Deep Thoughts.....

I was sitting here thinking about the night a few nights ago that I didn't get much sleep. And as usual...my mind started wandering. I then thought about the night before my garage sale in October to raise money for the adoption....and staying up all night. And then I thought about the night before we left for China...and staying up all night with the hope of sleeping on the planes. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much on the planes. And as I was thinking.....I thought about all those feelings from the night before we left. The anticipation, excitment, fear, anxiety, crazy thoughts, etc. I will likely never feel those same feelings again. Not that I necessarily want to feel some of them, but it was truly a magical time in our life. My dad came in town that night to help us get ready. We ran all over town trying to find a battery for my camcorder....which we never found. We made more copies at Office Depot, got a new diaper bag at Wal Mart, and we even picked up a few extra packages of jellie bellies just to make sure we had enough gifts. My mom came over to try to figure out Skype one last time. Thankfully we got all that taken care of and we were able to talk to my mom, and our children the entire time we were in China. I remember laying down on the sofa for just a little while thinking....'what am I doing?'. Panic just came over me. It's no secret by now, if you've been reading my blog, I have a problem with fear. I wanted to back out so bad, but yet I wanted to have my hands on my daughter so badly!! So, I got up off the sofa, and piddled around the house again. I honestly don't even remember what I did. Probably checked my packing list over and over. Have you ever seen a packing list for a china adoption?? It's really insane. If you need a good laugh, go look one up. When we got up the next morning and were heading out to the airport we were leaving from I was just taking it all in. Knowing that really, that was the day I had waited for, for so long. We were heading to Jackson, MS, and realized there was some kind of wreck, or construction on the interstate. We had to do a u turn in the median, and try to find our way to a service road. We stopped and asked somebody for directions, and managed to get around it. Finally we were at the airport. I was so nervous I could hardly even speak. When we had to go through security, I watched my mom and kids walk all the way out to the parking garage, and just cried. I am not one to leave my kids for very long....much less 17 days. So much preparation, and so many nights waiting had lead up to that day. And I did it. I still have to pinch myself sometimes to think....'I went to China....I really went to China!'. Wow! What an adventure!