Tough Questions Ahead

Tonight, in the kitchen, out of the blue, Jillian asked me why I left her on the side of the road. I don't ever, ever, ever recall saying that in front of her (at least since she's been old enough to understand me)...but I'm sure my kids may have. I had to explain to her I didn't. Her response was..."No, when I was in China...why did you do that?". I couldn't get her to understand it wasn't me. She then asked me about what it was like when she was in my belly. Again, I had to tell her I didn't get to have her in my belly....somebody else did...and then somebody else kept her safe until I could get to her. I don't know where this is coming from....but I am absolutely heartbroken that these questions are coming so soon. Is she old enough to process any of this???? Does she really think I would leave her on the side of the road now???? What is going through her mind??? I know all parents of Chinese children that have been abandoned have had to deal with this...and we'll make it through....but good grief it feels like somebody has cut my heart out.

Poetry

Chandler had to write a poem about himself for his English class. Here it is:

I AM

I am a 14 yr old guy that loves Jesus.
I wonder when He will return to earth.
I hear the loud buzz of a bronze trumpet sounding through the earth.
I see Him in His shining white robe descending to the ground.
I want to spend eternity with Him.
I am a 14 yr old guy that loves Jesus.

I pretend I am walking the streets of Heaven.
I feel free from the fall backs of life.
I touch the thick, soft mane of a passive lion.
I worry about those who not reach Heaven.
I cry when I think of those people.
I am a 14 yr old guy who loves Jesus.

I understand that not everyone has the opportunity to know the Lord.
I say we should try to provide those opportunities for them.
I dream of the day when I am face to face with God's glory.
I try to bring salvation to as many as I can.
I hope that when my time comes I will be happy with my life.
I am a 14 yr old guy who loves Jesus.

Just a little update...

For those of you who aren't a part of my daily life, or aren't my friend on facebook...I thought I would just give a quick update on where we are in life right now. This school year has truthfully been the year I've been dreading for a few years now. My oldest is at the high school...he's freshmeat..oops, I mean a freshman. Then my next oldest is in the middle of her middle school years, then Collin is at the elementary school still, and my little Jillian has officially started Pre K. Which means....4 kids, 4 different school. Blah. I will have to say though...it has worked out much better than I had ever imagined it would. I have had to implement the bus for one of the kiddos...which isn't so bad. He's got some good friends on there to ride with. We're also carpooling in the mornings with my neighbor...which helps GREATLY!! The high school adjustment has been excellent to say the least. The high school my son goes to is huge. There are like 600 freshmen there with him. To say I've been a nervous wreck is the understatement of the century...but he's thriving!! The Lord's hand is on him...and He has certainly answered my prayers and more. Lots of classes with kids he knows....classes close together so he hasn't ever gotten lost....etc. And as well as the high school adjustment has gone...the pre k adjustment has gone just as smooth. Jillian loves going to big school...loves getting to eat in the cafeteria...and LOVES that 8 of the kiddos from her Sunday School class go there with her. Actually, I don't know who loves that more...me or her. It's a precious little group...and they'll all be split next year...but for now, they get to be closer friends. What can be better than that???

I know that is really fairly boring..but I was thinking about posting this or that...and realized it wouldn't even make sense to some of you. Maybe tomorrow's post will be much more exciting!! Ha!

Well hello there.

Well this is probably going to be awfully scattered....

Over the course of the last year, almost year and a half...I have so very much wanted to blog. There is such a fine line between blogging, venting, and pouring out your very soul for everyone to read. In my family, on any given day, I could very much do every single one....some even all in the same day. Sometimes I feel like I'm only a taxi driver being beckoned from here to there...and other days I feel so close to the Lord, and like such a child of the King...that I can almost feel Him in the living room with me. So, I guess I'm saying, that over time, I felt like I couldn't post about a down day...because I thought somehow it might appear that I love the Lord less. My downfall (one of them), is that I'm a very, very transparent person. It's almost impossible for me to hide my feelings. It's almost impossible for me to fake it if I'm irritated....or depressed...or worried....or excited...or happy....or anything. Pretty much, I'm a "what you see is what you get" kind of person. Over the last year, we've had many, many ups and downs. I've wanted to post about the good...but then didn't want to see too fake that we had it all together all the time. Does that make any sense at all?? So, here I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. For all the world to see....well, maybe 6 or 7 of you at least. My life is crazy, hectic, but amazingly fun, and REAL. I'm hoping that if more and more people understand that Hollywood is just that...Hollywood, it'll give some people hope. That 'off the wall' might really be what is "normal"...if that even exists. Maybe I'll get going again. Just a warning though....I might take a day to vent....or moan....or rejoice. Or do nothing but post lyrics to a song that has moved me to the core. But whatever is posted...it will be ME...and just ME.

Monopoly...the 1935 edition.

My family loves game nights. We really do....and it doesn't even matter necessarily which game it is. For the moment....it's monopoly. A while back, it was Sorry. Chandler's always asking us to play a game of cards...but we never really ever do that much. Today was one of those non stop phone days....which means I was on the phone almost the entire day.....so I was so very thankful that we had the opportunity to get together as a family tonight...and just play. It was also nice that I won the entire game handily!! Lol!! Now don't get me wrong...this family game night was nothing like the commercials that you see....you know the one's....all laughing and giggling. Nothing but smiles. Oh no...my family is way too competitive for that....we had quite a bit of pouting at hand...but not so much that it ruined it! Truthfully, it was still just SO nice.

When I was younger, I always wanted a big family!! I remember saying that I wanted to make sure SOMEBODY would come home for Christmas! But I'm starting to realize how thankful I am to have a big family now. I know we're loud...and I have realized we don't get invited to quite all the social events on the weekends since there are 6 of us...but that's ok. We can have a whole group of us playing domino's, cards, games, or whatever. I am so very thankful somedays for the chaos that is going on...obviously not every single day...but I am learning to appreciate the walk. It's a process...and I'm working on it. Every single day, I'm working on it. And today....I worked on it by beating the pants off of everybody in my family playing monopoly! Woohoo!!

Update...

I was at a birthday party with a friend that I had not seen in a couple of years yesterday. She was asking about Jillian...and happened to mention that she followed my blog. I laughed and said," uh oh...I better go update. My last post was on one of those bad day posts". We got tickled for a minute....and then realized how nice it was to go ahead and admit that we all have bad days. Some of course worse than others..but bad days nevertheless. I thought I needed to say that Madison came through her root canal with flying colors. She did fabulous!! She actually told me that the Lord had healed her...because she had not been hurting at all. I was so thankful to hear that whole sentence!!! Now, we just have to make the appt. to get her crown put on, and we'll be done. I also need to update on Chandler's trip to Dallas...it was canceled. Yes...canceled. Why you ask....swine flu. Can you believe that? The superintendent of the school board canceled all trips to Texas....because of swine flu. Chandler had expressed some concern about going....I think that was on the highest media hype day...and truthfully, I was a little concerned...but I thought to cancel it was just silly. I was really thankful to not have to worry about him going again..but felt bad for him for it to be canceled. It was going to be a great trip...so maybe they'll be able to reschedule it.

So, things are leveling out. Actually, maybe it's just me that's leveling out. End of the year activities usually stress me out a little bit. Reflecting on the year...what's gone right, and what's gone wrong. What I wish we could redo...and wonder why I didn't do certain things. And to be perfectly honest this year has been tough. I need to welcome it's closing....and look forward for the summer!!

I'm all over the place right now.

Just to be clear....I have no idea if that's a picture of a good book or not...but the title cracks me up!!! My emotional state is questionable right now. I admit it. I'm not going crazy or anything....but I have way too many mixed emotions that it's causing some inner conflict. Chandler got home from DC last night. He had a great time...other than the day he got the most horrible stomach virus ever, had to stay in his room until they kicked him out....and then got pushed around the National Archives in a wheelchair. Yeah...other than that, he did have a really good time. He got to see so many things....the White House, the Capitol, etc., etc., etc. He had an amazingly loving teacher that cared for him while he was sick...but when she got off the bus at the school...she was sick too. I felt so bad...and then we found out today that Chandler's roommate has been sick all day today too. Ugh!! I know that I know it wasn't Chandler's fault..he just happen to get it first...but I still feel bad. So we have been asking Chandler all about the trip...and then he remembered his choir trip is Friday. Which means....I had totally forgotten another trip to Dallas that he is taking this stinkin weekend. How does a mom forget that? (at least Chandler has lost track of time too....) How is it May already?? When did all this happen?? Tonight was also the 6th grade parent meeting for the kids that are heading out of elementary school and into middle school. Yep...I've got one of those too. When did that happen also?? Madison is SO not ready for middle school. To say we've had a difficult year with her is the understatement of the century. I'm extremely glad to see this year go....but am I ready for her to be at the middle school?? Um....no!!! Maybe after she has her root canal tomorrow we can talk about it. Oh yeah...did I forget to mention my 10 year old is having to have a root canal?? Ugh #2... I also found out today that her end of the year field trip is on a day I have to work...which just doesn't help. My precious worker is going to come in a bit early that day so I can at least make it for an hour or two. I just can't believe it'll pretty much be her last parent invited field trip. I'm just sitting here thinking about those dreaded middle school years. Chandler had one incident on his trip where one of the "popular" 8th graders really put him down and literally laughed at him, while trying to get the other "popular" kids to laugh at him also, because he was buying his little brother a wooden sword.....(which for the record Collin LOVED!!!)....and I just wanted to find that kid and punch him in the face. Ok, not really, but good grief it made me mad. I think, and I hope I'm not wrong...but I think Chandler's secure enough to handle all that...but is my Maddie?? I just don't know. I know I can't guard her forever...but homeschooling never looked so good!! And I'm realizing now that I have 6 straight more years of middle school before the break in between the ages for Jillian. Wow...I suppose I better get a grip on this soon...or y'all may be seeing more posts like this! Yikes!!!