Hitting the Wall, and Crawling over it.

Life with Jillian is great. Really. I have to admit though, lately, I have felt fairly trapped. Jillian has had NO adoption related issues. She has had no attachment problems at all. I even left her in the nursery at church on Sunday. She did good. Not perfect, but neither did my other children for the most part. With that being said, I have felt conflicted with how to handle normal, daily issues that arise with a 19 month old child. She has a runny nose, doesn't feel good, and was fairly grumpy yesterday. Nothing seems to make her feel better, except for someone to hold her. Which just isn't possible to do all day. So, I had to just let her cry several times yesterday. I had to put her in her bed during nap time, when she didn't want to nap, and just let her fuss for awhile. It wasn't steady, it was off and on, but still enough to just kind of drive you crazy!! So when the other kids get home from school, and have homework, activites, etc., life can just get nutso!! And then the store calls and needs this and that, and it's tax time, inventory time, etc. I've just been tired. Pooped. Worn out. Overwhelmed. However you'd like to phrase it, that's what I've been. So, I made a decision to have a night out. I'm not one of those "girls night out" kind of people. I'm not a member of a bunco group, or any of those other things. I'm not opposed to them by any means, but my family just doesn't have enough time together to begin with. But, I needed some time out. Away. Without having to think about anything. So, last night, my friend and I headed to eat, and then to Old Navy to hit the end of the season clearance sale. It was WONDERFUL!! I have realized how critical it is for me to have what I like to call "no brainer" time. There was NOTHING we 'had' to discuss last night. We laughed, griped, pondered life, etc. And then there was NOTHING I 'had' to buy last night either. The deals were so good though, that I even got some Christmas presents for next year!!! Talk about feeling productive!!! I think the key is though, I didn't HAVE to do it. I wasn't pressed for time, or trying to grab a quick present because I had forgotten about someone. I am thankful that I have such an amazing friend that I could do that with. She's like my sister really. And I'm thankful to have a husband that was willing to watch all 4 kids because he knew I had to have some time. I'm thankful to have a few extra dollars so when I do hit a great sale, I have money to spend. I'm still tired, but I am also so very thankful.

Update...

Jillian is still doing wonderful. She is clearly feeling very comfortable with us, and is a very typical 19 month old baby. We've decided eating out is just not worth it for awhile. Last time we went out she kept trying to get Collin's baked potato to throw on the ground. Again, typical 19 month old. I have found that along with her mischeviousness, I find comfort. She still appears to be right on target for a child her age. Other than her speech obviously. I am hoping soon she will begin speaking much better, but it is still a little early yet. The pics are from my store that she goes to with me every morning. The girls that work for me love her, and she loves them. And of course, we take LOTS of pics of her. Enjoy.

A few more pics...

Jillian wearing reindeer antlers. I can't believe we caught this picture

before she pulled them off!
This is how Jillian gives sugar.

Playing at my brother and sister in law's house in Texas.

Loving wearing a hat!!! So silly!!

Life is good.

Jillian and Madison when we arrived at the airport.
Jillian at the first of December in her cousins jackets. We still don't dress her in blue. LOL!

Bad news is I've lost my usb cord, so I have almost no pics to add. Especially all the Christmas pics. The good news is, everything is going amazingly well. Fairy Tale well actually. I ran into a friend at Wal Mart the other day and was describing how wonderful things have gone. And it really occured to me that for the VAST majority of this entire process since we left for China, has been almost too good to be true. We had not one flight delay. Not one piece of lost luggage. No attachment worries, no unexpected illnesses....nothing. And it hasn't changed. Other than jet lag, and Jillian only wanting me in China...I can't think of anything negative to say!! Praise the Lord!! Jillian is an absolutely hilarious, precious, beautiful child. She has been the light of our entire house for almost 2 months now. She says momma, dada..(but usually just calls him momma also), hot, baba, tickle tickle, and a few other various things. She does know every single thing you tell her though. Sometimes more than I realize. I talk to her constantly, and sometimes I tell her to do things not expecting anything in return, and then off she goes. Today, (now this is just for the momma's out there), she told me poopoo, patted her hiney, then went and got a diaper, wipes, and then promptly laid down on the floor. What an amazing girl we have!!!

I'm so sorry!!

I really used to hate it when people came home from China and then apparently fell off the face of the earth. Well now I know why they do. Life is crazy!! Jillian is just an extra bonus to the craziness, but crazy it is. Things are going very well here. She is sleeping through the night, (most nights), and is adjusting beautifully!! We are back at work, church, school, etc. I am finding myself fairly emotionally exhausted, but physically, I seem to be ok. I am still full of uncertainties with Jillian. She is clearly around the other 3 children every afternoon and evening, so I cannot have different rules, but yet, I can't discipline her yet the way I do the other 3. I am trying to walk the fine line of discipline/bonding still. I'm not sure how long it will take me to feel comfortable, but I'm not there yet. Don't get me wrong...she has had her share of 'NO's, but I still question myself when I do it.

The pediatrician was very pleased with her progress. She is small, but we felt very accomplished yesterday, when she fit into a 12 month outfit. That's only 1 size behind. Madison was 1 size behind for most of her life. In fact, she still is....actually 2 sizes in most items. Once again, Jillian fits just fine in our family!! LOL!! She has yesterday started with the runny nose/cough. Living in Louisiana, weather is in question everyday. We go from hot to cold, then cold to hot. Chandler has terrible allergies, and I'm wondering if she might be following in his footsteps. It is prime time for runny noses, and I suppose she's no different, regardless of where she's from.

Yesterday we finally went and got her blood work done. I had been procrastinating dreading the finger prick. Well, if I had known what it was really going to be like, I don't know that I would have taken her at all!!! When I got there, they were laughing about how many tests the dr. ordered for her. I thought they were kidding. Not. They pulled her sleeve up, tied off her arm, and began searching for a vein. It was horrible. Then, they missed, prodded around, decided to stop, take a break, and try again. HORRIBLE!!!! Finally, they got a vein, drew a couple of things of blood, and let us leave. Jillian did much better than I expected...she screamed but then was laughing in the car on our way to get her some food. She then ate like a raging maniac!! I have no idea if that had anything to do with the blood that was taken, but she acted ravenous!!! Crazy!!

I will do everything I can to post more often! I don't think I have the new pictures on my computer, but I will post them as soon as I download them. Again, I'm sorry for not posting sooner!!

China time vs. USA time

Jet lag is tough. I'm not sure what technically 'jet lag' is...but the time change is tough. When we flew to Beijing, it was just Roy and I, and we had a free day before anything started. We were running on adrenaline, and had no problems with sleep deprivation whatsoever. We were tired, but so excited. It's not so much like that this time around. I think we have gotten our body clocks straight, but Jillian has absolutely not. Our first night home was pretty bad, as I mentioned before. Last night, she slept fairly well through until about 4:30, and then was up for the day. Because of the early start, she seemed fairly grumpy for most of the day. We have our doctor appt. tomorrow morning with our pediatrician. I'm hoping to get all kinds of information from her. Although, truthfully, I'm not sure what. I guess I've thought this entire time that she has had an ear infection, but the Chinese doctors didn't acknowledge that. It will be interesting to see what our Dr. says.

The other kids are still pretty much in fairy tale world with Jillian right now. If I've heard her name once, I've heard it a million times. Honestly, they won't let her breathe without someone being in her face. I told them we can do this for a day or two, but then we would have to settle it down a little bit. I'm afraid we could create a monster if we aren't careful. I really, really could not have asked for the transition to go better with them.

Well, we are off to bed. My goal for tonight is to sleep until 5:30. I'd be pleasantly surprised if we slept until 6:30, but my goal is 5:30!! I think we can, I think we can.....

Home at Last!!!

I can honestly say, I've never been so excited to see my house in my entire life!!! The travel was brutal, but when it got too much, I would just look at Jillian, and remember that the Lord had not gotten us this far to leave me now!! We definitely had His hand on us for all the flights. Every single flight was on time, and in fact, 2 of our flights landed early. Total, we shaved about 45 minutes off of our flights with early arrivals. The flight from Guangzhou to Tokyo was fine. Jillian slept for 2 out of the 4 hours. The next flight was fairly difficult. Jillian did as well as could be expected, but 11 hours on a plane just isn't easy. For anyone, especially a 17 month old. But, we made it through, and the final flight she slept all the way through. I dozed off for much of it as well.

That flight landed a little bit early, so mom and the kids weren't quite there yet. When I finally did see them, I thought I was going to lose it!! And I did, but just for a minute. Jillian instantly loved everyone, and we hit the road for home. I guess all the pressure, stress, etc. was finally lifted. I finally felt such a peace. So much so, that I could hardly stay awake heading home from Jackson to Monroe. Literally. I think I had been SO tense for SO long, that I was finally free. Once we got home though, I perked back up. When we pulled up in our driveway, some friends had hung a banner across the front of our house that said "Welcome Home Jillian!!". It was so amazing! We have been blessed with such amazing friends!! Roy's parent's came by to meet Jillian, and she "performed" nicely for them!! She really is such a funny baby!!!

After they left, I started feeling exhausted again. I bathed Jillian, and hit the bed. She went right to sleep, but unfortunately woke up at 1:00 am. She cried off and on, mostly on, until about 4:00 am. I got up, gave her a little advil in case she wasn't feeling good, and gave her a little bottle. She finally fell back asleep, but not for long. She really slept good from about 6:00 am until about 11:00 am when I got her up. Hopefully, we will be able to get into a routine soon. We knew it would be difficult, but it sure doesn't make it any easier I'll tell you that!!

She absolutely LOVES the kids!! In fact, last night, she wanted Madison to hold her more than me. That was a first. And she will crack up laughing at Chandler. Collin is feeling a touch left out, but I'm trying to tell him, it's not even been 24 hours yet. She will come around to him. In the mean time, say a little prayer for him. His feelings are a little hurt.

I will post more later, but for now, I just want to thank everyone that has been a part of this journey!! From the garage sale donations, raffle tickets help, financial help, encouraging talks, my baby shower, my clean house, etc. Everything you all have done is SO appreciated!! I can't imagine not having the prayer support that I've had!! I would have never made it through.

After I actually get dressed for the day, I will post some pictures of Jillian at home!! What a blessing to even be able to say that!! Praise the Lord!!!