Again, be calm o my soul.

I was doing ok. Really I was. I promise. A little nervous....maybe. However, at church tonight, obviously, everyone was asking if we were excited, nervous,etc. And then I would get the random, "oh my gosh, that flight is going to be miserable!!". Not often, but in my mental state right now, one or two of those comments has really made me on edge. I keep telling myself, that not everyone knows my extreme phobia of flying. Not everyone knows that I'm not kidding when I tell them I have my xanax and ambien packed in my carry on first and foremost. Clearly they think I am the most amazing faithful person there is. I so wish I was. My son got a new bible yesterday. He is reading it like nothing I've ever seen. He came to me when he got to the part about Noah being drunk. Does everyone out there remember that???!!! Very awkward discussion to have with my 11 year old. However, it became the perfect opportunity to remind him, and myself, that God chooses those that are not capable in and of themselves to do what He has called them to. He chose me to adopt Jillian. Why did He call me to something that is stretching every ounce of my being just to get through everyday?? I don't know. But He did. And I am not going to let Him down. When I get back from China, I will post how Jesus Himself had to get me through this journey. Don't get me wrong....I want Jillian... desperately. She is already my daughter, and has been for quite some time now. I just want someone to bring her to me!! :) But the Lord doesn't work that way, and I've known that for some time now also. As I go into the next couple of days, I am praying for God's peace to cover me from head to toe. I know I'm doing His will. I know it. Faith is not not being afraid....it's being afraid and doing it anyway.