but I know tons of people that do on a regular basis....so I thought...."if I'm gonna eat squirrel....where else better to do it, then in the country in an old country house, on beautiful property..on a beautiful day." So I did. And it really wasn't so bad after all. I don't know honestly if I ever want to eat it again. It was an awful lot of work for about 2 bites of meat. But that's neither here nor there. I have to tell you though, each and every time I go out to that grandmother's house I am in awe for so many different reasons. Just the fact that this family gathers, for the most part, every single Saturday amazes me in and of itself. But the house is as it has been for years and years. Very little updating per se. And they liked it like that. I thought, you know, if I can hold on to what I don't like about my house, eventually....I'll like it again. And eventually, it will be what comforts me. And hopefully, what will one day comfort my children when they come 'back home'. Sometimes I think how much I would love to move...even maybe to out in the country....but I'm just so sentimental....I think it would hurt me to leave my house. I know it would hurt Chandler..he freaks out every time we even mention moving. It's not a great house. But it's a good house, and there are just so many great memories here. I want my kids to have a 'go back home' house to go home to. And honestly, I would really, eventually like to have a 'camp' out in the country. But I don't think I could move out there any time soon. Especially with gas so expensive, and as many kids as I have!! LOL!! So now that you all know that I have eaten fried squirrel, I hope you don't think less of me. Who knows...one day I might even eat rabbit. I hear its better than squirrel anyway!

Looking back.

2008-10-09T08:36:00.002-05:00

I couldn't remember the exact date last year that we got our travel approval. I knew it was sometime about now, but not the exact date. So, I went back in my blog to find out the official date. I have to tell you, I am overwhelmed with the memories that came flooding back. I know I've said often, that we thought we went to China for a one time deal. I can't express to you all what kind of zero interest we had in going back. But that trip of a lifetime became so much more...if that's even possible. I know we have so many emotional ties to it simply because of the fact we met our daughter, but truly the culture of that country is just incredible. This morning, after I saw we got our travel approval of October 15th....I kept reading. Those feelings of excitement, fear, anticipation, and pure joy came back totally over me. I also realized how much I relied on the Lord to get me through it. I think about the trip now, and realize, once again, how much the Lord's hand was on it. And how much I leaned on Him. I know, at I know that I couldn't have done it without the peace and knowledge that He Himself had put Jillian in our lives....and we had to go get her. And when we went to get her...He blessed us. Literally, we had not one piece of lost luggage, not one delayed flight, not one issue of weather the entire trip, etc., etc. All the things we had heard countless 'horror' stories about. I remember when I was packing, I intentionally separated all of our clothes in different suitcases in case any one piece of luggage got lost. None did. I packed all kinds of powerade, tums, pepto bismol, and antibiotics just in case any of us got sick. None of us did. It truly was a fairy tale trip....for the most part. I suppose it can't really be one of my fairy tales with 2 24 hour airplane trips! lol!!

As I was reading up to the point of our travel, I also realized how so very similar my life is this year as compared to last year. Chandler went to his first dance party last year...and he went back to the exact same dance party this year. He also made all state choir...and did again this year...so we are off to Baton Rouge in a week or two. I remember going to pick out fall festival costumes realizing that when they were at the fall festival, I would be in the air somewhere between Detroit and Tokyo....and we just picked out our new costumes. Just good memories. Warm fuzzies. I am so thankful for the work the Lord has done. Is our life perfect?? No way, no how...just ask my mom....but the Lord knew exactly what He was doing when He put Jillian YuLu Duffey in the lives of Leslie, Roy, Chandler, Madison and Collin Duffey. She has changed our lives....and I literally cannot imagine life without her.

Fireproof.

2008-10-07T22:31:00.004-05:00

Tonight we went to see fireproof. One of my dear friends from the church called out of the blue and said she wanted to come watch the kids for us to go. It really is a must see for every couple...and I really mean couple. I know sometimes there is a tendency for girls to go to the movies together on a girl's night....but don't make this one of those. Go with your husband...you'll see why when you go. I'm not sure why, but over the years, sometimes people I don't know very well just open up to me. Not just chit chatting, but really, really open up to me. Again, I'm not sure why..,maybe I'm a good secret keeper....or maybe I was just there when they needed to vent. But I have to admit, that I have become frighteningly surprised at the amount of people....and great Christian people at that who have struggling marriages. Not just the normal frustrations of marriage... I mean REALLY struggling. Don't get me wrong..I'm sure every marriage has it's ups and downs....and frankly, the end of last year and the beginning of this one was pretty stinkin' down for us even. I know I'm getting a touch personal....but unfortunately I'm about as transparent as they come. I also think for us all to pretend that we have perfect fairy tale marriages, sets others up for disappointment. You know..you always point to 'that' couple that seemingly has it all together, and you end up comparing yourself to something that's so totally unrealistic, that it's absolutely impossible to live up to your own false expectations. Anyway....let me get off that rabbit trail....and back to the movie. I think it's a good eyeopener for all of us. Every marriage on the face of this earth, has a bullseye on it straight from the enemy himself. Make it a Godly marriage, and the bullseye just got bigger. I don't remember the names of all the characters in the movie....but the lead guy's best friend made some outstanding points. I'm sure any of you out there that have gone through a divorce can testify that the scars run so very deep. My parents got divorced when I was a sr. in high school. At the time, I thought it was fine. In my mind, I understood that they had grown apart, etc., etc. I was the only child at home at the time, so it wasn't that big of a deal...in my mind. It wasn't until many, many years later that it hit me. Roy had bought me Barry Manilow's greatest hits one year for Valentine's Day. My mom was a big Barry Manilow fan, and we listened to it often growing up....along with the Bee Gee's and the Beatles, mixed in with a litte Styx and Queen. How's that for variety?!! LOL!! Anyway, I started playing the CD, and started to tear up. I didn't think too much about it, since I am a big cry baby. But then I couldn't turn it off....my tears that is. I cried and cried and cried. Harder and harder and harder. And I finally realized that it brought back the memories of my family, that I would not ever have again. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. And in my late 20's or early 30's....my parents divorce made me sad....for the first time. The sense of loss was overwhelming....more than 10 years after the fact. My parents divorce wasn't a messy divorce...they actually still think the world of each other. So I can only imagine, different circumstances, and the depth of scars. Our society made it seem like nobody really gets hurt...does anybody else hear how relaxed people talk about their divorce. I'd be freaking out!! Maybe that's that transparent person in me....and maybe everybody else can keep it together much better. We have, as a Christian community, as young families, as friends, GOT to get a grip on our marriages. Pray for them. Pray for our husbands that are being lured by not only porn on their computers, but half dressed women ALL over the place. I'm shocked at how some people walk out of the house. Frankly, I'm shocked at how some moms and dads let their middle school girls walk out of the house. What are they thinking?? The bible tells us that even lustful thoughts are adultery. I know I'm branching out of my prayer requests for children, but in reality, praying for our marriages IS praying for our children. So now that you know my life story...go see the movie. You'll love it!

Facebook.

2008-10-05T21:54:00.004-05:00

I know....I'm not in college, and I'm hardly a teenager, but I do really like facebook. How crazy is it, that one of my bridesmaids that I had lost contact with, and have searched for, for several years really, would find me on facebook. I was SO tickled when I got that 'friend request'...and found out who it was. Actually, if you are like me, you'd be excited to get any friend request...lol!! I know facebook can be so time consuming if you let it, but I have found more positive than negative so far. And it's certainly not near as time consuming as myspace for sure!! I also found 2 other girls that were so close to me during college. We were all in Interior Design at Tech....and our studio classes lasted forever. Needless to say, we all became very close. For now though, I'm hoping to find more of my old friends....and make them my new friends all over again. I'm loving this! Just my little tidbit for the day.

UPDATE: Woohoo!! I've gotten more friends on facebook since this post!! Yippee for me!

Thoughts...

2008-10-04T23:07:00.003-05:00

I almost got up this morning and apologized for my post last night. I didn't want to delete it, because it was how I felt, and deleting posts always seems a little fishy to me. I told Roy, when we were discussing why I was so tired today, that I had just really gotten myself all worked up last night thinking about Romania again. I literally cried and prayed for hours, to the point of needing eye drops this morning. Truth be told....that rarely happens....but it's not the first time it's happened either. And then I realized, for whatever reason, (I personally believe it was God ordained), the sense of urgency that was put in my 'gut' for Romanian orphans was so very real. I actually didn't get myself worked up....I truly feel like the Lord put it there. When I sat down to my computer, I fully intended to blog about something different. I had had a great night with some amazing friends, and I wanted to tell the world how blessed I felt. But as I typed, it just wasn't right. No telling how many sentences I deleted. And then out of the blue, I started to blog about Romania. I had really decided not to even write about it knowing good and well that any family of mine that reads this will think I've lost my mind. But I suppose that was established a long time ago! :) So as Roy and I were talking about it, he asked me what I felt called to....and my response sadly was.."I don't know....what can I do??". I am trusting the Lord to guide me once again. Obviously, I can't keep adopting children....and Romania wouldn't even let me....(and neither would Roy! LOL!), and our budget is stretched as far as it can go and then some, but I am convinced there is something out there that I can do....and not only that I can do, but that I'm supposed to do. I'm just going to have to wait on the Lord, and listen for that still small voice....once again.

Romania.

2008-10-03T23:56:00.005-05:00

I felt the call to adopt probably still when I was about 11 or 12. Of course I didn't know then it was a call at the time. In fact, I probably didn't even know what a call was!! I just saw all the stories on tv about the plight of Romanian orphans, and my heart broke. From that time on....through the years of Nadia Comaneci, I wanted to grow up, and adopt. As the years went on, Romania put a halt to all international adoptions for who knows what reason. I was so upset at first when I heard that, because I was so sure for so long that I would adopt a baby/child from Romania. What now? And why on God's green earth would they do that, when SO many children are suffering?? I still have no answer for that.....I guess it goes back to that eight letter word that I hate so much....politics. Anyway, for me, in the adoption realm, my mind turned to the Eastern European countries....like Russia, etc. As many of you know, when we started the adoption paperwork, our original application was for the Ukraine. It was only once our application had been received that every single door was slammed in our face as we tried to proceed. We know now, that the Lord had called us to Jillian, and through an often confusing, and extremely long road, He brought us together. I am still in awe at what a perfect match we are for each other. She truly was meant to be in this family. But even through that amazing journey, that I wouldn't change for anything, my heart never left Romania. I always stare at the Romanian gymnasts during the Olympics and wonder what their life must be like. I'm sure most of you don't know...and probably don't care too much....but it's an unbelieveably hard, corrupt road in Romania. Full of poverty, and everything that comes along with it. All that to say, this last Sunday, we had a missionary from Romania come to our church. I truthfully didn't even know our church supported a missionary in Romania. His stories were awe inspiring! The Lord is doing such an amazing work through him in the rural lands of Romania. Sadly though, I learned that the conditions and plight of Romanian orphans is still just awful. In fact, just googling images of Romania brought up some of the most horrendous images I have seen recently in terms of orphanage conditions. I am literally sitting here distraught at the thought of what these children go through for their entire life. Very commonly, in Romania, as well as the Ukraine, when a child turns 18, they are no longer fit for state care. They are turned out to the streets and often become the worst of the worst...and you can only imagine what that would be. They have learned no skill, no trade, nothing to help them survive. So this missionary that came to our church builds group homes for these teenagers and teaches them skills that they can use to get a job. I've know for so long that my heart was in Romania for who knows what reason...but I want to go there. I so desperately would LOVE to do some mission work there. I truly feel like it's not even a want anymore, but a need. I know not everyone has a heart for the orphans....just like not everybody has a heart for the elderly, or a prison ministry. But if you are reading this, because maybe you started to follow our journey to get our precious daughter...please say a prayer tonight...not just for Romanian orphans, and Chinese orphans, but for all over. Even for the ones that live in the "bad part of town" here in the USA, and have to go to school just so they can eat because momma never comes home....and yes that really does happen...and it really happens here. I've seen it first hand. James 1:27 says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world".

Jillian has a mad face....

2008-10-03T12:56:00.000-05:00

And here it is.....

Answered Question...

2008-10-01T18:44:00.003-05:00

Not that this is anything profound or anything...but I thought I would write a little something that tickled me. Today, I went to my mailbox to find my monthly Southern Living magazine. I absolutely love Southern Living, and I love fall...and the holidays. Therefore, the October, November, and December issues of Southern Living are my favorites!!! Back to the story though...today, I got all snug in my chair to look through the issue and find all the goodies of fall that it has to offer, and saw immediately this HUGE section of "The Fair"....the Texas State Fair. And it was just as I imagined in my mind fairs should be like....nothing like ours attall. That's how southerners often say at all....pronounced atTall. Anyhoo.....I felt slightly validated in my wishings of something more...because now I know it's out there, and if I ever get the hankering....I can go and take the kids to a "real" fair. I do seriously doubt that will ever happen though.

On a drastically different note....my 10 year old started shaving her legs this week. It's time. I continue to look at her as if she is in 3rd grade, but she's not. She's in 5th, and will be at the middle school next week. We had been discussing when a good time for me to teach her would be, and we finally found a night that we were at home, and available. We went into the bathroom, got the water warm, and proceeded to "practice shave" with a razor with the lid on. She did fantastic, and really was ready to move forward all by her lonesome. She did the other leg totally by herself, without the lid on the razor, and only cut the back of her leg one tiny little cut. I told her I still even cut myself with tiny little cuts all the time. She did great. She left it alone yesterday, and then came home today, and immediately got in the bathtub to shave again. She literally told me this was a "dream come true!!". Now she only has 2 wishes left....an ipod and a cell phone. She's so crazy!!! She's always been so growny. Just acting SO grown up....and now she actually is growing up. Middle school...next year.....youth group...not rainbows. I really, really don't know if I'm ready for all this!! But she is....and has been for about 8 years now!! Yikes.

The fair.

2008-09-28T22:04:00.003-05:00

I wonder what "the fair" is like in other cities and towns. I always think of "county fairs"....where there are rolling hills in the background...and girls in red and white checkered dresses showing their prize hog. Maybe I get that from Charlotte's Web....or maybe it's that...I really do live in a fairy tale world in my mind. I can just imagine Aunt Bee showing her prize pickles just hoping desperately to get that blue ribbon. If any of you are Andy fans out there...you'll get that joke. Anyway, our fair is not really anything like that. It's in the parking lot of our civic center....and about every 5 minutes you get this whif of something that you just don't quite know what it is....but you would swear there was some kind of open sewer right at your feet. The rides are worked by people you really wouldn't trust to be around in general...and yet you are trusting them with your life as you hop on the ring of fire...to be turned upside down over and over again. The irony of the entire thing...is that regardless of how nasty it is...or how bad it smells....we HAVE to go every single year. We did take a year off when all the Katrina evacuees were up here and it was packed out, shoulder to shoulder. The kids LOVE it, they must get an elephant ear every year, and I really so very much enjoy a chicken on a stick. If you haven't had one...go find one....somewhere!! They also do happen to fit perfectly on this crazy no carb diet I'm on to drop those pesky 10 pounds. But I digress...this year....the oldest 3 kids really stepped their riding variety up a notch or two. They rode almost every single thing. The most heart stopping ride is the one that Chandler declared to be his favorite of all time. Madison did come off of one ride crying...and pretty hysterically at that....but she regained composure fairly quickly. And was off again to ride more breath taking rides. The funniest part of the entire night was when Chandler, Collin, and my nephew Tristin went through the haunted house. I was standing outside with my brother in law Jason, and Jillian. Jason had JUST said..."I think Chandler and Tristin are hiding at the back door trying to scare people". Not two minutes later, Collin comes running from around the back screaming hysterically with his hand over his mouth...."help me! help me!". And I don't mean he was just trotting out...he was running full force. I immediately thought Chandler and Tristin had met their first victim....and they got him good. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Collin had gotten spooked, tripped and fell, and somehow ended up hitting Tristin's elbow or something and knocked out a tooth. So after Collin comes running...Tristin and Chandler came running telling me this. Of course, I then felt HORRIBLE for laughing at Collin...but I promise if I had that on video...I'd be winning my family $10,000!!!! Collin did settle down...and realized it was a tooth that had been loose literally for months. Now he can finally get that tooth fairy money for it!!

Well, that's it for the Duffey day at the fair. It was a great day....with great friends!! And not just for my kids...my great friends were there too! I suppose with that kind of company, it doesn't really matter if it was in the middle of a parking lot with a sewer at my feet! LOL!

Stuff, stuff and more stuff.

2008-09-26T13:26:00.004-05:00

So for the last couple of days I've sat down to blog about several different things at several different times.....and I just can't seem to get it straight. I saw a great movie that made me do some thinking....which was good, but I couldn't figure out how to put in words what I was trying to say. Then one of my fellow adoption families asked us to come speak at an adoption seminar in Shreveport to give our adoption "testimony". That was great...we actually can't go do it, but it did get me thinking about how exciting it would be to do that. But truthfully, all I can seem to think about is the crazy state of our country. I literally have had to boycott the news because it stresses me out!! It also literally has put me in kind of a bad mood for the last several days....and so I try to distance myself from all the bad news. I think that I think if I turned off the tv, just go sit on the back porch with my coffee, that all will be good. Because of course, as a general rule it is good at my house. So I sat in my house this morning, doing a little painting, drinking my coffee, getting ready to head to work. Just a little background FYI, I ALWAYS stop at this one particular gas station to get a diet coke. They offer .50 refills in any size cup you want to bring in....and I LOVE that!! But when I stopped at that gas station today...after turning off the news....enjoying my coffee, yada yada yada....I saw a lady standing very suspiciously on the side of the gas station. I got a touch uncomfortable but still went inside to get my heavenly diet coke, and overheard the workers talking. Evidently, one worker had gone outside to find out what was up with her, and found out that she was eating out of the dumpster next to the gas station. So the worker immediately came inside to get a can of vienna sausages because she couldn't just let this woman continue to eat out of the dumpster. I just felt so sad. I do realize that in our great country, you have to make some really horrible decisions to get to the point where you are having to eat out of a dumpster. I do also realize that sometimes there are just some people with 'bad luck' out there, that often never have a chance...but I feel like that is definitely a minority. But regardless of how she got there, or what she did, she was still having to eat out of the dumpster. I know I need to get my head out of the sand and realize our society is what it is, and something really needs to change. I feel like the Lord is calling us to our knees, and reminding us that HE is in charge. That regardless of how this election turns out....He is still in charge. He has a plan. I take comfort in that...and I really wonder how those without the Lord go through the ups and downs of life....without that hope that only He can give. I encourage you to turn your burdens over to Him....easier said than done....and rest in His sovereign power....again, easier said than done...myself included. Maybe that should be another challenge for me this week....

Susannah is home!!

2008-09-24T08:16:00.004-05:00

I don't know if you remember the little girl I posted about a few days ago named Susannah. Well, that's her.....isn't she happy!!?? When the family arrived in China to get her, they found their baby girl deathly ill, (literally) in a filthy hospital with a dr. that wasn't really a dr. They had to fight for the care that she so desperately needed. And they prayed. After seeing how sick she was, they weren't really sure how she would do on the flight, if she even made it to the flight. Well, she got better, and made the flight just fine. She is finally on U.S. soil, and has a dr. appt. with a specialist to finally give her the care that she so desperately needs. Not only for her clept lip, but especially for her heart. If ever you wanted to see the Lord's work first hand....go read their blog. It's www.roomforatleastonemore.blogspot.com . I know one time when I posted the link, she had changed the settings to private, but she quickly reversed that. The Lord was, and is being glorified. If anybody out there knows anything about the red tape that China puts in place with the adoption, you will know that almost every single issue in this entire adoption process has been a miracle directly from the Lord. He is great, and greatly to be praised!!! Continue to pray for Susannah and her family....she will have LOTS of doctor appts, etc., and we all know that isn't easy for any child. Much less one that has had such awful experiences in such awful hospitals. But for today, we are rejoicing!!! I'm so excited to see what the Lord has planned for this family!!!!

My breakfast date.

2008-09-23T08:57:00.002-05:00

Since we have such a crazy life, sometimes we take turns going to eat breakfast with one child at a time. This morning, my breakfast date was Collin. Just trying to think of some good conversation for just the two of us to have, over donuts, I asked him if he still wanted to be a "preacher". He said he did, and I off handedly said "well, you just keep praying, and the Lord will guide you to whatever He wants you to do, and where He wants you to go". And his response also was very off handed...and he said, "Well, I'm sure God would like for us ALL to be preachers". Which led into a small conversation over he difference in just sharing the gospel, and being a preacher for a living. To which, my 7 year old son said, "I just don't understand, if I tell one person and they tell one person, and then they tell one person....then eventually everybody would know the gospel....so I think God would just like for us all to be preachers. " I had to then tell him that sometimes, even when people hear the gospel, they choose not to live for Jesus, so then someone else needs to come along and tell them again. And then I started thinking....how many people have I 'shared the gospel' with personally this week, this month, or this year? Do I feel like I'm living for the Lord....absolutely. I know my own faults, so please don't point them out in a comment....lol....but I do feel like I am "living for the Lord". I also try to glorify the Lord when I can. At work, I never hesistate to talk about the Lord with customers, or dealers, etc. But I am just talking about the Lord. I am not really sharing the gospel. Why is that so hard for me to do? I guess I chalk it up to "planting a seed", when actually the Lord may have already planted the seeds, and needs me to water, or fertilize....and I have not done so. If you've read my blog for any length of time whatsoever, you'll know I always go back to "what's it all about".....and I have just dropped the ball way, way too many times on that. So, I am challenging myself to step outside of my comfort zone....and do better. And all that....was because my 7 year old wants to be a preacher....and thinks we all should be to.

Pictures....in no particular order!

2008-09-20T22:45:00.004-05:00

So, after my computer has been in and out and in and out of repair places....which actually have made things worse....my hubby decided to get on here, and fiddle with it for hours. And low and behold...it's working. I really can't remember the last time I was so excited...mainly because of the amount of pictures I had on this computer...that I will now promptly be downloading to discs. So I thought I would post a few for those of you that don't live near us. You can see some recent snap shots of our crew. The only challenge I have though..is that I don't know why I still after all this time still have trouble getting my pictures in the order they are supposed to be in. Sometimes I can drag them, and other times I can't.... So, here are some recent pictures....in totally, random order!!

Jillian, with her once again, "show me your teeth" smile, and Madison. Jillian was trying So hard to keep the towel on her head like her big sister.

Being silly out at MaMaw and Papaw's house on Labor Day.

Pouting because I won't let her play in the rain.

4th of July....I just love this pic.

4th of July again.

Since I was doing some 4th of July pictures...I just had to add this one. Collin and his best friend Finley had just gotten in trouble. Collin was clearly over it by now...NOT....and this was the best smile I could get for awhile!

One of my dearest friends, Alisha....who is also Finley's mom.

And here is Chandler...looking all cool in Wal Mart parking lot....just before heading to a boy/girl birthday party/dance. Yuck. I didn't like it one bit....butI didn't last year at this time either.

Ahhh....Americana.

2008-09-18T20:01:00.003-05:00

I went to the Good Hope Middle School football game tonight with the kids. I have to admit, I really think I'm in denial that I have a child that's almost a teenager. I was looking around at all these little cheerleaders, and dancers....at my son's middle school...and very many of them were as big as me!! With more make up than I wear, etc, etc. I remember vividly being in 8th grade. And I never, ever remember looking like that in 8th grade. Geez!!! I will also have to admit, that I am slightly concerned about myself in 2 years. That will be the year that Chandler starts high school, Madison will be in middle school, Collin will be in elementary school, and Jillian will start Preschool. Yikes. 4 kids at 4 different schools. My mother is totally going to have to retire just to help me get my kids where they need to be. But I digress.... Football and Baseball are such beautiful examples of Americana to me. All of us moms....just hanging out in bleachers...with a nice crisp wind blowing...watching our kids do their thing. I love it!!!! And in the very same thought of how much I love it, I thought how amazingly fast the last 12 years have gone. I won't take you on another sentimental joyride that I so often like to travel on....but I will say, I truly can't believe Chandler is almost half way through his middle school years...(emphasis on the word ALMOST). And I can't believe we've almost had Jillian in our arms for an entire year. Amazing!! Time flies...it's almost fall again....and I LOVE fall. Last year, we left to go get Jillian on October 31st. Halloween Day. We came back November 16th to find Christmas lights up all through our neighborhood. We laughed at the thought that we were gone 2 1/2 weeks, and missed the entire fall season. Thanksgiving was early last year....and Christmas came super fast. So this year...I intend on savoring every single piece of fall. I think I may even buy some pumpkins next week.

On a drastically different note...continue to pray for the Irwins please. The Lord is working small miracles....just the fact that Susannah is hanging in there is a miracle in and of itself. Obviously more major miracles are needed...and I am believing they will come in His timing.

Urgent Prayer Request.

2008-09-16T23:33:00.002-05:00

I know there are at least a few prayer warriors that follow my blog. There is another urgent prayer request that I am presenting you with. Another yahoo group friend is in China right now trying to bring home there baby that had been previously diagnosed with a serious heart condition. They knew she was very ill, but never realized how serious she was right this minute. She is currently in a filthy, disgusting hospital...being treated by a doctor with no more than a high school education. They are trying to expedite paperwork so they can get her to a better hospital..but the Chinese government is fighting them tooth and nail. This is literally a life and death situation. If you'd like to follow their blog...it's www.roomforatleastonemore.blogspot.com . This family has waited so very long to finally be able to go get their precious Susannah. Unfortunately, the Olympics, etc., etc., has caused senseless delays in their process....especially since Susannah is in such a critical state. I want people to understand how differently Chinese people think of "special need" children. As a general rule...they are throw aways. I am sure, part of the lack of concern is because Susannah also has a cleft lip. I am disgusted, heartbroken, and so angry for the neglect that is happening to this child....that has a family desperate to take her home...and give her the care she needs. Please, please, please pray for the parents of this child that are having to deal with this first hand...about their daughter. I cannot even imagine what they are going through!!!

I also want you to understand...that my yahoo group is for parents adopting special needs children from my particular agency. As most of you know..Jillian was technically a "special needs" child. She was too small for her age. The technical name of her special need was "developmental delay". This could really encompass so very many things....but thankfully, for Jillian, it just meant she was too small. She has made so many strides since we've had her, but I do believe, she will be a smaller than average person. I don't personally consider that a special need. I consider heart valve issues, cleft lip, cleft palate, deformities of limbs, etc. special needs. Those are needs that medical attention is required...hence the term, special need. That all being said....my yahoo group is filled with the most amazing, selfless, Godly people I have ever seen in my life. Susannah's parents knew she was ill...they have arranged for oxygen on the flights, and have doctors ready to see her as soon as she stepped foot back in the USA. They were willing and wanting to do all this for a child, that they love as much as their biological children, and that is as much their child as any they had given birth to. Susannah's parents aren't the only ones either. I am so thankful to be such a part of such an amazing group. Please keep them in your prayers. All of them. And say a faith believing, miracle working prayer for Susannah! Thank you!

Update!

2008-09-12T18:29:00.003-05:00

Ok...just a quick potty training update...Jillian has had 1 accident in 2 days!!! I know, for any male out there, that is an awfully boring post...but I am so excited I can hardly stand it!! Not only for progress...but because diapers are SOOO expensive these days!! Woohoo!!

I hate politics.

2008-09-11T22:44:00.004-05:00

My heart has been so heavy today. Not only for all the events of September 11th, but for our country itself. I think all of the events have just reminded me how impactful hate can be regardless what you do. I have really had to earnestly pray in this area, because I know that I know the Lord is the only one who can fix our countries issues...and yet I know He has a perfect plan, regardless of what happens. We spent 2 1/2 weeks in China. What came on our TV was controlled...what was printed in the papers was controlled...what our guides were allowed to tell us was controlled. I do not believe our government is in anyway attempting to control what we see...but I do believe our media is. Just go to a check out line at the grocery store. I was stunned today at the headlines of the magazines glorifying Barack Obama, and slamming Sarah Palin. Now, obviously, I am a McCain/Palin supporter...but frankly, I don't even think it matters. For the most part, our media, the entertainment business, so many famous actors...all seem to be so extremely liberal....and in control of what the Average Joe sees. Journalism is a thing of the past...I really believe that. There is no fact stating...it's opinion stating. My mother was wondering who the real Sarah Palin is. Well, according to one channel...she's this, and the other, she's that. Because everybody wants to put a slant. Please give me (and us) just the facts, and let us make up our own mind. Do I think all liberals are awful evil people....of course not. My kids would have one grandparent in their life if I did. But do I think the liberal MEDIA is trouble right now....absolutely. Do you realize, if you didn't have a 24 hour news channel, how little you would know about the world around you. I honest to goodness need to cut off my cable so I can't see it. I would be SUCH a happier person if I didn't hear all the slamming of Palin for her solid Christian beliefs, and senseless bickering of both parties over ridiculous issues. I know for so many out there, the real issue is not what mine is. My real issue is my children's eternal life....and the quality of life they will have her on earth. I'm afraid the Hollywood elite is jeaopardizing both of those items in my children's life. As most of you know, I have 4 children...that I am praying for every single day. I'm praying that they will stand strong to Christian values when they are bombarded with homosexuality issues in middle school. I am praying that my daughter's (and sons) will stand strong when promise rings are being ridiculed by their pop idols. I am praying that they stand strong, and stand with the love of Jesus Christ, and not the poison of hate that is being spewed against Christians, and their rights, and values. The Lord is going to have to come in and not only heal this generation coming up and what they are being bombarded with...but our country as a whole.

Show Me Your Teeth!!!

2008-09-11T00:15:00.004-05:00

Well, as pitiful as this is...I am adding pictures that my dear sweet worker...Ashley...added to her facebook. I then, downloaded them to my computer, and now to my blog. The challenge is...she posted the silly pics. Right now, when you ask Jillian to smile...you literally have to tell her, "show me your teeth". That's how you get her to smile. And for a little while, it worked beautifully, but now, she's just gone a little nutso with it. Of course, I'm sure it's because she would get great laughs for it, therefore, it just has to get bigger and better each time!! LOL!! So, here are several great pictures of Jillian's teeth.

This last picture is of Collin and Philip...Ashley's boyfriend. My kid's have absolutely fallen in love with him. He loves to play with them...and as you can see...he and Collin think very much alike! lol!!

Potty Training

2008-09-09T23:08:00.003-05:00

This is not a picture of one of my kids. I do have one equally as precious of Madison wearing her pj's and barney slippers, reading a book, sitting on the potty. However, those were the days before digital photography, and since I still have no scanner....I have no way to post them. But regardless of who is in the picture...it is a classic potty training pic. The stance...the distraction...the proper placement on the seat, careful not to lose balance. So complicated!! Or not. We are potty training Jillian. We are generally having great success with this. Although, I have to remind myself that last time I potty trained a child...I just had kids. I didn't own a store, and have bigger kids that had to get to more important events as opposed to just a play date. So I humble myself to you, and tell you my patience is just not what it used to be. Same age, same issue, different place in life for mom. And different child. I know all kids have a mind of their own, but Jillian takes that to a whole notha level!! She can be as stubborn as .....well....her momma. As a general rule, I am proud to say, I win. Ever so often, I realize there is just no point in making such a big issue of something so small, and I let it slide. But for the big issues...I will win. All that being said...I am convinced Jillian knows full and well when she needs to potty. But she may not want to stop what she's doing long enough to go. She will sometimes even casually come get a diaper out of the cabinet, lay it on the floor, and try as hard as she can to diaper herself. Saying poo-poo all the way. Ummm, clearly, if she's capable of diapering herself, then she's capable to sit on the potty and poo poo where mommy doesn't have to touch anything. And I think we are working through those challeneges as well. It's so funny to me how just a few short years change your life. When I was potty training my 3rd...we just stayed home. And he could run around naked, and rush to the potty, etc. I can't exactly let Jillian run around naked. Although she would really like to! lol!! But, even though we are having to do it differently than before....I think it's going to work just fine. I'm very impressed with how smart she really is. So, run down for day 1, 2, and 3 of full potty training....is thumbs up. A few accidents, and a few stubborn accidents. But this too shall pass...and our budget will be so thankful for for the lack of diapers and wipes that have to be bought with our budget!! Joy! Joy! Joy! Now, if I can just get her to learn to swim...we'll be good.

A Century of Living

2008-09-08T22:04:00.002-05:00

I have for some time wanted to go into nursing homes, and interview some people that have lived their lives. I've wanted to know what their regrets were. I so desperately want to learn from them. I remember when I was wanting to get pregnant with Collin, I would think of how hard that newborn stage was. And how I wasn't just really sure I wanted to go through that all over again. Then in the back of my mind, I would remember how fast that stage went. One day, you give birth, and the next day.... they start kindergarten. I did NOT want to get to the age of 45 and wish that I had more children. And then a few older people told me how they really wished they had had 1 more child. That it just seemed so hard in the midst of raising young children, but then, how truly fast time goes....and then they are gone and out of the house. So it became official...I wanted that 3rd child. Ok, just for fairness sake..then I wanted that 4th child...but ONLY if I could adopt. But that's beside the point. The whole round about thought process of all that is this: I saw a movie this morning called "A Century of Living". It was an unbelieveably fascinating, moving, and eye opening experience to watch. Times have changed so much over the last 150 years...and I just can't say it's all been for the better. Obviously, some conveniences we couldn't live without. But these people spoke differently, lived differently, loved differently, and worked differently than we do. They had baking days, and washing days, and shopping days. To wash was an all day experience. I think most of us know that already about pioneer days, but to see actual interviews with people who lived it, was so great for me. By no means am I saying I want to go back to those days, but I do so desperately wish some of those values would come back. The loyalty to family, to country, and to God were clear in every single one of those interviews. Women stayed home with the kids, and the husband worked. And took pride in the fact that his wife didn't have to work. Why is it so different now?? It seems that most men now, totally expect their wives to work...and our society puts women down that want to "just stay home". I think that's what I see in those Andy Griffith episodes. Modern day living...with those same values. Why can't we have it all now? What possibly can we do to get back there? Or is it even possible?

I know this post has nothing to do with my journey with jillian...or anything about my family. But I think it is an important thing to remember how far we've come. I lose sight of the great many blessings we have been given. None of us have had to live through the great depression, or the dust bowl. Most of us won't have children that die of a cold because there was no doctor in our town, and it turned to pneumonia. Most of us, (ok I can pretty much say all here) won't have to jump train cars to get a ride somewhere, and steal 3 rolls to tide us over for the day. It's just crazy what these people went through. A couple of them weren't able to have children, and talked about the grief they experienced from that. But then went on to talk about how life will deal you some blows, and you move on....because that's life. So inspiring! I was absolutely glued to this movie....and I'm trying to figure out where to buy it. I want to watch it again, and I want my children to watch it....and maybe we can all learn something from it.

Another delay for me....

2008-09-04T19:12:00.003-05:00

Sorry for such a delay. If you've read Anna's blog....you have seen that a week ago today she went to be with the Lord. I just really can't imagine what that family is going through. Continue to pray for them....when all the family has gone back home, their older daughter is back at school, and the mom is at home by herself, I'm sure the quiet will get to her. The Lord alone will have to see her through this unbelieveably difficult time.

Since my post last week, we have certainly had an adventure. We headed down to see the opening game for LSU. It was so stinkin hot we couldn't stay past half time. We thought since the game had been moved up to 10 am it would help...but it only re positioned the sun to be square in our faces. We did have a great time with the couple we went with, so it wasn't all lost by any means. We headed out on Saturday afternoon only to be faced with bumper to bumper to bumper traffic of people trying to evacuate due to Gustav. We really thought we had planned for plenty of time, and were a little surprised to get stuck...but it didn't last long at all..thankfully. We did stop at one gas station to fill up the tank, only to be told they were out of gas. Scary thought. We did make it home safe and sound and were so thankful we went. On Labor Day, Gustav came ashore, and crushed my Dad's house. We had known it was going to be worse than Katrina for them in Baton Rouge, but we really never imagined it would be as bad as it was. Daddy said it looks very much like where Katrina hit in New Orleans in spots in Baton Rouge....if that makes any sense. By the time Gustav got here, the wind wasn't too bad, but it drenched us. My store flooded Tuesday and Wednesday. Thankfully, my floors are concrete and most of my merchandise is on racks...so we just had to get some shop vacs in there. My kids school has been cancelled all week...so that has been interesting. They think since they are on a surprise "vacation", then we should be doing something fun every single day. HUH??!! So, we are trying to take advantage of a more leisurely schedule, as we prepare for them to be off again next week.

That is the run down for us. We are enjoying an evening at home tonight with just Chandler. The little one's are all at friend's, and my friend asked for Jillian for the evening. And of course, I would never, ever want to hurt my friend's feelings....lol!! Hope all is well out there for everyone! Blessings!

Devestation.

2008-08-27T22:18:00.002-05:00

There is a little girl in one of our China adoption yahoo groups, that just about a few hours ago, was pulled off of life support. The family brought her home in June. They knew she had a heart defect. They were getting it fixed. There were some challenges with a cath, and it evidently ripped a vein. She has not regained her consciousness since. I read those prayer request emails come through, and last night it hit me like a mack truck. What could this family be going through?? What emotions are they feeling right now?? I am physically nauseated right now. I know the Lord can TOTALLY work miracles...we've seen it time and time again...and recently. I'm asking you to pray for total healing for Anna. I don't know them. I've only read emails they've sent along the way. If you'd like to see a picture of her, you can follow this link... http://prayingforanna.blogspot.com/ . I know sometimes I get so many prayer requests, that it just helps when I have a face to put with the name. I am praying we'll be able to see the Lord's hand at work one more time. His name will be glorified....regardless of the outcome.

Still going good.

2008-08-22T20:05:00.003-05:00

I promise as soon as my computer is up and going, I will download some updated pictures, but hubby's computer doesn't have the compatible software for me to do it. For now, you'll have to just bear with my ramblings. School is still going amazingly well. Madison has been in tutoring since about mid July to prepare her for her last year in elementary school. I just decided it was an absolute necessity before she steps foot into that middle school next year. I have such high expectations because of it, and I can really tell a difference in Madison's enthusiasm about school. Last year, and the year before really, she was finding every excuse to not go to school. Now, on a Friday night, she's looking forward to her tutoring tomorrow. I am assuming she is figuring out that she can actually figure out problems, and she kind of likes it. At least, I hope that's what it is.

Just to give you a little background about our situations generally with Chandler.....in our town there are pretty much 3 groups of kids....the preps/jocks...the nerds...or the emo's. It's so awful, that at 11 years old, these kids group themselves...and exclude others that aren't just right. FYI, emo's are generally kids who are "in touch with their emotions"...and usually dress in dark, tight clothes, and are depressed. It may not be like that everywhere, but that's how it is here. There are almost no just regular kids. This has definitely been a struggle for Chandler. He's neither a nerd, jock, or emo. He's just a normal kid. He's had his church friends....Chase and Ethan mainly, but not many kids at school. He's had a few that there were potential for, but none really just clicked. This one friend that he now has in 6 classes is one of the few normal friends he has. And finally, after 8 years of school together, they have clicked! So far, they have spent several afternoons together, and he's actually staying over there tonight. I could not be more excited for him!!! I am a firm believer that if these kids at this age can find that one friend, or group of friends to get through these akward years together, it will help them stay out of trouble. Of course, if they are the right kid.

Collin is still doing great! He's got several boys in his class that he really likes, so time will tell who his close friend becomes. His best friend still lives about 30 minutes away, which really bums him out, but they see each other every weekend at church.

I think last post I said that Jillian didn't miss the kids too much....well I was right when I said we were too busy. The next day, she walked around the house from room to room calling out for Chandler. It was pitiful. So, when Maddie and Collin get off the bus...she literally runs to go meet them. It is so sweet. I'm going to try to film it this week before it becomes too routine.

Well, I'm off to clean the kitchen for now. I hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Back to the land of the living.

2008-08-19T22:00:00.002-05:00

Well, back to school season, for the most part is over. It's really quite a roller coaster of emotions in this business. I'm sure it's like most retailers Christmas, except for we only have about a month or so to celebrate. It's been an exhausting couple of weeks, but we made it through, and we have all survived. I had so many concerns about Jillian up at the store, etc., but it all worked out. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite as crazy as I would have liked it to have been, but I expected it to be a tad slower. I'm hoping we still have a couple of 'last hoorah's' before the month ends, but I think we are in fair shape even if we don't.

The kids all started school today. I think they were all pretty excited about it. They all like their teacher's and schedules. Chandler has 6 classes with one of his closest friends, so I couldn't ask for anything more with him!! Madison has one of her close friends in her class...a little girl from a wonderful Godly family. I have been praying so earnestly for her to develop Godly friends, and I think He is answering that prayer. And Collin is just so easy to please for the most part....he's almost always happy. He did come home talking about a new little boy who he really thought could be his friend....so that was good. It seemed as if he was reaching out to "the new kid". I am praying that they all have a great year with their education, but also with their friends. Chandler is in 7th grade now, and peer pressure is just unbelieveable at 12. I have been praying for a hedge of protection around Chandler's mind. For the Lord to somehow, someway, continue to help Chandler make wise decisions. If you don't have a child in middle school, it's truly unbelieveable the choices children this age are making. Disgusting really. Heartbreaking. So far, I have no warning signs to make me nervous...we are still in the fairy tale stage I suppose. I'm looking and watching though. I refuse to be a parent who ignores warning signs.

Jillian didn't seem to miss them too much. We were too busy really. She had speech therapy, which by the way, isn't going as well as I would have liked. I think we may up it to twice a week. I'm just not impressed whatsoever with her speech progress. We are seeing progress in other areas, like her eating. She is totally off baby food, and doesn't spit out her real food when she gets tired of chewing it. You just can't imagine what a blessing that is!! Or maybe you can.... Nevertheless, her speech just isn't improving like I feel like it should. Our therapist made a few notes about my concerns, and we'll reevaluate in a couple of weeks or so.

And then there is the Olympics. It's absolutely fascinating to be watching the Olympics and know we have been there. We drove past the bird's nest several times. We saw the water cube. We walked on the Great Wall. It's so surreal. I was blessed to also be able to travel to Barcelona in 1992, and visit the Olympic village then as well. I don't remember watching the 1992 Olympics near like I have this one. Maybe I was too busy in school, trying to graduate. Hubby was graduating, and I was about to, and it was a crazy time....but it is interesting to me that I, who have not traveled the world over, have been able to see 2 places of the Olympics during the time of those Olympics. Just kind of neat to me.

So there is a mish mash of my life these days. We're all good. We're all tired. But we are definitely all good.

Back To School....Again.

2008-08-10T03:38:00.004-05:00

It's back to school time. I've not been able to sell my store yet, so I'm in the chaos of it again. I know I should be thrilled...this is the one time of year I make money. If I keep my store, that is one thing I have just got to change. I have got to figure out what to bring in for the rest of the year. But that's another worry for another day. I unfortunately have plenty of worries for now. This year our teacher's spending money has been cut in half. So, I scaled back on my orders, and now I'm running painfully low on a couple of things. I've had some shipments that have been delayed, etc., etc. The kicker is, that when I bought this store, everyone told me it had a reputation of never being stocked...and I vowed never to let that happen. And I have. Not on all areas....but a couple crucial ones. I know to people out there who are not teacher's or store owners, this is sounding silly, but when a teacher comes in for her yellow border, and it's sold out....it's trouble. She has to rethink her entire bulletin board, etc. etc. Or start class without any border at all...which isn't good either. So, I am praying...and if you find it in you, please pray with me that I get some of my shipments early. Several are coming Tuesday, and it would be OH so lovely if they came Monday. I'm really trusting the Lord on this one. I've actively been trying to get a job, and I've gotten no leads to anything...so it is appearing that it His will for me not to sell this store at this time, no matter how desperately my flesh wants to make it happen. Everytime I go to sleep these days I dream about nobody coming in the store, or going in and all of our light bulbs simultaneously go out....I've actually had that one several times. I'm sure it's symbolic of something. Maybe not. On a positive note though, my paintings have been selling like crazy. I'm making up a little bit of the lost money on my paintings...which is a good thing. I actually had 2 customers come into the store the other day just to buy them. So, anyway, I'll update on Monday if any shipments arrive. I know I've got one small one coming with all my frog stuff...and some money stuff. But it's the bigger ones that start coming on Tuesday....I mean Monday! Speak it, right??!! Please pray for us...we're just stressed.

What's it all about?

2008-07-31T23:26:00.002-05:00

If you have been reading my blog for any length of time, you will know that I seem to ALWAYS go back to the basics. What is life really all about?? During Chase's hospital stay, that's all I focused on. Then the Lord miraculously saved his life, and has brought him through a full recovery, and I've moved on to needing a job. And while I do still need a job, I am thankful that one by one my family is realizing what it's all about. Both of my older children have had some very intimate times with the Lord. Collin has said for a year that he wanted to be baptized, but we really didn't think he knew what he was talking about, so like the awful parents we are, we just kept postponing it. Well, at VBS this year, he went forward...again.... to give his heart to the Lord, and absolutely insisted on being baptized. I obviously had known he had done this, but it wasn't until I was looking through pictures on hubby's computer that I came across this one. It's Collin with one of the most amazing women at our church, going through the sinner's prayer....again. I love it. I absolutely cherish this picture. Since then, he has gone to church camp, where both he and Maddie really had a touch from the Lord. Maddie even came back declaring that she "felt like the Lord had called her also to help with orphans". She asked me if I would help her when she got older figure out how to have some sort of Christian home that would be a safe place for children that didn't have families. Of course, I am well aware of our social system, etc....but I also know that the Lord would not put on a child's heart something that is impossible! My heart is full...and I am loving how often the Lord reminds me of what it's really all about!!!

Oh no.

2008-07-30T00:15:00.002-05:00

Jillian came to me tonight saying something repeatedly, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what it was. So she finally tugged my shirt, and said "mone, mone"...which is come on. So I went into the living room to see her smiling, and pointing at the tv . She then repeated the mystery word again, and again. I finally realized she was saying spongebob...and spongebob was really on tv. She knew who he was, and proceeded to start singing the opening song. Well, at least the tune of it. How could this happen?? I really can't stand spongebob. So....we now have 2 tv's for sale. Please call for a price. Just kidding....but cable may really have to go!

Sentimental moments.

2008-07-28T22:58:00.004-05:00

I have to warn you before you even start reading this....this post is extremely random, and all over the place. If you've never visited my blog before now...skip it. Go straight to the older ones. And enjoy them....

But for today, I'm random. There has been a recent batch of Travel Approvals received at my adoption agency today. I remember that day so very clear! Trying to work out flights, etc., while I was at work by myself, and hubby was in a very important meeting at his job. So, I called my mom, and then called my Family Coordinator, and got it all worked out. Those were the days I realized we were going to be going to China a day early, and staying a day late. And those were the days panic just overcame me. So, being in the sentimental mood that I've been in....I decided it would be a great idea to begin printing out all the old emails that I received and sent either prior to our China trip, or during our China trip. And then...shocker of all shockers coming.... I find myself getting so nostalgic!!! It was a time in my life that I was so terrified, but at the same time, I truly never felt so close to the Lord. I'm not going to go into the entire 'if you feel called, please adopt' saga again....but really....if you feel called to adopt, please do it. My life is so crazy, and exhausting, and it's not perfect in any way shape or form...but it has been blessed with the joy and miracle of adoption. I've lived it, and I am still in awe. I look at other people's blogs and find myself almost getting jealous...and then I realize...WAIT...I did that too!!! I know...I'm truly crazy. I guess for me...the entire experience was just that powerful. So inspiring that it seems surreal. Does that make sense to anybody else but me??

I also find myself wishing I could go back to China someday. (I really need to go back and read those posts from about September don't I??) I know...it'll pass..but for now, I really, really want to take my kids back. I asked them today just randomly when they wanted to go to China...and they yelled out...TODAY!!! I laughed. Possibly it's from all the hullaballoo about the Olympics..but I just get excited when I think to myself..."Oh my word...I have been to China!!!! Wow!!!"

I can only imagine how world travelers must feel. I do want to go to London one day. My brother and sister in law love it there....and my step sister actually lives there. And loves it. My dad has been a couple of times, and it just seems wonderful. I also want to go to Rome. And see the ruins. History fascinates me. To see places that have stood for hundreds and hundreds of years is simply amazing!!! So, my question of the day would be...(if I had a question of the day)...where would you want to go? I have 2 very close friends who want to desperately go to Australia. I have no desire at all to go there. I really don't know why...but I don't. London would probably be my first place. Russia may be second. Not to jump too far back on the adoption boat...but those eastern European countries really do still tug at my heart. Maybe one or more of my kids will be able to adopt from there, if the entire IA systems don't collapse.

I know this post is all over the place. It's a good showing of where my mind is too. I'm jumping from job searching, to back to school season, to following people's China trips, to speech therapy, tutoring, and orthodontist appts., etc., etc. I'll let you go for now. Maybe I'll get a chance to post again soon....and maybe it will make more sense. No guarantees though.

We are alive...I promise.

2008-07-19T13:23:00.002-05:00

I'm so sorry I haven't posted at all lately. With so many computer problems...we figured we should take my computer in to the shop to figure out what was going on. We then brought my hubby's computer home, and it wouldn't work either. So we had comcast come out. They replaced the modem which promptly quit the next day. Long story short..I've been without a computer for the most part for weeks now. And then when I do borrow one...or get on hubby's at work..I have to do the important stuff....like apply for jobs, etc. Yes...I did say apply for jobs. We have come to the conclusion that it just isn't going to work anymore without me having a stable income. Life is just so stinkin' expensive....and it's just going to get worse with teenagers. So, the resume is done...and I'm applying for every pharmaceutical rep position there is...along with the other 500,000 people that want to work in that field. Hubby does still have some contacts from his 7 years of repping, so he's going to get on the phone next week and see what he can come up with. In the mean time...if any of you out there that still read this have any contacts...they would be greatly appreciated. I need a company car. I need good insurance, and I need a good paycheck. Has anybody priced braces lately?? They are outrageously expensive, and since they are now in Chandler's mouth...I have to come up with a way to pay for them!! LOL!!

Jillian is doing wonderful. She is really, really getting cute. We were talking the other day about how we are going to have to stay focused on discipline, because she totally has the potential to wrap us around her little finger...and quickly. She is talking more and more. She told me this morning....." un, ot dow". Quick translation...Want hot dog. I was so excited! 3 words!!!! And she knew exactly what she wanted, and was dancing around the refrigerator to tell me! So cute!!!! Speech therapy is going great! She's still loving her brothers and sister. Life is grand!

the Beach

2008-06-29T19:32:00.005-05:00

I had a blast at the beach. I truly have some of the best friends in the entire world...and the best church family ever. I have never seen so many ladies work so hard, to make other ladies happy. Service. They truly have a heart for service. What a blessing!! I will post a few more details later, but for now, here are some pictures of our craziness.

Tracy and me.
Mandie and me....cutting up on the bus home.
Me and Tracy making funny faces.
View from our 11th floor balcony. I would have been panicking if my kiddos
were with me.
Another balcony view.
Tracy, Angie, and me.
Rhonda Brown, who put on the whole event, and me.
Angie and me at our final group function. So much fun!!

Heading to the Beach.

2008-06-23T23:37:00.002-05:00

At about 3:45 am on Wednesday, I am with great reluctance heading to the beach with the ladies of my church. I know we are going to have a ball. I know it's going to be so much fun....but I honestly don't know the last time I left my husband, kids, and place of business just for a few days of fun. I totally don't think there is anything wrong with anybody that does do that on a regular basis, I just don't seem to. It gives me anxiety. I guess a selfish feeling. As if I'm saying..."hey ya'll....figure it all out on your own for a few days...I'm heading to the beach!". I don't really like to feel like that. Some of my very best friends are going, (but some aren't), so I know we will have tons to laugh about for a long time to come. But if you think about....say a prayer for all the chaos I'm leaving behind. I really want it to go so well that I might even be able to go back again next year.

A Few New Favorite Pics...

2008-06-18T23:46:00.006-05:00

My Maddie Lee. Isn't she beautiful?
Jillian playing with her birthday cake.
Collin getting frustrated that our food is taking so long to get to us. He actually said, "Let's leave. I'm starving! I'm leaving...I'm going to China."....whatever that means. LOL!!
I dearly love this picture!! And this face says it all!!

Now, I feel a little guilty not posting any new pictures of Chandler, but I don't have any great ones. He's in that, 'I'm too cool for the camera, so when I do have to take a picture, I'm not going to cooperate very much' stage. Oh, and the fact that he has new braces doesn't help either. Although, I do have one of he and my nephew Cole...

Chandler's on the right...and he was trying to cooperate here, so there he is. He really is such a great kid. We are so very blessed!!
Update on my pic here...since I can't sleep...shocker...I decided to get on picnik and see if I could manipulate this picture to be a really good picture of Chandler. And I think it worked. A great close up of him that he is so not wanting me to get right now. I love it!!!

Peach Tea.

2008-06-18T22:23:00.004-05:00

I love peach tea. I mean, I really, really love peach tea. Crystal light has one that truly is delicious, and is a good runner up to the peach tea from Sonic....which is delicious also. The odd thing about my addiction to peach tea....is that I like to drink it out of Mason jars. How weird is that?? I think of drinking my tea, and it takes me back, (again) to Mayberry. As most of you know by now, I also really, really love Andy Griffith. And I guess it's not just the peach tea, but the whole frame of mind that it puts me in. Does anyone else have a mind that chases rabbits?? My trail goes kind of like this...I think of peach tea, peach icees, summer, fresh vegetables like tomatoes, squash, and cucumbers, then I think of country living, sitting out on the porch, watching the kids play, and drinking my peach tea. Makes perfect sense doesn't it?? One of my dearest friends' family is mostly from 'the country'. And every single Saturday, the entire family goes out to the Grandmother's house for lunch. The grandmother cooks for everybody.....and it usually is something like...deer steak, or chicken and dumplings, with garden vegetables cooked to perfection. My husband and I have always thought how wonderful that tradition is, and how much we wish we had it in our family. And then we have our fleeting thoughts of moving out to 'the country'. And then we remember gas is $4.00 a gallon, and we have 4 kids, 3 of which are in various activities. Bummer. So, for now, I'm going to sit here in my office, in mostly the dark, while my hubby and babies sleep, drinking my peach tea out of a mason jar....and it feels so very nice.

Comments...please.

2008-06-17T15:52:00.004-05:00

I have a little thing that tells me some of the cities that visit my blog daily. I know there are some of you that visit at least once or twice a week. I so wish you would leave me a comment. I don't really know why. I am always curious who reads my blog, and why. I read others that are intriguing. I love reading the ones of people who kind of tell it like it is. It makes me feel like we are all in this non fairy tale, fairy tale together. Does that make sense at all?? I know I am usually a way too honest person, but that is who I am. I'm not fake, or 'plastic' as a friend once called some people that were only for show. I am who I am, faults and all. As a general rule, I have a great life, but I'm not afraid, (or ashamed) to say when it's stressful, or imperfect. Honestly, to get off on another soapbox, I really think if more people were honest about their life, more and more people would be happy. I know so many people that are living lives that are WAY beyond their means. They don't know how they are going to afford this or that, but they are so concerned what other people are going to think about them if they don't have just the right clothes, or cars. Why? Let's all be ourselves, and let the chips fall as they may. That's just what I'm thinking anyway!

Pictures....cause that's really why your here...right??!!

2008-06-15T08:55:00.002-05:00

One day after vacation bible school, she went home with a friend to play. Brayden, Jillian, and Thomas Wade were all born within a month of each other. Madison always insists that Jillian and Thomas Wade are "dating"...which tickles me. In fact, since we only did a family birthday, Madison was so upset because Jillian's "boyfriend" wouldn't be there for her first birthday party!

So much, yet so little.

2008-06-13T10:36:00.002-05:00

There has been so much craziness going on around here, but almost nothing profound to tell about. We had Jillian and Madison a little birthday party which was so very nice. They both loved opening the presents, and having family over. We grilled burgers, and hot dogs, and enjoyed the afternoon. In the next week or two, we'll have Madison her own party with her own friends. Maybe a trip to the movies, or a sleepover. Nothing too major....again.

Our church is having VBS this week...so the kids are heading to that every morning. It's been a good break for them. Unfortunately, we have very little planned for the rest of the summer...other than church camp. I've got to get on the ball and get some plans going. We regularly say we are going to take a quick trip up to Hot Springs, and take the kids to Magic Springs, and Crystal Falls, but we just never seem to do it. Now with gas at $4.00 a gallon, we have to really think about everywhere we go and do.

We did learn that Jillian is allergic to ants. She stepped in an ant bed on Wednesday night while we were all out in the front yard. I immediately picked up her up and dusted them off of her. At first, I didn't even see a bite, but then she quickly started breaking out all over. Then her lips started swelling. My nephew is allergic to ants, so instantly I put 2 and 2 together and ran her up to the after hours clinic. By the time she got a shot, she had clawed herself to the point of bleeding, and I was not a happy mama for having to wait as long as they made me. Of course, my logic was at the emergency room, she would have had to wait much longer. So, we are now in the process of killing every ant that comes anywhere near our house!!! Living in the south, and Louisiana doesn't make that very easy....but so it goes.

So that's really about it. Hopefully something wonderful and fantastic and amazing will happen real soon that I can tell you all about!! But for now...that's it! Sorry!!

Loving the New Look!!!

2008-06-12T17:04:00.001-05:00

My friend and travel to China buddy Carla, fixed up my blog. There is a little link to her blog of creations on the side of my blog. If you have a blog, and want a makeover....contact her. She's the best!!!

No Title for Today.

2008-06-08T21:39:00.005-05:00

We’ve had serious computer problems as of late. Some months back we had a virus attack our computer, and now we are having internet problems. I'm not sure what's going on, we even had somebody come out yesterday to no avail. Hopefully, we'll have this problem fixed soon, and I can get back to my therapy...I mean blogging.

Today, I need to post something that isn't too pleasant for me to address. I don't really want to, but I just have to get it out there. So here goes....I think it’s been clear, whether on this blog, or to my friends that see me on a daily basis, that this has been a very stressful season in my life. It’s not just one area of my life that is being tested, but several. I don't want to go into all the boring, real life issues here, but it's just one of those times in my life that I know will pass, yet we have to make it through the hard times to get on the other side. We all have times like that, and the Lord will guide us through, and we can look back and share our testimony when it's done. However, I have had a couple of people lately inform me, and couple of others (thank God it's only been a couple) that have been informed…that they feel like the stress of Jillian is just too much for me. Someone even had said that Jillian might actually have been a ‘bad decision’. I cannot even put into words how devestated this has made me. I want to make this perfectly clear……Jillian is my daily reminder that the Lord has not left us. I hold her and pray, and remember what the Lord has done in my life, and hers. She is 2 now, which isn’t always a bed of roses….but she certainly is not more than I can handle. Literally, some days I look at her, and think the Lord put her in my life right now so I would be aware of His presence. How anyone could characterize her as a ‘bad decision’ is truly devastating to me.

I want to caution people to not make judgments, or statements that are not founded by fact. I learned during the entire Chase saga, that people are going to talk. And unfortunately what I found was that for some strange reason, people want to repeat, or think the worst case scenario. My children heard so many totally insane rumors at their school, not just from the children, but the teachers, about Chase. And now here I am. Some people know I’m stressed….and for some reason, they have to blame someone. So, clearly it must be Jillian. And for the life of me I can't figure out why. I always expected the comments about her being a different race…but these have hurt me to the core. The reality of my stress is....I own a retail store. I personally, with no help, am in charge of it. I do the hiring, the firing, the ordering, the inventory, the taxes, etc. I have 4 children, included a 12 year old and a 2 year old, and the 2 in between. My husband is in ministry, which brings its own stresses into the situation. Why would anyone decide my stress is my Jillian's fault? It's just simply not the case. Period.

Random thoughts and Random pictures...in Random order.

2008-06-03T21:40:00.008-05:00

Maddie and Jillian eating burgers on the back patio. It was a wonderful evening tonight!!!
Her happy moment in the heat of the ballpark last night.
Watching Chandler's last ballgame.

Random thought #1: I thought for all of you who were interested in Chase's status...I would give you an update. He is doing miraculously well. Everyone that has been a part of his story has been touched beyond measure. The doctors that have been involved in his recovery literally cannot believe what they have seen. When he walks in for his various check ups...they take a double take. Nobody can believe it's him. So, things are doing exceptionally well. Thank you all for those who have prayed, and continue to pray. His sight in his bad eye is still very poor, but we are all still believing that will come back too. In the Lord's time.

Random thought #2: Tuesdays Jillian has speech therapy. She absolutely LOVES her speech therapist. In fact, when Mrs. Megan gets here, Jillian gets so giggly, and runs to the spot where they normally sit and spend their hour. At first, most people I mentioned speech therapy to thought I was crazy, but I am so very thankful I went ahead and did it. Jillian is picking up so well now. If nothing else, Jillian is attempting to repeat every single thing the other children say. Of course, I have to regularly tell the other kiddos that Jillian is not a circus act, and it's not wise to CONSTANTLY ask her to repeat words or sentences. I will have to admit though, it is fun to say..."Jillian, say I love you!"....and then to hear her say I love you to the best of her ability. It really is precious!

Random thought #3: Baseball is over...and I am so glad. Man it gets HOT in Louisiana in June. Last night, with both boys having back to back games....we were ready to be done. I almost did a little dance when we lost. Ok, not really, but it's been a long season, and it's time for those boys to have a rest. Right? Sure, that's what I'm saying anyway.

Random thought #4: Chandler got braces yesterday. He looks so incredibly different. And so old. I know so many kids are getting braces at much younger ages now, but Chandler is 12, and officially looks it. Truthfully, I'm not sure I like it. My comfort when he started middle school was that 6th graders were kept seperate from the 7th and 8th graders. Well, now he'll be kept seperate from the 6th graders because he is one of those dreaded 7th graders. Geez...how did I get so old???

My Random thought #5 is that I'm working on some pics from yesterday and today...and hopefully I'll post them a bit later....so you'll have to come back to check them out. Update...ok clearly, I got the pictures posted...but they posted at the top. Weird. I can't anything on this computer to work right tonight...so I'm going to quit trying to move them down to the bottom.

Happy Birthday to my sweet Jillian.

2008-06-02T23:33:00.007-05:00

Today, June 2nd is Jillian's birthday. She is officially 2 years old. I thought I would be so excited on this day. I had been thinking about what kind of party we were going to have, etc. for so long now. But truth be told...over the last couple of days...I have felt very odd with the anticipation of her day coming up. Not terrible...but certainly not excited. When yesterday evening came, I realized that it was already June 2nd in China. For some reason, the difference in days was trying to play tricks on me. When actually should we celebrate her birthday, etc? Clearly, the answer is on June 2nd...America time. But I just haven't been thinking too clearly about it I guess. I then began to think of her birth mother. Does she even know that today was her daughter's birthday? Has she had more children hoping for that baby boy? I thought about her so much, that I physically ached. Does she care...or is she in a constant depression wondering about her child that she abandoned on the side of a road? And then, very quickly, birthday parties with balloons and cake became very much of a non issue. We are going to put together a family party next weekend, and we will have cake, and presents, and balloons. But the celebratory nature of this first birthday with my precious child was lost for today. I hope it was just this year. Certainly as the years go on, she will be excited, and we will follow her lead. But the harsh reality of China adoption came back to me today. Way too many children there are being abandoned. Truthfully, I can't even tell you all how many people do not believe me when I tell them Jillian was found on the side of the road. I have to explain to them that she is absolutely not an exception. It's everywhere. And way too many of those abandoned babies are living their lives in orphanages. I am so thankful Jillian is not one of them. She has so much personality, I cannot even imagine her living in an orphanage. How many more Jillian's are out there, left in orphanages?? I thank God for Jillian's life. I thank Him that He has blessed us with such a miracle child. And I wish her a happy birthday...for many years to come.

Eyes Wide Open.

2008-05-31T11:46:00.002-05:00

Do you ever realize, that when you yourself feel so overwhelmed, the Lord shows you how blessed you really are? I've recently found links to a couple of blogs lately of women who have lost their children. I cannot imagine the pain. I literally sobbed last night reading these amazing stories of loss, love, and faith. And even though my heart hurt for these women, who should not know what it feels like to lose a child, I truly cannot imagine what they must be going through. I know so many of you out there have been praying for Steven Curtis Chapman and his family, but the fact of the matter is, this happens every single day, to ordinary people. Not that I don't think you should pray for SCC, I absolutely think you should...he's an extraordinary person that the Lord has truly annointed for a larger purpose. I'm just saying that there are people every day that feel like they are handling more than they can bear. But yet, they stand firm in their faith, and their love for the Lord. Who take time out of their day, everyday, to share with the world how the Lord is caring them through the worst time of their lives. I feel so repentent and shameful realizing how blessed I am, and how little I have to moan about. For years now, I have felt 'stressed'. Stressed mostly about finances. I think most of you can agree with me, that finances can be overwhelming....and truly stressful. But when I compare my finances to those of the people in China, or those of the single parents trying to do the best they can, or countless others out there....I have absolutely nothing to be stressed about. I don't want to be a whiner, or a complainer. I absolutely do not believe that makes the Lord happy. In fact, I'm fairly sure that the Lord has been so disappointed in the way I've been handling my own stresses....that are totally not unique to me. I'm positive, there are so many others out there, that have the same issues, same stresses, and much worse...but don't get bogged down in them. So my cry for help is a little different today. It's a cry of repentence. And a cry of gratitude for ALL that I have to be thankful for!

Short, but sweet.

2008-05-28T21:53:00.002-05:00

I don't have alot of time, but I did want to get on and post real quickly that we are back home. My hubby is doing much, much better. I will admit that yesterday, I was absolutely, positively stressed out. The doctor had acted like he should be feeling fine yesterday....and he wasn't. In fact, he was feeling downright awful. They kept drugging him, to the point that he couldn't even really walk well yesterday. But, today, we are home, he feels much better, and there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. Now, if that financial miracle will just come through.....

Help!

2008-05-27T22:42:00.005-05:00

Well if that's not a cry for help...I don't know what is. I have officially decided that the Lord thinks I am much, much stronger than I think I am. On Monday morning, my husband woke up not feeling so well. He has pretty bad bouts with acid reflux, so I thought that's all that was going on. I had seen him take Alka seltzer, and tums, and go back to bed. So it was a totally logical explanation. So, what did I do? It was just me and Jillian, so I loaded up and went to our friends (Chase's parents) house to grill. We had the best time. We fried up some pickles and jalapenoes, and had some absolutely delicious deer steak. I truly thought my husband would have slept off his gastro issues, and was enjoying some peace and quiet at the house. I didn't call to check on him...in case he was sleeping. We went to a birthday party at the park...and then finally made our way back home. Well, when I got home, my husband was still in bed...which very much surprised me. So I plopped on the sofa, turned the TV on, and settled in. It really had been a great day. Then, out of the blue, I heard my husband asking me to take him to the emergency room. I just looked at him. I asked him if he was serious....to which of course he said yes. So, long story short...it was no acid reflux..it was his appendix. Therefore, at about 1:30 am...after sitting ridiculous amounts of hours in the waiting room, my husband had his appendix taken out....and is in the hospital recovering now. He literally said Monday was the worst day of his life....and I was out having a great time with my friends. I feel awful. To make this lovely situation better....not 3 weeks ago, our insurance company raised rates again, so we had to raise our deductible. Really, we didn't think much about it...we have never, ever had to actually meet our deductible....until now. So 3 weeks ago, our deductible was 'x'...it's now 'x times 2.5'. Oh, and wait....was it just last week that I went and paid down for my son to get his braces put on next Monday?? It sure was! AGH!!!! I think once again, the Lord is trying to put us in a position, that we can only make it through with HIS help. We HAVE to have His help....we cannot do it on our own. So much of life these days is about glorifying our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. I am praying that in a matter of days I will be posting another amazing testimony of how faithful He is!! He has shown Himself to be our healer....and now I need Him to be our provider! And I know He will!

More Picnik Pics....

2008-05-24T09:31:00.005-05:00

Charlotte and Collin

Maddie swimming this week!

What great mother's day present!

Chase's mom and me out for her birthday.

Maddie and me on our way to Shreveport one day.

Collin and Charlotte again!

Fraggle Rock....or is it frazzle rock....

2008-05-22T18:07:00.004-05:00

I feel frazzled. Summer is here, and I've got lots of kids at home. My store is slow, but there is still tons to do on a daily basis. Although, I must say today was a great day there. I think the Lord knew I had to have a day that I could look on and be thankful. During the whole Chase saga, I found myself totally focusing on the Lord, and rejoicing for His miracles. I have so quickly settled back into the chaos of daily life, and the exhaustion, (mentally mostly) of it all. I have allowed the children to have friends over to help keep them entertained while I got some work done. Which has been a good thing, but it bumped the children at my house up to 6 or 7 at a time. I'm sure you can imagine, that gets a wee bit loud and chaotic at times...which is an understatement of course. I so want to be able to enjoy the sounds that all the children make...and for the most part I do. But then the store will call with some kind of stressful news...and my nerves get short. Why is that? Some people just must handle stress better than others....while others consider some things stressful...and others consider issues just part of life. My daddy always called them the mosquitos of life. I'm sure so much of it is the changing of schedules...going from school to summer. I know generally, it's just as hard of a transition from summer to school. Having to go to bed early, and getting up early for school. At least we can stay up a little late, and sleep in. I am determined to enjoy these crazy days. I feel like the Lord is quietly whispering to me that I'm going to miss this....and I know I will. I can only imagine when they start driving how much I will miss them being in the safety of my own home!!! Regardless of how many there actually are in my house!!!!

Poison Ivy, Tonsilitis, and Painting out my ears....

2008-05-19T23:47:00.003-05:00

I have to apologize so greatly for totally, abruptly stopping this blog last week. I had no intention to, but we have had some doozy of days lately. I have had, (thankfully), so many orders for paintings I can hardly keep up. I'll try to post a pic of what I'm doing on here one of these days....I suppose I need to take a picture, and maybe get some more business for the next time I hit a slow spot. I also had poison ivy so bad, that I actually believed it was a staff infection for visiting the hospital so much. Once I figured out what it was, I got the proper medication, and started wearing long sleeves everywhere I went, including the very, very warm ballpark. I think I heard more than once...'is a cold front coming through...lol!!'. And then I would show them my arms...and they would say....'OOOHHH!!'. Yeah, it was awful. Thankfully, it is gone, praise the Lord for small miracles...as much as the big ones. THEN....on last Thursday evening...I was getting the girls ready to go to the ballpark to watch the boys play ball...and I realized how warm Jillian felt. And as I rocked her, she went from warm to hot. I went and got the thermometer, and when it hit 103, I told my 9 year old to go run her sister a cool bath....and when it kept climbing...I told her to forget it...to go to the car, we were going to the dr.'s office. When it hit 105 I just about panicked!! Thankfully, we are not in a big city, and an after hours clinic is literally 10 minutes from my house at the very most. We were there quickly, they gave her a shot, after I had given her advil...and got that fever down. I was so paranoid she was going to have a seizure, but thankfully, no such thing occured. The dr. looked her up and down, and the ONLY thing they could see was that her tonsils were a little enlarged. She really had no symptom of anything until that fever, so I was fairly surprised. However, over the next couple of days, I could barely get her to eat or drink a thing!! We are finally past that, and she is back to her old silly self. The more she tries to talk, the more and more I just could squeeze her!!! Speech therapy is tomorrow...and I have such high expectations every single week. Last week she did so very well, and they are expecting her to pick up so rapidly once she gets the basics down.

Well, I know that is basically alot of rambling...but that's about what my frame of mind is right now. All jumbled up! Craziness as usual!!!

Nacho nacho...

2008-05-10T07:45:00.005-05:00

After Chase woke up at the hospital, he was bored. They did have a VCR in his room, but no movie that he wanted to watch. I guess since he was on the pediatric floor, most of the movies were too young for him. So, somehow we got to talking about Nacho Libre. And we all started laughing out loud thinking about it. It was the first time I had seen Chase smile in the hospital. It all had started one night, a long time ago, they had come over to the house, ordered pizza, and we all watched Nacho Libre....and laughed hysterically non stop. I know some of you out there may be thoroughly disappointed in my sense of humor, but I just can't help it. So....when we went to China, one of the daily gifts I left for the kids was the dvd of it. I had put a note in the present that when we got back from China, I wanted to have another Nacho Libre night. Well, last night, the Roark's came over, and we cooked way too much food, and then we plopped down and watched it. We laughed like it was the first time we watched it. Chase was still a little quieter than usual, but was talking with all the kids that were here, and really laughing at the movie. I had a hard time believing, that last night, 3 weeks ago, they were doing surgery, desperately trying to save his life. Just 3 weeks!!!! It's been an amazing 3 weeks indeed!!

Chase is home safe and sound.

2008-05-07T22:00:00.001-05:00

So Chase is at home. It's unbelieveable. He walked in his house, plopped on his sofa, and got out his PSP. It really wasn't as if nothing had happened, but it was as if he had had the flu or something like that. He looked great....and his mom was just glowing!! The eye dr. yesterday told them they may have to have a little bit of surgery, but they are choosing not to believe that either. His mom has said over and over again that she is believing for 100% healing from the Lord. And thus far, He has not let her down. I'm going to make a list today, if I have time, of everything the doctors have told them, and everything that was wrong. Virtually NOTHING has been right. He has blown every estimate out of the water, and far, far surpassed every hope any doctor has had. The Lord is truly getting the glory for this one!

Chase is coming home!

2008-05-06T21:04:00.003-05:00

Last Saturday, which would be like....9 days ago or so....the doctors told Chase's parents that Chase would be transfered from LSU in Shreveport, to a hospital in our home town for rehab. He would then stay there for 2 - 6 months, in house, and then go home finally for a little outpatient rehab. Again, that's what the dr. said 9 days ago. Well, tomorrow, Chase is coming home. No 2 - 6 month rehab at all. He is doing TOO GOOD to be admitted to any inpatient rehab. It's so astounding. Praise the Lord!!