Saturday, September 4, 2010

Tough Questions Ahead

Tonight, in the kitchen, out of the blue, Jillian asked me why I left her on the side of the road. I don't ever, ever, ever recall saying that in front of her (at least since she's been old enough to understand me)...but I'm sure my kids may have. I had to explain to her I didn't. Her response was..."No, when I was in China...why did you do that?". I couldn't get her to understand it wasn't me. She then asked me about what it was like when she was in my belly. Again, I had to tell her I didn't get to have her in my belly....somebody else did...and then somebody else kept her safe until I could get to her. I don't know where this is coming from....but I am absolutely heartbroken that these questions are coming so soon. Is she old enough to process any of this???? Does she really think I would leave her on the side of the road now???? What is going through her mind??? I know all parents of Chinese children that have been abandoned have had to deal with this...and we'll make it through....but good grief it feels like somebody has cut my heart out.