Random Pics

On the way to Mamaw and Papaw's to open presents.
Jillian liked her new pillowcase more than I thought she would! :)
Daddy and Madison on New Year's Eve at a friend's bonfire.
Roy and Chandler at MaMaw and PaPaw's.
My handsome boy.

What is in the water??

I'm not sure what it is, but I am just over the top emotional these days. Last night I was crying with and for Madison...tonight I'm all stirred up on another front. We had a little incident with Chandler today...and I thought, "are you kidding me?? are you for real?". I won't go into the details, but it's all in all not so bad. Normal 7th grade stuff...but I was just not in the right mindset I guess. Today was also our final homestudy meeting we'll ever have. It was our 12 month post placement report, (which was actually way overdue, but I couldn't find my social worker). When she left the house, I thought back on all we had gone through over the last couple of years. Yes...years.... ridiculous I know. I remember our first appt. so very well. I was a nervous wreck, and she (our social worker) was so soothing. We got so much done so quickly, that I knew the Lord's hand was on it. You know, I think part of what gets me is maybe how long our entire adoption process took. And because it takes so long, and consumes you so much, you almost become attached to it. If that makes any sense at all. I worked on paperwork for months, I think I applied with our agency in June of '05. Once we finally got our paperwork to China, we then waited a solid year before we heard anything. Literally, I mailed our paperwork to China on June 30th 2006, and got the call about Jillian on June 26th, 2007. I wanted one of those shirts that said, "Yes we're still waiting. No we haven't heard anything. Thanks for asking.". I loved them...but I resisted. Once we finally, finally got the approval to go get her, then waited what seemed like the longest wait ever...to be able to get on that plane to go...and then ever so suddenly, it all came full circle. We had her in our arms. Now, we have been working in reverse...having to prove that she is in fact thriving with us....and she's not being abused. To do that, we had to have the social worker come out after we had had her for 6 months, and then a year. And now, after ALL that, we are officially done. It's complete. No more. Wait...a finished project?? That's just about unheard of in my house! Roy should be proud of me!

My heart hurts.

Madison is having friend challenges. And they are absolutely hurting my heart. Believe you me, I am fully aware of those challenges she brings on herself..and she does it quite a bit....but this time, it's of no fault of her own. She's hit the "don't tell your mom, or I'll never talk to you again" stage...and it's awful. I am going to a Beth Moore bible study on Esther. If you have never done a Beth Moore study..you need to. She's amazing. I'm not one that likes to tout different preachers or teachers...because I firmly believe if you put PEOPLE too high on a pedestal, you and you alone are bound to be sorely disappointed. But she has a gift....and she may be flawed in many other ways, (although I have yet to see a flaw of any kind!!), but she is gifted in teaching the Word. She can link the bible to make sense from so many different angles. Today, part of the study was on mean girls. And she was so perfect in her description in so many different ways. One of the things she was saying...was that it's not really in her nature to be mean. But man, let a mean girl get ahold of one of her girls...and the mean girl came out!! I got so tickled at that, because it is so true. I'm not necessarily mean...but I do have very definite opinions...and I have a hard time faking it if I don't agree. That's the politically correct way to say it I suppose! :) Anyway..I am totally feeling that right now. She's got a best friend...and they've been best friend for quite a few years now. Well, the bff decided to get a little ugly this weekend...and do some stuff she shouldn't do with Madison at the house. Then, she decided to tell Madison that she could NEVER, EVER trust me because I would tell the bff's mom..which I absolutely am going to. This mom is going to freak out as much as I am. So now..the bff is all "I'm not going to be your friend if you tell, etc, etc." And while, I know that I know, they'll probably stay friends...the first crack has happened. They've had tiffs before...this is nothing new, I promise. But this is "don't tell your mom....you can't trust your mom, etc.". That's bigger in my book. Maybe I'm just taking it personally....I just don't know. So often, my other kids get praised for grades, or soccer, or this and that...and I feel like Maddie Lee gets overlooked on the recognition end of the totem pole. She's not the best dancer, artist, brainiac, etc. But she IS gifted!!! I just want all ya'll 5 people that read this to know...she is a mightily gifted person. She has more compassion in her pinky than many grown adults could ever muster together. She is a caregiver....she's probably given Jillian more baths than me....because she wants to do it. And she loves. When she loves, she loves deep. I believe the Lord has high and mighty plans for her....we just have to get through middle school. And we aren't even there yet! My knees are going to be tough as nails for a few years...I can see it now.

A Glimpse.

I know the path the Lord has us on is pre ordained. I absolutely believe that the Lord has hand crafted our steps to get us exactly where he wanted us to be. My head knows that, but my heart has had a second thought lately. For the first time in a very long time...I've wondered what our life would have been like if we had taken this path, or that path. I guess, through reconnecting to my early childhood friends, then college friends, and now even friends from our early adulthood, I'm able to see, in hindsight mostly, all the different paths that my friends have taken. One of my elementary school friends posted pictures from high school....and it hit me like a mack truck..."that would have been my life if we didn't have to move". I moved from New Orleans to West Monroe in 8th grade. It was pure torture. I had such a major cajun accent...and I was picked on ruthlessly, so I overcompensated for it... and became the biggest country hick you can imagine. I remember right before we moved, I was about to try out for cheerleader, etc. And then we had to move to north Louisiana, which is truly like a different country compared to south Louisiana....it just doesn't even compare. None of that is particularly relevant, but I will say...those pictures kind of took my breath away...and I'm not altogether sure why. Maybe because I've always wondered what those elementary friends were doing? I really have thought about them so much over the years. Maybe it was strictly because of the 'what if's' it brought to mind. But as I was thinking about that, I then remembered some of my college friends that I have recently reconnected with. Great people in college...the ...you know the type I'm talking about....the kind you wish you were, but weren't. Now they are definitely the 40ish professionals, doing great, drinkers who love a good party. I have to say, I was really shocked. That's not the path I would have ever guessed they would have gone down. Now, while the decision to move from New Orleans to Monroe wasn't my own. What we've done with our adult lives has been our very own personal decisions. How easy could it have been for us to go that route?? Living the life!! Please don't misunderstand me...they are having a ball and a half!!! I'm sure alot more fun than we have a whole bunch of the time!! What small little steps have we taken that have put us on the path we are on. There were several, several decisions that we made as newly married couple that I look back on and could really let myself get down about. Major missed opportunities...some because of fear, and some because of ignorance. Totally on my part....I had a plan, and a change in the plan scared me to death. I have felt really bad over a few of them several time...but I always go back to the fact that I have to believe that whatever the reason, the Lord knew, and has guided us on this path. I guess I got a glimpse....maybe opposite from the one in Family Man..I just got it backwards. What if Roy had gone the politician route? (yeah..I bet that surprises alot of you!), or the doctor route. What if we had all the money in the world, but had lost our faith. I don't want to be raising my children in an environment other than one that is pleasing to Him. I don't want to be chasing what the world tells me to chase. I want Him...and His guidance, and His ways for my family. Wow...what a glimpse...what a gift. Truly a gift.

I love winter.

I really do. Maybe it's because we have so little actually cold weather...but when we do, I just love it. Several years ago, Roy decided we had to have gas logs in our fireplace. So, we saved up, and got gas logs. Bad decision. We never, ever liked them...so we finally cut our gas off...and have left them for quite awhile. Finally this year, Roy asked his dad to help him rip out our gas logs...and plug the hole where the gas line was...and theygot it done. Today was our first fire in our fireplace in so long....I can't even remember how long it has been...but it has been heavenly. Absolutely wonderful. Our house smells like wood....and it's crackling....and I just feel so cozy it's ridiculous. Collin ended up having a friend come over...and since it's so cold outside...Roy let them build a fire in the firepit outside also. Just for the record...he helped them build it...and it was very supervised. Anyhoo...as soon as that fire was up and going....the requests began...hot dogs...marshmallows...oh wait!!...smores!!! So, we ran up to the store and got all the goods...and got to roasting. Which made the day even more heavenly. The only thing that could make this better...is if we woke up to a nice layer of snow....which isn't anywhere near the forecast..but a girl can dream!

Pre teen girls....yikes!

I've got one....one of those pre teen girls that is almost just a little bit too big for her britches! I am so struggling with finding a balance of discipline with her. She is an amazingly compassionate, and loving child. Her nature is to not hurt a fly...but I'm convinced the influences that surround our girls these days overwhelm them. Girls that are only 1o are doing things that 15 and 16 year olds used to do. If you have ever watched any episode of Suite Life of Zach and Cody...or Drake and Josh....and pay attention at all...it is disgusting the amount of disrespect and bad attitude these kids have towards any sort of authority whatsoever. I'm sure we owe pop culture a great big thank you for that...but I think it shows a pattern in parents as well. Now, don't think I'm claiming to be the best parent ever....if I was, I sure wouldn't be struggling as much with what on earth to do. What I mean by the affor mentioned statement is.....pop culture can say what it wants...but we as parents have the right and frankly the God given obligation to say no. I can't even tell you how hard that has become to a certain level. For Chandler...my oldest...he would just accept no, and move on. He may not like it, but he would for the most part, accept it. He pretty much knows now, that we just aren't going to let him go to dance parties left and right. We've let him go to 2, and they were given by the same person. We are comfortable with the parents....so it was ok. Madison on the other hand just doesn't accept no very well. She is very much her mother's child. I never have accepted no well....and I'm paying for it now. Ha! Not to make excuses, but I think girls are far more brutal than boys are in terms of peer pressure...at least for this age. Recently, there was a movie that I strongly disagreed with her going to. Again, Chandler knew I wouldn't let him...and he actually agreed that it wasn't appropriate after we read the reviews....Maddie..not so much. She stood her ground with me for awhile...but then her stance began to erode. Every other friend was going....I've let her see worse, etc. etc. And I have let her see worse...but learned from those mistakes...and realized how much more I needed to guard what they watch. I'm just afraid that we are getting used to the dark..and if we don't ask for God's hand over our children...and for His total and complete guidance for our (my) decisions....they are really going to be used to the dark. I was speaking earlier with a like minded friend who was sharing with me the same struggles with her daughter..who is also a very good girl. She gave me such Godly advice that she had used for her eldest daughter. She would tell her daughter...."If you think I'm being overprotective....then pray for me. Pray that the Lord would open my eyes to see that I should give you more freedom". I just thought...wow! What great advice. My children believe in the power of prayer...and hopefully, they realize I'm not just irrational with my decisions. I do almost always try to explain my yes's and my no's. Not that I think they have a right to hear it...but so they will trust me that I have not made my decisions without thinking. It's just such a fine line to walk...and if anybody that reads this has any advice...please, please, please feel free to let me know! I'm open to any suggestions!

History

Does anyone else obsess over history? I suppose obsess is a relatively strong word, but I do think about it quite often. Tonight, we were watching the history channel....watching the historical recount of Valkyrie....(not sure if that spelling is right or not). I have always been fascinated by WWII. The power Hitler had totally, and absolutely perplexed me as a child. I couldn't then, and can't now even begin to fathom how someone could be brainwashed into torturing people the way they did. How and why did so very many people fall for it???!!! I honestly can't think of one single thing that could make me believe what I was doing was ok...if I was them. But as usual, I have strayed from the point of my post. As I was watching that program, it continually referred to the year 1944....the year my mother was born. My true fascination with WWII came in about 6th grade. Maybe 7th. So that's Chandler's age. I very distinctly remember being his age...and looking at what life was like the year my mother was born. My grandad, who we called Bumpa, was engrained in the thinking of the great depression. He likewise taught my mother those ways...who tried to teach us..but we rebelled. Roy has said he will move out at the point that we start hanging plastic wrap on our cabinets to dry....after we've washed it to reuse it... sorry Mom...no offense. My around the block, chasing a rabbit or two thought on all this is....what does Chandler see great about what my generation has done. It just seems like from 1940-1970 Soooo much changed. But from 1970-now...it just seems like we have become more attached to the things we shouldn't. Our cell phones, our computers, our 50 million channels, etc. Something to think about I suppose.....maybe that can be your thought for the day.

This is for you Ashley.....

As usual, I have no excuse why I haven't been posting. Of course, that's really not true...but I've realized lately, for the upteenth time, that you will find time for whatever you want to find time for. I just had this discussion with my almost 13 year old child...who when asked to do his chores, he threw at me that he was really stressed because he was behind on his bible reading. That, at that very moment, he was about to delve into the word....and pour his heart into it. Can you say manipulation? I did. I told him straight up that he was not going to manipulate me that way..and he was going to do his chores, and then delve into that word that he held so dear. I told him that if it was that crucial to him, he would not have spent hours outside with his friends. That if it was stressing him to the ends of the earth, then he wouldn't have been fighting over his turn for the Wii. Right? Of course it's right. And so it goes with my blog. For me to say, I just don't have time, really isn't true. I do have time...I'm just wasting it. As I've mentioned before, facebook is fairly addictive...and I spend more time than necessary on it. Chill time is also fairly addictive....I actually wish I had more time to spend on it...but it's certainly not necessary too often. So, I am officially making time to post today....all that was just my introduction....here comes my actual post....

Yesterday was Collin's 8th birthday. It was a great day, but his party isn't until Saturday...that's when the real fun will come. His party is at a ranch...where we'll have hay rides, pony rides, and a petting zoo. It's the first time any of us have been there...so we definitely have our fingers crossed that it's going to be all we expect it to be. Yesterday morning, he decided he wanted a big breakfast, so I got up and cooked bacon, eggs, and biscuits...and toast to make him a bacon, egg sandwich. At lunch, Roy went and ate lunch with him...and for dinner...he chose CiCi's pizza. I so desperately wanted him to choose somewhere else..somewhere GOOD!! My church has an annual fast for 21 days...and I've been fasting certain foods, but made a concious decision to release myself from the fast for Collin's birthday dinner. He was so selfless about deciding where to go, trying to find a place that we all could eat at...and I decided that wasn't fair to him...since this fast will ALWAYS be during his birthday...so he would never actually get to eat what he truly wanted. Of course, after he said CiCi's...I had to remind myself of that. This is HIS dinner..whatever he wants. Sadly, after not eating bread or meat for a couple of weeks...CiCi's was pretty stinkin good. I suppose everything is relative.

So, until Saturday...Collin's birthday was celebrated right there at CiCi's....8 years. Man, it has gone by so ridiculously fast. Don't blink....