Tough Questions Ahead

Tonight, in the kitchen, out of the blue, Jillian asked me why I left her on the side of the road. I don't ever, ever, ever recall saying that in front of her (at least since she's been old enough to understand me)...but I'm sure my kids may have. I had to explain to her I didn't. Her response was..."No, when I was in China...why did you do that?". I couldn't get her to understand it wasn't me. She then asked me about what it was like when she was in my belly. Again, I had to tell her I didn't get to have her in my belly....somebody else did...and then somebody else kept her safe until I could get to her. I don't know where this is coming from....but I am absolutely heartbroken that these questions are coming so soon. Is she old enough to process any of this???? Does she really think I would leave her on the side of the road now???? What is going through her mind??? I know all parents of Chinese children that have been abandoned have had to deal with this...and we'll make it through....but good grief it feels like somebody has cut my heart out.

Poetry

Chandler had to write a poem about himself for his English class. Here it is:

I AM

I am a 14 yr old guy that loves Jesus.
I wonder when He will return to earth.
I hear the loud buzz of a bronze trumpet sounding through the earth.
I see Him in His shining white robe descending to the ground.
I want to spend eternity with Him.
I am a 14 yr old guy that loves Jesus.

I pretend I am walking the streets of Heaven.
I feel free from the fall backs of life.
I touch the thick, soft mane of a passive lion.
I worry about those who not reach Heaven.
I cry when I think of those people.
I am a 14 yr old guy who loves Jesus.

I understand that not everyone has the opportunity to know the Lord.
I say we should try to provide those opportunities for them.
I dream of the day when I am face to face with God's glory.
I try to bring salvation to as many as I can.
I hope that when my time comes I will be happy with my life.
I am a 14 yr old guy who loves Jesus.

Just a little update...

For those of you who aren't a part of my daily life, or aren't my friend on facebook...I thought I would just give a quick update on where we are in life right now. This school year has truthfully been the year I've been dreading for a few years now. My oldest is at the high school...he's freshmeat..oops, I mean a freshman. Then my next oldest is in the middle of her middle school years, then Collin is at the elementary school still, and my little Jillian has officially started Pre K. Which means....4 kids, 4 different school. Blah. I will have to say though...it has worked out much better than I had ever imagined it would. I have had to implement the bus for one of the kiddos...which isn't so bad. He's got some good friends on there to ride with. We're also carpooling in the mornings with my neighbor...which helps GREATLY!! The high school adjustment has been excellent to say the least. The high school my son goes to is huge. There are like 600 freshmen there with him. To say I've been a nervous wreck is the understatement of the century...but he's thriving!! The Lord's hand is on him...and He has certainly answered my prayers and more. Lots of classes with kids he knows....classes close together so he hasn't ever gotten lost....etc. And as well as the high school adjustment has gone...the pre k adjustment has gone just as smooth. Jillian loves going to big school...loves getting to eat in the cafeteria...and LOVES that 8 of the kiddos from her Sunday School class go there with her. Actually, I don't know who loves that more...me or her. It's a precious little group...and they'll all be split next year...but for now, they get to be closer friends. What can be better than that???

I know that is really fairly boring..but I was thinking about posting this or that...and realized it wouldn't even make sense to some of you. Maybe tomorrow's post will be much more exciting!! Ha!

Well hello there.

Well this is probably going to be awfully scattered....

Over the course of the last year, almost year and a half...I have so very much wanted to blog. There is such a fine line between blogging, venting, and pouring out your very soul for everyone to read. In my family, on any given day, I could very much do every single one....some even all in the same day. Sometimes I feel like I'm only a taxi driver being beckoned from here to there...and other days I feel so close to the Lord, and like such a child of the King...that I can almost feel Him in the living room with me. So, I guess I'm saying, that over time, I felt like I couldn't post about a down day...because I thought somehow it might appear that I love the Lord less. My downfall (one of them), is that I'm a very, very transparent person. It's almost impossible for me to hide my feelings. It's almost impossible for me to fake it if I'm irritated....or depressed...or worried....or excited...or happy....or anything. Pretty much, I'm a "what you see is what you get" kind of person. Over the last year, we've had many, many ups and downs. I've wanted to post about the good...but then didn't want to see too fake that we had it all together all the time. Does that make any sense at all?? So, here I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. For all the world to see....well, maybe 6 or 7 of you at least. My life is crazy, hectic, but amazingly fun, and REAL. I'm hoping that if more and more people understand that Hollywood is just that...Hollywood, it'll give some people hope. That 'off the wall' might really be what is "normal"...if that even exists. Maybe I'll get going again. Just a warning though....I might take a day to vent....or moan....or rejoice. Or do nothing but post lyrics to a song that has moved me to the core. But whatever is posted...it will be ME...and just ME.

Monopoly...the 1935 edition.

My family loves game nights. We really do....and it doesn't even matter necessarily which game it is. For the moment....it's monopoly. A while back, it was Sorry. Chandler's always asking us to play a game of cards...but we never really ever do that much. Today was one of those non stop phone days....which means I was on the phone almost the entire day.....so I was so very thankful that we had the opportunity to get together as a family tonight...and just play. It was also nice that I won the entire game handily!! Lol!! Now don't get me wrong...this family game night was nothing like the commercials that you see....you know the one's....all laughing and giggling. Nothing but smiles. Oh no...my family is way too competitive for that....we had quite a bit of pouting at hand...but not so much that it ruined it! Truthfully, it was still just SO nice.

When I was younger, I always wanted a big family!! I remember saying that I wanted to make sure SOMEBODY would come home for Christmas! But I'm starting to realize how thankful I am to have a big family now. I know we're loud...and I have realized we don't get invited to quite all the social events on the weekends since there are 6 of us...but that's ok. We can have a whole group of us playing domino's, cards, games, or whatever. I am so very thankful somedays for the chaos that is going on...obviously not every single day...but I am learning to appreciate the walk. It's a process...and I'm working on it. Every single day, I'm working on it. And today....I worked on it by beating the pants off of everybody in my family playing monopoly! Woohoo!!

Update...

I was at a birthday party with a friend that I had not seen in a couple of years yesterday. She was asking about Jillian...and happened to mention that she followed my blog. I laughed and said," uh oh...I better go update. My last post was on one of those bad day posts". We got tickled for a minute....and then realized how nice it was to go ahead and admit that we all have bad days. Some of course worse than others..but bad days nevertheless. I thought I needed to say that Madison came through her root canal with flying colors. She did fabulous!! She actually told me that the Lord had healed her...because she had not been hurting at all. I was so thankful to hear that whole sentence!!! Now, we just have to make the appt. to get her crown put on, and we'll be done. I also need to update on Chandler's trip to Dallas...it was canceled. Yes...canceled. Why you ask....swine flu. Can you believe that? The superintendent of the school board canceled all trips to Texas....because of swine flu. Chandler had expressed some concern about going....I think that was on the highest media hype day...and truthfully, I was a little concerned...but I thought to cancel it was just silly. I was really thankful to not have to worry about him going again..but felt bad for him for it to be canceled. It was going to be a great trip...so maybe they'll be able to reschedule it.

So, things are leveling out. Actually, maybe it's just me that's leveling out. End of the year activities usually stress me out a little bit. Reflecting on the year...what's gone right, and what's gone wrong. What I wish we could redo...and wonder why I didn't do certain things. And to be perfectly honest this year has been tough. I need to welcome it's closing....and look forward for the summer!!

I'm all over the place right now.

Just to be clear....I have no idea if that's a picture of a good book or not...but the title cracks me up!!! My emotional state is questionable right now. I admit it. I'm not going crazy or anything....but I have way too many mixed emotions that it's causing some inner conflict. Chandler got home from DC last night. He had a great time...other than the day he got the most horrible stomach virus ever, had to stay in his room until they kicked him out....and then got pushed around the National Archives in a wheelchair. Yeah...other than that, he did have a really good time. He got to see so many things....the White House, the Capitol, etc., etc., etc. He had an amazingly loving teacher that cared for him while he was sick...but when she got off the bus at the school...she was sick too. I felt so bad...and then we found out today that Chandler's roommate has been sick all day today too. Ugh!! I know that I know it wasn't Chandler's fault..he just happen to get it first...but I still feel bad. So we have been asking Chandler all about the trip...and then he remembered his choir trip is Friday. Which means....I had totally forgotten another trip to Dallas that he is taking this stinkin weekend. How does a mom forget that? (at least Chandler has lost track of time too....) How is it May already?? When did all this happen?? Tonight was also the 6th grade parent meeting for the kids that are heading out of elementary school and into middle school. Yep...I've got one of those too. When did that happen also?? Madison is SO not ready for middle school. To say we've had a difficult year with her is the understatement of the century. I'm extremely glad to see this year go....but am I ready for her to be at the middle school?? Um....no!!! Maybe after she has her root canal tomorrow we can talk about it. Oh yeah...did I forget to mention my 10 year old is having to have a root canal?? Ugh #2... I also found out today that her end of the year field trip is on a day I have to work...which just doesn't help. My precious worker is going to come in a bit early that day so I can at least make it for an hour or two. I just can't believe it'll pretty much be her last parent invited field trip. I'm just sitting here thinking about those dreaded middle school years. Chandler had one incident on his trip where one of the "popular" 8th graders really put him down and literally laughed at him, while trying to get the other "popular" kids to laugh at him also, because he was buying his little brother a wooden sword.....(which for the record Collin LOVED!!!)....and I just wanted to find that kid and punch him in the face. Ok, not really, but good grief it made me mad. I think, and I hope I'm not wrong...but I think Chandler's secure enough to handle all that...but is my Maddie?? I just don't know. I know I can't guard her forever...but homeschooling never looked so good!! And I'm realizing now that I have 6 straight more years of middle school before the break in between the ages for Jillian. Wow...I suppose I better get a grip on this soon...or y'all may be seeing more posts like this! Yikes!!!

Proud Momma!

Ok, so I know the last posting of Chandler singing about diarrhea probably didn't shine forth the true gifting of my Chan man. He is actually quite talented in so many different ways....and I am really so very proud! This week, he is in Washington DC on a school trip. They have packed full days...going to all the memorials, museums, the White House, the Supreme Court, then heading to Colonial Williamsburg, Jamestown, etc. etc. When I talked to him today, he said he was pretty tired, but it was very worth it. Only 50 students out of the 7th and 8th grade are allowed to go on this trip. To be fair, the system is....that their names are picked with a lottery system. They choose numbers 1 - 50, and then everybody after goes on the waiting list. Once your number is drawn..you have to maintain a 3.5 gpa, and have NO conduct marks whatsoever. If you either go below on a 3.5, or get a conduct mark... you are out!! This really is a great way to ensure it will be a manageable group of kids going on such an expansive trip. To be perfectly honest, I was kind of hoping Chandler's name would not get drawn. It's fairly expensive...but it's worth it if money isn't an issue with you. So when his name, and his close friend's name were drawn, I told him he HAD to help raise this money for him to be able to go. We did a little bit of research to figure out what might be the best way to go about this....and we decided on candy bars. We ordered candy bars from World's Finest Chocolate...and he got to selling. He has sold candy bars virtually every single day since before Christmas. He earned almost the entire amount of money he had to have. He flew out on Wednesday morning...EARLY...and has been going ever since. When I talked to him last, they were in Williamsburg on their way to see a glass blower. I asked him if it was worth all the days of toting a box of candy bars around...and he said YES!! I am just bubbling over with pride for him. He's not perfect, so I don't want you to think I'm one of THOSE parents. But he is a great kid...he's worked hard...and he's now getting to see the fruit of his labor. What a great lesson he's learned....and what a great prize he's rewarded himself with!! I can't wait to see all the pictures he has taken....and I'll try to post a few when he gets home with them!!

Boring days of Spring Break......

I know I am probably ruining the idea that many people have of me by posting this...but I thought for a 13 year old this was pretty clever. My Chandler is the one singing, Madison is next to him, and my nephews are in the background.....try, try, try to get a good laugh....enjoy!!

Happy April Fool's Day!!

My friend Alisha sent this to me this morning....and it made me laugh out loud.....


One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said. "Disneyland has burned down." He cried and cried, but I think deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. ~ Jack Handey

Jillian likes shaving cream....ALOT!

The Mouse House...

Well, I honestly can't believe I'm going to tell the entire world about the mouse house....but there really is a purpose to it...so here goes.... I was walking out of Super One Foods the other day, and saw they had sitting by the door, grills for sale. Just like so many other grocery stores, they bring in seasonal stuff, then they mark it up outrageously, and try to get you to "remember" you need a grill for the summer! Does anybody really buy that? Anyway, back to the point of my story...when I saw that grill....my mind immediately went back in time. For real....I went right back to the end of 1998, and the beginning of 1999. Madison was a baby, and Chandler was just about 3. We lived in our 2nd townhouse, which was right across the street from our 1st townhouse, and very conveniently 2 doors down from my mom's townhouse. I loved our street, and our situation with my mom being so close. It really was one of those ideal situations....for a little while at least. But then, the bottom fell out....I started noticing hints of mouse droppings. Then I saw a mouse, and then eventually two.....and so on. Our row of townhouses backed up to a cow pasture, and evidently little tiny field mice had come in and built a nest somewhere in our walls. It was awful!!! I cannot even explain to any of you out there how truly awful it is to have a mouse infested house...that you can't seem to do anything about. We called our landlord, they would do nothing. We called an exterminator, they said they could come set traps....which is exactly what we could do, and did. I won't go into all the details, but before it was all said and done, I couldn't even watch movies like Fievel Goes West, Mickey Mouse....or any movie for that matter that had a cute little mouse in it...because we frankly had had to kill so many. It really was a time that I think the Lord had to give us all grace to live through, because when I think about it now, it just freaks me out. Anyhoo....so when I saw that grill at Super One a few days ago, and my mind went back to that time, I found myself laughing in the parking lot thinking about what all we went through. I remember one time, a mouse was bold enough to come out while we were all in the living room....Roy and Chandler, (who again was 3 by now) had cornered this mouse under Chandler's little recliner. They couldn't figure out what to do next, but Chandler thought it was the most fun in the world. I remember running upstairs with Madison, but could still hear them downstairs. I sat there and listened to Chandler belly laugh so much with his Daddy trying to catch that mouse. I remember sitting in the kitchen on the phone with Roy while he was out of town, (at the time he was a drug rep, and traveled quite alot), and seeing little mice scurry around all over the top of our grill on the back porch. (Hence the recollection when I saw the grill) When we finally moved into our current house, back in 1999, Chandler was so sad, because he didn't want to leave "the mouse house". How crazy is that?? So, I sat in my car driving home, thinking how I never imagined then, that I would look back at those times with fondness. And while they certainly weren't great times in our lives....we sure made some great memories. I realized then, that I hope and pray, that in 10 years from now....I will look back on these drastically different, but also equally stressful times, with fondness. Am I taking the time to make the good memories? Or am I just drowning myself in the stress of daily life. I want to have more times to look back on and laugh about than I can count. And truthfully, it's just a decision away. A decision to look at things on the bright side. Maybe if I continually ask myself..."how am I going to remember this in 10 years?" it might put a new perspective on it. I'll keep you posted how it goes...but as of now....I am exceedingly grateful that mice in my house is not one of my stresses!! Praise the Lord for small wonders!!!

Wii Fit

I've recently gotten the Wii Fit. I love it. I really do...it's ALOT of fun, but it's also quite motivating! The first day after working out, it said I had lost a pound....but it quickly told me that weight can fluctuate 2 pounds or so, up or down. Basically, it told me not to get too excited! The next day, I went up 2 pounds...and to be perfectly honest, I was really bummed. However, I then expected it to tell me not to worry...my weight can fluctuate. NOT!! It immediately said, oh no, let's figure out why you're gaining weight. Are you eating too late? Are you doing enough excercise? What's up with that?????

While I'm Waiting.....John Waller

While I’m Waiting
Psalm 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 38:15, 40:1, Isaiah 30:18, Lamentations 3:24
John Waller

"The explanation for this song is simple, I was waiting on God and I was hurting when I wrote the lyrics. I probably wouldn’t have written
a song if my friend, Mike, hadn’t encouraged me to document what I was going through during that time. I’m sure there are few people
who can’t relate to this song, but the important thing to remember while we’re waiting on God is to not just wait but to actively wait.
Serve, worship and be faithful with what you have, where you are… “even while (you) wait.”

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord


I absolutely love this song!! I actually really like John Waller, and the lyrics to several of his other songs too.....go look him up. I'm sure you'll love him as much as I do... Anyway, back to this song.... I know I'm not in the waiting game for my adoption anymore...but this song would have been a perfect way to explain what I was feeling and thinking at the time. But just because I'm not waiting on my adoption...doesn't mean I'm not waiting on other things. I'm sure like all the rest of you, there are promises that we just know that the Lord has placed in and on our lives...and we are just waiting to see what (or more accurately when) on earth the outcome is going to be. These lyrics challenge me, (because so often I fail at this particular challenge) and I hope they would challenge you also, to serve Him while we are waiting for whatever it is that the Lord has called us to. To wait peacefully. At first glance, (or listen in my case)....I thought to myself...seriously?? Move ahead, bold and confident?? Are you kidding me?? Every step in obedience!!! (Again, I'll say....very often, I am a total failure in that area.) Wow....how much different would my outcomes be if that was what I did. Obviously, that IS exactly what we are supposed to be doing!!! I have learned, yet one more time through my study of Esther....that our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ IS working behind the scenes even when we don't physically see His work. His promises are clear, and they are promises....now we (I) just have to wait on Him.

Bummer.

My computer crashed last week. And I mean totally crashed. Blue screen of death crashed. We took it to the computer store....and they said they could restore it, but would have to wipe it clean. I said, everything?? And they said...EVERYTHING. They couldn't save one thing I had put on my computer....no files, no music, and NO PICTURES. I thankfully had uploaded most of my pictures to snapfish albums, but there were some, I had just neglected, and hadn't gotten done. Mainly miscellaneous pictures...that I had no specific album to put in. I have an amazing picture of my mom and Chandler at Chandler's Christmas choir concert....that thankfully I recovered...but I had no album to put it in. After I got my computer back, with nothing on it, I immediately ran around my house to find all my memory cards to see exactly what I still had on them. I was surprised to see how old some of them were, and I did manage to salvage a few pics that I thought I had lost forever. My China pictures, which I had uploaded, and already have the hard copies of, were on one of those cards. As I was going through them, I realized how different Jillian looks. I mean, I know she looks different, but she has really, really grown. I'm pretty sure I did this with all my babies, but since it's been awhile since they were babies...I just didn't remember how stinkin FAST time goes. And how you don't even realize at that age, how fast they change....and you don't even notice it as it's happening right before your eyes. I'm so thankful that Jillian has been part of our lives for long enough that WE have been able to witness her changes. Her hair is so much longer, she's taller, she's thicker....and I LOVE watching it. I LOVE seeing her change. Now, if I could just freeze time.....

Where to begin....

I have tried to figure out how to start back blogging. Should I explain my time out? Should I not? Should I just give a few details, which of course would be very boring to you? I've decided not to go into all the long, drawn out excuses, but I will say...the Lord has done several mighty works in my life, and I am ever so grateful. There are a couple of areas of my life, that have been such faith builders over the last months. Truth be told, a couple of areas have been nothing but a roller coaster ride for quite some time. I have to tell you, I'm ready to be off that ride....for good. That's all I'll say for now....but there definitely have been some things I've wanted to blog about....and I think it's time to get back at it. If for no other reason, for me. It's a fantastic way for me to go through my day, realize my blessings, and have a few deep thoughts. Lol!

So, I'll jump right back in now.... A few months ago, he came home telling me there was a new student at school....and he was from the Ukraine. I at first was thrilled, and wanted Chandler to be best friends with him immediately, just so I could pick his brain about the Ukraine...but no such luck. He'd mentioned his new friend here and there, but nothing too much. And then, quite honestly, I had forgotten about it for the most part. Well, last week, Chandler came home and told me that one of the counselors at the school had pulled Chandler aside and told him that Max was having a difficult time making solid friends, and she asked Chandler to befriend him, and maybe have him over and maybe even have him spend the night. First off, and slightly off subject, I have to say how excited, and impressed I am that this counselor thought enough of Chandler to ask him to do such a thing. Secondly, I immediately had all kinds of questions. What would this mother who brought her child all the way from the Ukraine think of a relative stranger inviting her son to our house. Because of all these very random, and slightly concerning questions, I made an appt. with the counselor, who arranged for me to meet the mother. Long story short, Max came over today. He seemed to have a great time, he went to church with us, and then I brought him home. I have certainly had my "deep thoughts" about all this. As most of you know...my heart is in the Ukraine. I felt very certain I was to adopt from the Ukraine...but was clearly wrong on that issue. Nevertheless, my heart hasn't left those Eastern European countries. Romania, Russia, Ukraine, etc. So, why out of that entire school, would that counselor, who doesn't know me at all, ask Chandler of all people to befriend him? Why is Jillian's new facilitator for speech from Romania? I am consistently reminded of these countries all the time. I may totally be reading more into this than I should...which I often do....but I still am so very happy to have made a few connections to those countries. Maybe one day I will be able to go there. Missions is continually crossing my mind these days. Who knows what the future holds?? I sure don't....but I do feel blessed. On many, many fronts.

He is!!

I know I've said before how music, and lyrics can really move me. Praise and worship is a very important part of my life...and more often than not I hear the Lord speak to me more during those times of worship than any other. So, when I find a song that really moves me..sometimes I obsess over it. Ask my kids...or my workers...I will play it over and over and over just trying to squeeze out every bit of power that I can from it. He is by Aaron Jeffrey is one of those songs for me. I have gone through cycles with it...where I play it all day, and then where I don't play it for months. I hadn't listened to it for so very long..and then lately I have realized that my children for whatever reason, don't know the books of the bible. I don't know why I've not known that before...maybe I just took for granted that they did. From owning a teacher store, I have learned that children can memorize so much more when it's put to a tune...so I started trying to find a tune that the books of the bible were to...and then I remembered the song He is. I pulled out my cd and began to listen to it, mainly to refresh my memorization skills before I started working on them. And as I was listening to it....the power of that song came through so fresh, like I had never heard it before. It goes through the entire bible, and states what the Lord is in every single book of the Bible....and it is so unbelieveably moving to me. If you ever thought for one moment that the Lord couldn't be to you what you need him to be..you are so very wrong. He is everything. I'll type out just a few of the descriptions of Him that particularly move me....but I would encourage you to go pull up this song....on whatever search engine you can...and listen to it. Let all that the Lord is, soak in...accept it, and accept Him. It starts out in Genesis, where He is the breath of life, onto Exodus where He is the passover Lamb...then the High Priest, Moses's voice, He is salvations choice! Judges...law giver, trusted prophet, He's sovereign, a true and faithful scribe, He's the rebuilder of broken walls and lives..In Esther He is Mordecai's prophet, Job's timeless redeemer, He is our morning song....He's wisdom's cry, the cry for Israel, the call from sin, the stranger in the fire, He is forever faithful.....He is the Spirits power, the arms that carry us....the Lord our saviour!!!! He's the great misionary, in Micah the promise of peace...our strength and our shield....He is the restorer, our fountain....the Son of righteousness, rising Healing in his wings....In Matthew, Mark, Luke and John He is God, man, messiah, power of Love, in Galatians He is freedom from the curse of sin... Our glorious treasurer, the servant's heart, the Godhead trinity....our faithful pastor, the everlasting courage, in James He's the one who heals the sick, King of kings, and Lord of Lords....He is!!!!!! Prince of Peace, Son of man, the Lamb of God...the great I AM, the alpha and omega. It ends with those overwhelming words...and when time is no more..He is! How amazing, comforting, overwhelming, awe inspiring! I can't say enough to describe how I feel when I think of all that He is. I don't let Him fill near enough roles in my life. I try to fill too many with myself, my own works, other people....and truth be told.....only He can fill those empty spots that I try to squeeze anything and everything in. He is!!!!

Random Pics

On the way to Mamaw and Papaw's to open presents.
Jillian liked her new pillowcase more than I thought she would! :)
Daddy and Madison on New Year's Eve at a friend's bonfire.
Roy and Chandler at MaMaw and PaPaw's.
My handsome boy.

What is in the water??

I'm not sure what it is, but I am just over the top emotional these days. Last night I was crying with and for Madison...tonight I'm all stirred up on another front. We had a little incident with Chandler today...and I thought, "are you kidding me?? are you for real?". I won't go into the details, but it's all in all not so bad. Normal 7th grade stuff...but I was just not in the right mindset I guess. Today was also our final homestudy meeting we'll ever have. It was our 12 month post placement report, (which was actually way overdue, but I couldn't find my social worker). When she left the house, I thought back on all we had gone through over the last couple of years. Yes...years.... ridiculous I know. I remember our first appt. so very well. I was a nervous wreck, and she (our social worker) was so soothing. We got so much done so quickly, that I knew the Lord's hand was on it. You know, I think part of what gets me is maybe how long our entire adoption process took. And because it takes so long, and consumes you so much, you almost become attached to it. If that makes any sense at all. I worked on paperwork for months, I think I applied with our agency in June of '05. Once we finally got our paperwork to China, we then waited a solid year before we heard anything. Literally, I mailed our paperwork to China on June 30th 2006, and got the call about Jillian on June 26th, 2007. I wanted one of those shirts that said, "Yes we're still waiting. No we haven't heard anything. Thanks for asking.". I loved them...but I resisted. Once we finally, finally got the approval to go get her, then waited what seemed like the longest wait ever...to be able to get on that plane to go...and then ever so suddenly, it all came full circle. We had her in our arms. Now, we have been working in reverse...having to prove that she is in fact thriving with us....and she's not being abused. To do that, we had to have the social worker come out after we had had her for 6 months, and then a year. And now, after ALL that, we are officially done. It's complete. No more. Wait...a finished project?? That's just about unheard of in my house! Roy should be proud of me!

My heart hurts.

Madison is having friend challenges. And they are absolutely hurting my heart. Believe you me, I am fully aware of those challenges she brings on herself..and she does it quite a bit....but this time, it's of no fault of her own. She's hit the "don't tell your mom, or I'll never talk to you again" stage...and it's awful. I am going to a Beth Moore bible study on Esther. If you have never done a Beth Moore study..you need to. She's amazing. I'm not one that likes to tout different preachers or teachers...because I firmly believe if you put PEOPLE too high on a pedestal, you and you alone are bound to be sorely disappointed. But she has a gift....and she may be flawed in many other ways, (although I have yet to see a flaw of any kind!!), but she is gifted in teaching the Word. She can link the bible to make sense from so many different angles. Today, part of the study was on mean girls. And she was so perfect in her description in so many different ways. One of the things she was saying...was that it's not really in her nature to be mean. But man, let a mean girl get ahold of one of her girls...and the mean girl came out!! I got so tickled at that, because it is so true. I'm not necessarily mean...but I do have very definite opinions...and I have a hard time faking it if I don't agree. That's the politically correct way to say it I suppose! :) Anyway..I am totally feeling that right now. She's got a best friend...and they've been best friend for quite a few years now. Well, the bff decided to get a little ugly this weekend...and do some stuff she shouldn't do with Madison at the house. Then, she decided to tell Madison that she could NEVER, EVER trust me because I would tell the bff's mom..which I absolutely am going to. This mom is going to freak out as much as I am. So now..the bff is all "I'm not going to be your friend if you tell, etc, etc." And while, I know that I know, they'll probably stay friends...the first crack has happened. They've had tiffs before...this is nothing new, I promise. But this is "don't tell your mom....you can't trust your mom, etc.". That's bigger in my book. Maybe I'm just taking it personally....I just don't know. So often, my other kids get praised for grades, or soccer, or this and that...and I feel like Maddie Lee gets overlooked on the recognition end of the totem pole. She's not the best dancer, artist, brainiac, etc. But she IS gifted!!! I just want all ya'll 5 people that read this to know...she is a mightily gifted person. She has more compassion in her pinky than many grown adults could ever muster together. She is a caregiver....she's probably given Jillian more baths than me....because she wants to do it. And she loves. When she loves, she loves deep. I believe the Lord has high and mighty plans for her....we just have to get through middle school. And we aren't even there yet! My knees are going to be tough as nails for a few years...I can see it now.