Eyes Wide Open.

Do you ever realize, that when you yourself feel so overwhelmed, the Lord shows you how blessed you really are? I've recently found links to a couple of blogs lately of women who have lost their children. I cannot imagine the pain. I literally sobbed last night reading these amazing stories of loss, love, and faith. And even though my heart hurt for these women, who should not know what it feels like to lose a child, I truly cannot imagine what they must be going through. I know so many of you out there have been praying for Steven Curtis Chapman and his family, but the fact of the matter is, this happens every single day, to ordinary people. Not that I don't think you should pray for SCC, I absolutely think you should...he's an extraordinary person that the Lord has truly annointed for a larger purpose. I'm just saying that there are people every day that feel like they are handling more than they can bear. But yet, they stand firm in their faith, and their love for the Lord. Who take time out of their day, everyday, to share with the world how the Lord is caring them through the worst time of their lives. I feel so repentent and shameful realizing how blessed I am, and how little I have to moan about. For years now, I have felt 'stressed'. Stressed mostly about finances. I think most of you can agree with me, that finances can be overwhelming....and truly stressful. But when I compare my finances to those of the people in China, or those of the single parents trying to do the best they can, or countless others out there....I have absolutely nothing to be stressed about. I don't want to be a whiner, or a complainer. I absolutely do not believe that makes the Lord happy. In fact, I'm fairly sure that the Lord has been so disappointed in the way I've been handling my own stresses....that are totally not unique to me. I'm positive, there are so many others out there, that have the same issues, same stresses, and much worse...but don't get bogged down in them. So my cry for help is a little different today. It's a cry of repentence. And a cry of gratitude for ALL that I have to be thankful for!

Short, but sweet.

I don't have alot of time, but I did want to get on and post real quickly that we are back home. My hubby is doing much, much better. I will admit that yesterday, I was absolutely, positively stressed out. The doctor had acted like he should be feeling fine yesterday....and he wasn't. In fact, he was feeling downright awful. They kept drugging him, to the point that he couldn't even really walk well yesterday. But, today, we are home, he feels much better, and there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. Now, if that financial miracle will just come through.....

Help!

Well if that's not a cry for help...I don't know what is. I have officially decided that the Lord thinks I am much, much stronger than I think I am. On Monday morning, my husband woke up not feeling so well. He has pretty bad bouts with acid reflux, so I thought that's all that was going on. I had seen him take Alka seltzer, and tums, and go back to bed. So it was a totally logical explanation. So, what did I do? It was just me and Jillian, so I loaded up and went to our friends (Chase's parents) house to grill. We had the best time. We fried up some pickles and jalapenoes, and had some absolutely delicious deer steak. I truly thought my husband would have slept off his gastro issues, and was enjoying some peace and quiet at the house. I didn't call to check on him...in case he was sleeping. We went to a birthday party at the park...and then finally made our way back home. Well, when I got home, my husband was still in bed...which very much surprised me. So I plopped on the sofa, turned the TV on, and settled in. It really had been a great day. Then, out of the blue, I heard my husband asking me to take him to the emergency room. I just looked at him. I asked him if he was serious....to which of course he said yes. So, long story short...it was no acid reflux..it was his appendix. Therefore, at about 1:30 am...after sitting ridiculous amounts of hours in the waiting room, my husband had his appendix taken out....and is in the hospital recovering now. He literally said Monday was the worst day of his life....and I was out having a great time with my friends. I feel awful. To make this lovely situation better....not 3 weeks ago, our insurance company raised rates again, so we had to raise our deductible. Really, we didn't think much about it...we have never, ever had to actually meet our deductible....until now. So 3 weeks ago, our deductible was 'x'...it's now 'x times 2.5'. Oh, and wait....was it just last week that I went and paid down for my son to get his braces put on next Monday?? It sure was! AGH!!!! I think once again, the Lord is trying to put us in a position, that we can only make it through with HIS help. We HAVE to have His help....we cannot do it on our own. So much of life these days is about glorifying our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. I am praying that in a matter of days I will be posting another amazing testimony of how faithful He is!! He has shown Himself to be our healer....and now I need Him to be our provider! And I know He will!

More Picnik Pics....

Charlotte and Collin

Maddie swimming this week!

What great mother's day present!

Chase's mom and me out for her birthday.

Maddie and me on our way to Shreveport one day.

Collin and Charlotte again!

Fraggle Rock....or is it frazzle rock....

I feel frazzled. Summer is here, and I've got lots of kids at home. My store is slow, but there is still tons to do on a daily basis. Although, I must say today was a great day there. I think the Lord knew I had to have a day that I could look on and be thankful. During the whole Chase saga, I found myself totally focusing on the Lord, and rejoicing for His miracles. I have so quickly settled back into the chaos of daily life, and the exhaustion, (mentally mostly) of it all. I have allowed the children to have friends over to help keep them entertained while I got some work done. Which has been a good thing, but it bumped the children at my house up to 6 or 7 at a time. I'm sure you can imagine, that gets a wee bit loud and chaotic at times...which is an understatement of course. I so want to be able to enjoy the sounds that all the children make...and for the most part I do. But then the store will call with some kind of stressful news...and my nerves get short. Why is that? Some people just must handle stress better than others....while others consider some things stressful...and others consider issues just part of life. My daddy always called them the mosquitos of life. I'm sure so much of it is the changing of schedules...going from school to summer. I know generally, it's just as hard of a transition from summer to school. Having to go to bed early, and getting up early for school. At least we can stay up a little late, and sleep in. I am determined to enjoy these crazy days. I feel like the Lord is quietly whispering to me that I'm going to miss this....and I know I will. I can only imagine when they start driving how much I will miss them being in the safety of my own home!!! Regardless of how many there actually are in my house!!!!

Poison Ivy, Tonsilitis, and Painting out my ears....

I have to apologize so greatly for totally, abruptly stopping this blog last week. I had no intention to, but we have had some doozy of days lately. I have had, (thankfully), so many orders for paintings I can hardly keep up. I'll try to post a pic of what I'm doing on here one of these days....I suppose I need to take a picture, and maybe get some more business for the next time I hit a slow spot. I also had poison ivy so bad, that I actually believed it was a staff infection for visiting the hospital so much. Once I figured out what it was, I got the proper medication, and started wearing long sleeves everywhere I went, including the very, very warm ballpark. I think I heard more than once...'is a cold front coming through...lol!!'. And then I would show them my arms...and they would say....'OOOHHH!!'. Yeah, it was awful. Thankfully, it is gone, praise the Lord for small miracles...as much as the big ones. THEN....on last Thursday evening...I was getting the girls ready to go to the ballpark to watch the boys play ball...and I realized how warm Jillian felt. And as I rocked her, she went from warm to hot. I went and got the thermometer, and when it hit 103, I told my 9 year old to go run her sister a cool bath....and when it kept climbing...I told her to forget it...to go to the car, we were going to the dr.'s office. When it hit 105 I just about panicked!! Thankfully, we are not in a big city, and an after hours clinic is literally 10 minutes from my house at the very most. We were there quickly, they gave her a shot, after I had given her advil...and got that fever down. I was so paranoid she was going to have a seizure, but thankfully, no such thing occured. The dr. looked her up and down, and the ONLY thing they could see was that her tonsils were a little enlarged. She really had no symptom of anything until that fever, so I was fairly surprised. However, over the next couple of days, I could barely get her to eat or drink a thing!! We are finally past that, and she is back to her old silly self. The more she tries to talk, the more and more I just could squeeze her!!! Speech therapy is tomorrow...and I have such high expectations every single week. Last week she did so very well, and they are expecting her to pick up so rapidly once she gets the basics down.

Well, I know that is basically alot of rambling...but that's about what my frame of mind is right now. All jumbled up! Craziness as usual!!!

Nacho nacho...

After Chase woke up at the hospital, he was bored. They did have a VCR in his room, but no movie that he wanted to watch. I guess since he was on the pediatric floor, most of the movies were too young for him. So, somehow we got to talking about Nacho Libre. And we all started laughing out loud thinking about it. It was the first time I had seen Chase smile in the hospital. It all had started one night, a long time ago, they had come over to the house, ordered pizza, and we all watched Nacho Libre....and laughed hysterically non stop. I know some of you out there may be thoroughly disappointed in my sense of humor, but I just can't help it. So....when we went to China, one of the daily gifts I left for the kids was the dvd of it. I had put a note in the present that when we got back from China, I wanted to have another Nacho Libre night. Well, last night, the Roark's came over, and we cooked way too much food, and then we plopped down and watched it. We laughed like it was the first time we watched it. Chase was still a little quieter than usual, but was talking with all the kids that were here, and really laughing at the movie. I had a hard time believing, that last night, 3 weeks ago, they were doing surgery, desperately trying to save his life. Just 3 weeks!!!! It's been an amazing 3 weeks indeed!!

Chase is home safe and sound.

So Chase is at home. It's unbelieveable. He walked in his house, plopped on his sofa, and got out his PSP. It really wasn't as if nothing had happened, but it was as if he had had the flu or something like that. He looked great....and his mom was just glowing!! The eye dr. yesterday told them they may have to have a little bit of surgery, but they are choosing not to believe that either. His mom has said over and over again that she is believing for 100% healing from the Lord. And thus far, He has not let her down. I'm going to make a list today, if I have time, of everything the doctors have told them, and everything that was wrong. Virtually NOTHING has been right. He has blown every estimate out of the water, and far, far surpassed every hope any doctor has had. The Lord is truly getting the glory for this one!

Chase is coming home!

Last Saturday, which would be like....9 days ago or so....the doctors told Chase's parents that Chase would be transfered from LSU in Shreveport, to a hospital in our home town for rehab. He would then stay there for 2 - 6 months, in house, and then go home finally for a little outpatient rehab. Again, that's what the dr. said 9 days ago. Well, tomorrow, Chase is coming home. No 2 - 6 month rehab at all. He is doing TOO GOOD to be admitted to any inpatient rehab. It's so astounding. Praise the Lord!!

Gratitude.

One of my favorite songs is Gratitude by Nichole Nordeman. It is an amazing song if you are a lyric person, which I am. I love the words to songs. Lately, I have been doing so much soul searching...I guess for obvious reasons. I know my Lord and Saviour is a miracle worker, but if I am going to be super transparent, I have truly never seen SO many miracles as the miracles I have seen in the last 2 weeks....and it's not only been Chase. There is another man in our church, who is a little older than 40ish. He was diagnosed with cancer, and given 6 months to live WITH treatment. When he went back to MD Anderson last week in Houston, they found NO trace of cancer. None. It's gone. I have such a hard time right now not just breaking out in tears thinking about the gratitude his family must be feeling. Just as I have a hard time not bursting into tears everytime I think of the fact that Chase will be HOME soon. How do we, (and I don't really know who we is...I guess I should say 'I'), get prioritites so out of order. I feel like we...I mean 'I'... continually get so caught up in the things of this world, that I forget to recognize what my priorities need to be. One of my favorites lines in 'Gratitude' is "Oh, the differences that often are between everything we want and what we really need". I so wish I was better at realizing that. So, go find it online somewhere and listen to the song....and listen to the words....I hope it will impact you as much as it does me.

Friends

I'm struggling to put into words what I'm trying to say. Listening to Chandler yesterday talking to Chase, I realized he is old enough to have these 'pranks' and jokes as lifetime memories. I never lived in the same place long enough to maintain lasting relationships as a child. Just about the time I would get close enough to my friends to get in fights with them, Iwould move. I have no idea what path Chandler, Chase, and his brother Ethan are going to take...but so far, they have been lifelong friends. And they have LOTS of crazy memories....and lots of crazy pictures. I am blessed beyond words to have 3 friends, that I can share anything and everything with. They are my best friends. One has been my friend for about 10 years or so. Another for about 6 years or so.....and then the other for only about 2. I guess in the back of my mind, was some of all this last night before I went to bed....because I dreamed about my junior high school best friend. And I miss her. We were very close all the way up until about the time Collin was born. Then both of our lives just got so busy. In fact when Madison was born, she kept Chandler for me. And Chandler LOVED her. They live out in the country with horses, cows, and goats....the REAL country. Chandler knew how to ride a horse when he was 2. But before those memories, we made the same crazy junior high memories....and then high school memories... We had alot of fun, but also got in alot of trouble. In fact, part of my dream last night, was getting in trouble at her house....as an adult. LOL! I guess it never stops. I am thankful that the Lord has blessed me with friends....I suppose He knows how much I need them!

A Sight for Sore Eyes...

Thanks to Grandma, and Aunt Nicki, Chandler and I were able to see Chase walk today. By the time we got there, we were just in time for Chase to be moved from ICU to a regular room. He looked so good. Just like a skinny version of Chase. He wasn't feeling fantastic, but we got quite a few smiles and chuckles out of him when Chandler would talk about old times....especially playing jokes on perfectly innocent people, (that I knew nothing about!!), and bathroom incidents. Why does that not surprise me??!! He didn't talk too terribly much, but enough for us to know he's the same old, same old Chase. Not talking out of his head, like they said he might, or dropping curse words every other word like they said he might, not crazy aggressive like they said he might. In fact, almost nothing that they said might, or even probably would happen, has happened. The Lord is taking EVERY single excuse away for anyone NOT to give Him he glory! This is His total miracle, and we are praising Him for it!!

Daily Miracle Report.

Well, today one more miracle happened. Why am I surprised?? My expectations of what the Lord can do are so inadequate. I know He's healing Chase totally, but his pace is so overwhelming! So, this afternoon, I'm in my backyard, and I get a text from Chase's mom that said, "Oh yea, Chase just walked!!". I about fell out. This kid is amazing!! I talked to Chase's dad, who had been so overwhelmed on Saturday, and he was ecstatic!! I asked him if he was feeling better now, and he said, "100% better!". The Lord is showing His power on a daily basis!!

On a side note...Jillian was very much back to her old self this morning! I was so thankful to see her laughing, and smiling, and having fun with me. And not telling me, (and everybody else for that matter) no non stop. Life is good!