Houston... we have a toddler.

Well it's official. Jillian has hit the pre 2 terrible 2's. I distinctly remember this with my other 3 children at this age, so I'm taking it as a good sign. I'm taking it as she is feeling so good, that she is comfortable having a fit. This really just hit last week, and I thought maybe she wasn't feeling good. Since then, however, I have found a pattern. I tell her no, she has a fit. Now, understand me, it's not a "in the floor kicking" fit. But it is a face turn red, yell at the middle of her lungs, (it's definitely not the top of her lungs thankfully), without a tear one running down her face. I am having a hard time with discipline still. I do definitely discipline her, but I'm not as hard on her as I would be with my biological children. Anyone out there have any BTDT advice? I've only had her for 3 months, so I'm not sure how far to take it. I know I absolutely cannot let her climb over the table at a restaurant, or pull the plates off and throw them like she would like to. But, I also feel horrible telling her no almost the entire day. I have taken some good time the last couple of days, (once I figured out what was going on), to intentionally distract her and play for quite awhile. I obviously can't do that everyday, but it has seemed to help a touch. So, keep us in your prayers. I definitely need the Lord's guidance in this. Yikes!!

3 month anniversary!!

Well, we've had Jillian for 3 months now...actually 3 months, and two days. It is so difficult for me to imagine that from both angles really. In one sense, it feels like we have had her forever, but yet it almost feels like yesterday that we were actually in China. It's so hard for me to realize that this amazing journey that we prayed about for so long, worked on for so long, and anticipated for so long is over. It was exactly 2 years ago yesterday that I called our adoption agency to switch countries to China. Could that REALLY have been 2 years ago? It goes so fast. I think of how fast time has gone with my other children, and I know Jillian will be no different. I remember distinctly Chandler's first day of kindergarten....and now he's half way through his first year of middle school. Our friend's children are starting to drive. I just can't believe it!!

As I'm having my deep thoughts lately, several things have happened that have brought China back to my mind so clearly. I watched a friend of mine's little boy tonight....and he LOVED tv. We all got tickled at him because he would actually sit and watch a movie. Jillian would not ever. But then we realized that she LOVED tv in China. She was glued to it. She loved that silly Chinese opera. And she loved the Chinese version of our pbs. Boy have things changed!! I've thought about how incredibly hard our beds were in Beijing. How incredibly hot our rooms were in Nanning. But when I think back to that trip, anxiety and all, I just melt. It was such an amazing experience. One that I absolutely did not want to take. One that scared me more than anything has scared me in my entire life. But I did it. With the Lord's help, I did it. And I now have this precious 4th child, that I know with 100% certainty was meant to be ours. She is so much a part of our family now, it's hard for me to look at her even as Chinese. I know so many of you out there are probably reading this thinking, "huh??", but it's true. She's 20 months old now, so she can definitely be a handful. She can absolutely wear me out...but she's mine. Just as much as the other 3 can absolutely wear me out...and they are mine. I guess I really thought it would take such a period of adjustment for me to be able to say that. I'm so very thankful it didn't.

Hitting the Wall, and Crawling over it.

Life with Jillian is great. Really. I have to admit though, lately, I have felt fairly trapped. Jillian has had NO adoption related issues. She has had no attachment problems at all. I even left her in the nursery at church on Sunday. She did good. Not perfect, but neither did my other children for the most part. With that being said, I have felt conflicted with how to handle normal, daily issues that arise with a 19 month old child. She has a runny nose, doesn't feel good, and was fairly grumpy yesterday. Nothing seems to make her feel better, except for someone to hold her. Which just isn't possible to do all day. So, I had to just let her cry several times yesterday. I had to put her in her bed during nap time, when she didn't want to nap, and just let her fuss for awhile. It wasn't steady, it was off and on, but still enough to just kind of drive you crazy!! So when the other kids get home from school, and have homework, activites, etc., life can just get nutso!! And then the store calls and needs this and that, and it's tax time, inventory time, etc. I've just been tired. Pooped. Worn out. Overwhelmed. However you'd like to phrase it, that's what I've been. So, I made a decision to have a night out. I'm not one of those "girls night out" kind of people. I'm not a member of a bunco group, or any of those other things. I'm not opposed to them by any means, but my family just doesn't have enough time together to begin with. But, I needed some time out. Away. Without having to think about anything. So, last night, my friend and I headed to eat, and then to Old Navy to hit the end of the season clearance sale. It was WONDERFUL!! I have realized how critical it is for me to have what I like to call "no brainer" time. There was NOTHING we 'had' to discuss last night. We laughed, griped, pondered life, etc. And then there was NOTHING I 'had' to buy last night either. The deals were so good though, that I even got some Christmas presents for next year!!! Talk about feeling productive!!! I think the key is though, I didn't HAVE to do it. I wasn't pressed for time, or trying to grab a quick present because I had forgotten about someone. I am thankful that I have such an amazing friend that I could do that with. She's like my sister really. And I'm thankful to have a husband that was willing to watch all 4 kids because he knew I had to have some time. I'm thankful to have a few extra dollars so when I do hit a great sale, I have money to spend. I'm still tired, but I am also so very thankful.

Update...

Jillian is still doing wonderful. She is clearly feeling very comfortable with us, and is a very typical 19 month old baby. We've decided eating out is just not worth it for awhile. Last time we went out she kept trying to get Collin's baked potato to throw on the ground. Again, typical 19 month old. I have found that along with her mischeviousness, I find comfort. She still appears to be right on target for a child her age. Other than her speech obviously. I am hoping soon she will begin speaking much better, but it is still a little early yet. The pics are from my store that she goes to with me every morning. The girls that work for me love her, and she loves them. And of course, we take LOTS of pics of her. Enjoy.

A few more pics...

Jillian wearing reindeer antlers. I can't believe we caught this picture

before she pulled them off!
This is how Jillian gives sugar.

Playing at my brother and sister in law's house in Texas.

Loving wearing a hat!!! So silly!!

Life is good.

Jillian and Madison when we arrived at the airport.
Jillian at the first of December in her cousins jackets. We still don't dress her in blue. LOL!

Bad news is I've lost my usb cord, so I have almost no pics to add. Especially all the Christmas pics. The good news is, everything is going amazingly well. Fairy Tale well actually. I ran into a friend at Wal Mart the other day and was describing how wonderful things have gone. And it really occured to me that for the VAST majority of this entire process since we left for China, has been almost too good to be true. We had not one flight delay. Not one piece of lost luggage. No attachment worries, no unexpected illnesses....nothing. And it hasn't changed. Other than jet lag, and Jillian only wanting me in China...I can't think of anything negative to say!! Praise the Lord!! Jillian is an absolutely hilarious, precious, beautiful child. She has been the light of our entire house for almost 2 months now. She says momma, dada..(but usually just calls him momma also), hot, baba, tickle tickle, and a few other various things. She does know every single thing you tell her though. Sometimes more than I realize. I talk to her constantly, and sometimes I tell her to do things not expecting anything in return, and then off she goes. Today, (now this is just for the momma's out there), she told me poopoo, patted her hiney, then went and got a diaper, wipes, and then promptly laid down on the floor. What an amazing girl we have!!!

I'm so sorry!!

I really used to hate it when people came home from China and then apparently fell off the face of the earth. Well now I know why they do. Life is crazy!! Jillian is just an extra bonus to the craziness, but crazy it is. Things are going very well here. She is sleeping through the night, (most nights), and is adjusting beautifully!! We are back at work, church, school, etc. I am finding myself fairly emotionally exhausted, but physically, I seem to be ok. I am still full of uncertainties with Jillian. She is clearly around the other 3 children every afternoon and evening, so I cannot have different rules, but yet, I can't discipline her yet the way I do the other 3. I am trying to walk the fine line of discipline/bonding still. I'm not sure how long it will take me to feel comfortable, but I'm not there yet. Don't get me wrong...she has had her share of 'NO's, but I still question myself when I do it.

The pediatrician was very pleased with her progress. She is small, but we felt very accomplished yesterday, when she fit into a 12 month outfit. That's only 1 size behind. Madison was 1 size behind for most of her life. In fact, she still is....actually 2 sizes in most items. Once again, Jillian fits just fine in our family!! LOL!! She has yesterday started with the runny nose/cough. Living in Louisiana, weather is in question everyday. We go from hot to cold, then cold to hot. Chandler has terrible allergies, and I'm wondering if she might be following in his footsteps. It is prime time for runny noses, and I suppose she's no different, regardless of where she's from.

Yesterday we finally went and got her blood work done. I had been procrastinating dreading the finger prick. Well, if I had known what it was really going to be like, I don't know that I would have taken her at all!!! When I got there, they were laughing about how many tests the dr. ordered for her. I thought they were kidding. Not. They pulled her sleeve up, tied off her arm, and began searching for a vein. It was horrible. Then, they missed, prodded around, decided to stop, take a break, and try again. HORRIBLE!!!! Finally, they got a vein, drew a couple of things of blood, and let us leave. Jillian did much better than I expected...she screamed but then was laughing in the car on our way to get her some food. She then ate like a raging maniac!! I have no idea if that had anything to do with the blood that was taken, but she acted ravenous!!! Crazy!!

I will do everything I can to post more often! I don't think I have the new pictures on my computer, but I will post them as soon as I download them. Again, I'm sorry for not posting sooner!!