Tough Questions Ahead

Tonight, in the kitchen, out of the blue, Jillian asked me why I left her on the side of the road. I don't ever, ever, ever recall saying that in front of her (at least since she's been old enough to understand me)...but I'm sure my kids may have. I had to explain to her I didn't. Her response was..."No, when I was in China...why did you do that?". I couldn't get her to understand it wasn't me. She then asked me about what it was like when she was in my belly. Again, I had to tell her I didn't get to have her in my belly....somebody else did...and then somebody else kept her safe until I could get to her. I don't know where this is coming from....but I am absolutely heartbroken that these questions are coming so soon. Is she old enough to process any of this???? Does she really think I would leave her on the side of the road now???? What is going through her mind??? I know all parents of Chinese children that have been abandoned have had to deal with this...and we'll make it through....but good grief it feels like somebody has cut my heart out.

Poetry

Chandler had to write a poem about himself for his English class. Here it is:

I AM

I am a 14 yr old guy that loves Jesus.
I wonder when He will return to earth.
I hear the loud buzz of a bronze trumpet sounding through the earth.
I see Him in His shining white robe descending to the ground.
I want to spend eternity with Him.
I am a 14 yr old guy that loves Jesus.

I pretend I am walking the streets of Heaven.
I feel free from the fall backs of life.
I touch the thick, soft mane of a passive lion.
I worry about those who not reach Heaven.
I cry when I think of those people.
I am a 14 yr old guy who loves Jesus.

I understand that not everyone has the opportunity to know the Lord.
I say we should try to provide those opportunities for them.
I dream of the day when I am face to face with God's glory.
I try to bring salvation to as many as I can.
I hope that when my time comes I will be happy with my life.
I am a 14 yr old guy who loves Jesus.

Just a little update...

For those of you who aren't a part of my daily life, or aren't my friend on facebook...I thought I would just give a quick update on where we are in life right now. This school year has truthfully been the year I've been dreading for a few years now. My oldest is at the high school...he's freshmeat..oops, I mean a freshman. Then my next oldest is in the middle of her middle school years, then Collin is at the elementary school still, and my little Jillian has officially started Pre K. Which means....4 kids, 4 different school. Blah. I will have to say though...it has worked out much better than I had ever imagined it would. I have had to implement the bus for one of the kiddos...which isn't so bad. He's got some good friends on there to ride with. We're also carpooling in the mornings with my neighbor...which helps GREATLY!! The high school adjustment has been excellent to say the least. The high school my son goes to is huge. There are like 600 freshmen there with him. To say I've been a nervous wreck is the understatement of the century...but he's thriving!! The Lord's hand is on him...and He has certainly answered my prayers and more. Lots of classes with kids he knows....classes close together so he hasn't ever gotten lost....etc. And as well as the high school adjustment has gone...the pre k adjustment has gone just as smooth. Jillian loves going to big school...loves getting to eat in the cafeteria...and LOVES that 8 of the kiddos from her Sunday School class go there with her. Actually, I don't know who loves that more...me or her. It's a precious little group...and they'll all be split next year...but for now, they get to be closer friends. What can be better than that???

I know that is really fairly boring..but I was thinking about posting this or that...and realized it wouldn't even make sense to some of you. Maybe tomorrow's post will be much more exciting!! Ha!

Well hello there.

Well this is probably going to be awfully scattered....

Over the course of the last year, almost year and a half...I have so very much wanted to blog. There is such a fine line between blogging, venting, and pouring out your very soul for everyone to read. In my family, on any given day, I could very much do every single one....some even all in the same day. Sometimes I feel like I'm only a taxi driver being beckoned from here to there...and other days I feel so close to the Lord, and like such a child of the King...that I can almost feel Him in the living room with me. So, I guess I'm saying, that over time, I felt like I couldn't post about a down day...because I thought somehow it might appear that I love the Lord less. My downfall (one of them), is that I'm a very, very transparent person. It's almost impossible for me to hide my feelings. It's almost impossible for me to fake it if I'm irritated....or depressed...or worried....or excited...or happy....or anything. Pretty much, I'm a "what you see is what you get" kind of person. Over the last year, we've had many, many ups and downs. I've wanted to post about the good...but then didn't want to see too fake that we had it all together all the time. Does that make any sense at all?? So, here I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. For all the world to see....well, maybe 6 or 7 of you at least. My life is crazy, hectic, but amazingly fun, and REAL. I'm hoping that if more and more people understand that Hollywood is just that...Hollywood, it'll give some people hope. That 'off the wall' might really be what is "normal"...if that even exists. Maybe I'll get going again. Just a warning though....I might take a day to vent....or moan....or rejoice. Or do nothing but post lyrics to a song that has moved me to the core. But whatever is posted...it will be ME...and just ME.