No TA's

I'm fairly tired of this wait. In the adoption world, there is so much competition regarding who's wait is harder. I find that a peculiar argument to have. But, so it is. Is it harder if you have no kids, or more kids. Harder before or after the referral? Harder to wait for LOA, or TA? I have no answer to any of these questions for anyone else. I just know that for me personally, knowing my daughter is half way around the world in an orphanage, while I am going on living my life, is hard. Not overwhelmingly hard, but just an akward hard. Sometimes I feel like I should feel guilty for just living daily life while she is stuck there. Then other times, I get SO wrapped up in daily schedules, that the wait goes by the wayside. But, just like the same old record I keep playing, here it comes again.... I am surprised to report that our agency did not receive any travel approvals this week. I thought maybe one particular family would have gotten theirs, but alas, no such luck. So, I'm slightly discouraged regarding what that means for us. They are about 12 days ahead of us in terms of when our Letter of Acceptance was received. The other not so great news is that there is a 'holiweek' in China next week. The CCAA will be closed because of this holiday for the entire week. Which means, more than likely if we don't get it Monday or Tuesday, then we won't get it all next week. Bummer. I keep holding on to the fact that our family coordinator still feels like our travel is 'favorable' for October 25th. I feel very conflicted in my hopes for this date. I am still holding onto my strong belief that the Lord's timing is perfect. I DO NOT want to go one day before the Lord wants me to go. I really, really don't. However, I am so very much ready to go and get back. I feel like for 2 1/2 years I have thought so much about adoption. Who are we going to adopt? When will we adopt? From where will we adopt? Will it be a boy or a girl? Will we really even ever adopt at all?? I have saved so many things over the years with the uncertainty of what our future held. When the wait for China became SO incredibly long, we did become certified as foster and adoptive parents here in our state. For awhile I became convinced that we would be receiving a child that was neglected or abused right here in our own area. We were extremely vague in the limits we would put on what type of child we would accept to be in our family. We basically opened up our hearts to anyone. I just KNEW adoption was for us. My goal was to open every door, and then to have the Lord shut every door that He wanted shut. It is so strange to me how strongly he flew this door open!! That all is basically a bunch of rambling to say only that I'm ready to have Jillian, ready to get ourselves on a schedule, ready to move forward with my final family. And if I have to wait one more week to do that, I suppose I'll be just fine.